Manslations

Ok, we’ve got a very well-informed question today from Beth, who is frustrated that she can’t get men to talk about their feelings. I say “very well-informed” because Beth seems to understand what some of the pitfalls of this type of thing are. Her question — can’t a woman ever just talk with a man about their feelings already? How to do it?

No worries, Beth. I’ve got you covered. Beth writes:

Okay. So simple one here. Well, simple for you perhaps. Can you - once and for all (similar to the can a girl ever ask a guy out post), establish the way to have “the talk” (as in the relationship talk) with men? I find myself often in situations where I ask “what are you thinking about us” to the reaction of blank stares, stammering and a lot of semi-resentment because he feels put in a corner.

Yeah, I just soiled myself even reading that sentence. It’s definitely a bad question to (more…)

Well, well, well. Lookie what we got here. In a moment of weakness, Cythera made out with the wrong dude (boy, if I had a nickel for every GUY I’ve known to make that mistake) and now he’s blabbing all over the known universe about what they did, how much he likes her, etc. The problem? She doesn’t like him. What to do, what to do?

Hey,

I need real help here! So I met this guy like a month and a bit ago at a college, at the time, I was going out with another guy. Then about three weeks later, when I had broken up with my boyfriend, and was all vulnerable like, with guy and I made out briefly. He was making me food, all these guys were trying to make out with me, some other guys were doing drugs, and so I ended up staying the night. Thank god nothing really happened. We just kissed a bit in the morning.

Now he’s telling everyone how much we made out… EVERYTHING. How much (more…)

Strange and potentially unmanslatable one from Susan, who was invited over to dinner with her flirt-mate, only to be introduced to…Monica. Thump (that’s the sound of Susan’s jaw hitting the floor. Or the bag filled with birth control she was lugging over there. Whichever, it was pretty surprising.) So what the hump is going on around here? Let’s see if we can’t get some clues as to what Mr. TwoGirls was thinking…

Dear Jeff,

I am so glad I found your site!! I had a quick question as I am in need of a MANSLATION! I’ll try to make it quick:

I met this great guy through work and due to the nature of the business, we work together on a specific project once a year, which means I see him about once a year.

Say no more. You had me at “nature of the business.” I understand it. You both have the smuggler’s blues, and were looking for some companionship. (more…)

Well, you want to talk about your “out of my depth” moments? This is one o’ those. Anna is married to a man who has sexual fantasies — not so uncommon a complaint about men, several times on this website alone. However, in these fantasies, Mr. Anna sees himself as the woman. See…that’s a little different.

Hi, I would like to bring up that after 16 years of marriage my husband just told me that hes had a fantasy of what it would be like to be a women.For the past 5 years there has been no romance or hardly any sex.

Sure, I bet that might be a little tough, given that one of you doesn’t have the sexual parts of his choosing.

and i have been struggling for these 5 years trying to bring it all back. (more…)

A reader calling herself “Just Having Fun” is getting back a little too much reaction from the dudes on her co-ed sports team. (For the moment, I’m picturing a sort of a “roping kittens” version of a rodeo. Just what you get when you give me too non-specific of an image to deal with.)

Her dude friends assume she’s coming onto them. What the hey? Is she coug-ing it up? What’s happening?

Dear Jeff,

Ack! Am I putting out some “cougar” vibe? Seriously! I’m a recently separated single-mom (age 37) and I’ve been hanging out with a lot of guy friends. We play on a co-ed sports team together which is mostly made up of, well, MEN. It’s fun, it’s a good way to meet people, we do lots of social stuff together without all the potential creepiness of online dating. But ever since my separation, guys that I meet assume I’m coming on to them.

To be fair, I am definitely (more…)

Well, it was bound to happen. The backlog of manslations requests is long enough that it has lapped itself. I’ve got a two-parter here — the 2nd one came in not long before I was just getting to the first. The text of the original is down below. I’ll focus more on the recent update to the situation from frequent commenter, Grace. She is with a guy who has just graduated, and is now BUSY-BUSY-BUSY with his new job, and studying for some exam (which, for our purposes here, is the Entrance Exam for the Society of Raccoon Appraisers. This is what happens when you leave the details to my imagination.)

Seems like he’s not quite as demonstrative as she would like. Specifically around, yes, that “L” word. (Yes, it’s “labrador.”) Is she wasting her time? Let’s find out:

Hi Jeff,

I sent in a request a few weeks ago..I just wanted to update my situation a bit..Hopefully you will check this out before you get to my request. (more…)

Commenter and one-time, much-typing requester, Bloomsbury Bell, is back with another question. This time, it falls under the category of EXCEPTIONS. As in, if a dude calls in the very mid of night on Saturday, does it have to be a booty call? (The answer might surprise you. Unless you skipped ahead, in which case it’s going to be pretty much exactly what you think.)

O Wise One,

To make up for having nearly broken your internet connection with my last question, I’ll keep this short.

Is there any way to interpret a midnight Saturday phone call, from a guy I’ve gone out with “as friends” three or four times, that is flattering? Or is such a call always a booty call? (Or is it OK to be flattered by a booty call?)

In this case, the phone call:
a.) came after a brief (more…)

A reader named Sara is looking for some no-strings-attached, no-holds-barred, post-breakup nooky. And other hyphenates. She and the ol’ ex-er took the first step (i.e. the hot-t-t sex, if you know what I mean…oh hold on…that wasn’t a euphemism…eh, ok, so you know what I mean, fine.) and all seemed, at various moments, either hunky or dory. But then he seemed to tiptoe backwards a little. Eh? A man? Turning down guilt-free sex? Is’t possible, milords and miladies? E’en so.

Let’s try to explain why:

Jeff,

This may seem like a bizzare question but here goes:

My ex-boyfriend and I have been split up for about 3 years now. While it was somewhat painful to break up, it was by far the BEST THING that could have happen. We both dated others and I think fully appreciated what we had. Well this past winter we have hung out (a movie and maybe a dinner here and there). Then, one night IT just happened and was AWESOME. I realize what it was. Sex. AWESOME SEX! Well, here is the clincher: I am totally cool with just being friends with benefits. Actually, that is what I want. My life is busy and I do not have time to invest in a relationship–I want to be able to come and go as I please and maybe even date other (more…)

A reader named Jenna fears that she may have spooked her man with talk of the F word. No, not that F word. I’m sure he can speak about F-reedom or F-ornication or F-erris wheels just f-ine. The F…uture. But she wants to talk about it. How can she go about it without sending him for the hills? If there even are hills nearby.

Let’s see what we can do for you, Jenna…

I’m a 40 y.o. female (divorced since 1993). I’ve been seriously dating a 42 y.o. man who’s never been married (nor lived with another female), going on 22 months. We see each other almost every night, (sleeping over) or the other nights on the phone 2-3 hours talking. We love each other and we tell each other daily. At the start of our relationship we talked how we were both open for marriage. His friends and acquantances have mentioned he’s afraid of commitment however. He has a very demanding/over-needy mother, and his friends also say he’s a mommas boy. (more…)

And not like, “Tractor beam — engaged!” or other mechanical possibilities. I’m engaged to be married! I popped the question while Liz and I were on a short weekend away in New Mexico (as the sun was going down over the city of Albuquerque — awww, yeah) and, love of my life that she is, she said yes. At least, that’s what I think she said. She was crying pretty hard. (She’s such a good crier. It really helps to balance us out — I only cry when I get scalded in the shower, or if (more…)

A return poster who now calls herself “Lychee Lisa” is having an issue with her gentleman friend pulling back from her. Could it be about his new Playstation 3? (hint: no.) And what should she do about it? Let’s get the details:

hi jeff,

yay, congrats on your book! i look forward to hearing all the good things that follow…
in the meantime, could you please help me with a long-term bf question:

my bf (of 3 yrs) and i see each other practically every evening, and definitely weekends. we live close by from one another, so the commute isn’t really an issue. we usually have a good time doing stuff or not much of anything. however, recently he has gotten a playstation 3 (more…)

Sue’s gotten into it with a guy who’s just gotten OUT of it, it seems. He was married for 17 years, and split up a year ago. After 2 or 3 months dating Sue, our boy here has decided he is “scared of relationships” and the only way to get over it is to date women who are 20 years younger than he is. Poor guy, huh?

Sue wants to know — is this total crap or what? Let’s find out more:

Hi,
I met someone about 6 months ago, not expecting too of course but it just happened. Was great, had tons of things in common, it was amazing. After about 2-3 months he wants to back off.

Common timeframe for hitting the brakes — this would be the “Huh…so we’re really dating then, are we? How do I feel about that, exactly?” moment.

Now what I haven’t told you is he hadn’t been divorced from his ex wife for even a year. They had been together for 17 years. When they split because they (more…)

A reader named Chloe has bagged herself a rich boy! However, he’s been burned before by women who just want him for his giant piles of doubloons that he keeps in bathtubs and pirate chests around the house. (For the purposes of this manslation, I will be picturing Scrooge McDuck. My website, my prerogative.) He’s been honest with her that he has this fear, and now Chloe wants to know — how can she show him she’s not just in it to count da money (”de MonAY, de MonAY!!”)

Hi !

I have been dating a man for several months now. We met on a blind date through mutual friends and fell completely in love. It has taken us both by storm as we have both been single for a long time and have both struggled with commitment issues. We spend two (more…)

After hitting the sack with her potential paramour, a reader named Jess gave her an intriguing response, and she’s looking for a manslation to try to figure out why. So — why would a man, after sex (in which he participated) say, “I wasn’t expecting that”?

Could be a couple of things. Let’s see if we can figure out which one it is.

Hey Jeff,

I’m a sex-positive kinda girl, never got too hung up on the right number of dates before sex (yeah, ok, first date if the mood was right), have lots of tales and very few regrets.

Freaking hurray, yahoo, and huzzah for “sex-positive.” People would have so much more fun if they’d just have more fun. Safety first, mind-blowing fun second. Puritanical prudery, like, 900th.

Several times, I got a response from a guy that just baffled me, tho, so I just gotta (more…)

Happy Friday the 13th, oh ladies of mine. On this most un-auspicious of days, we’ve got a request from Angie, who seems to be dating a guy who is so concerned about putting himself out there that he’s put himself, well, NOwhere. What the hell’s going on with him? Let’s find out:

Hi Jeff.

Hi.

I would appreciate your help.

Then I shall bestow it. (more…)