manslations

Here we have another Manslations Reader Request from our good friend, frequent commenter, and intrepid dater — Curvy Spice. It’s about where one can go to meet men.

Mr. manslater: Saw this letter in the Dear Margo section of the internet (yeah who reads newspapers anymore. She is Ann Landers daughter) and it did make me wonder 2 things: 1) where else are single guys? Do we have hardwares stores in NY? Is there a NY equivalent to a Home Depot? Is it Ikea? and 2) And perhaps you have a manslating rival out there. Watch out for Just a Guy.

As always yours,
Curvy Spice

————————————————–

DEAR MARGO: There I was in the hardware store one Friday night picking up supplies for my weekend project, and I looked round wondering why I was surrounded by single guys. Then I realized: A guy is in a hardware store on a Friday night because . . .

– he is not out on a date.

– he likely has a house project, which implies he is stable enough to have a place.

– he has time over the weekend to do the project because there is no woman in his life.

– he is good with his hands because he didn’t hire a repair person to do the job.

This man is a specific kind of guy who . . .

– cares about the things in his life.

– is good with his hands/handy.

– is single.

The kind of guy who fits into the above categories is also the kind who wears his wedding ring. Plus, simply by looking at what the guy is holding, or which aisle he is in, the woman can figure out what his project is and make conversation accordingly.

It is important to note these guys might not clue in that this conversation is a social opportunity, so even after 15 minutes of talking, the woman may need to ask if he’d like to continue the conversation over a cup of coffee.

This expedition has the added benefit that the women don’t have to dress to the nines; they can just throw on their favorite old jeans and a sweater.

— JUST A GUY

————————————————–

Dear Curvy Spice,

I think that JUST A GUY makes a great point — if you were to go to his Home Depot. New York City does have a Home Depot, but it’s in Chelsea. And don’t get me wrong — I am sure that you’ll find plenty of men there who don’t have wives or girlfriends. That said, you still might not go home satisfied unless you are really dead set on having your man be able to comment intelligibly on your outfit. In which case, you might be in luck.

So, where to look for the single, straight dudes? It’s tough, because there really aren’t a lot of places where guys just go of their own free will. If it’s nighttime and there are guys there, it’s probably because they heard that women were there.

Here are some thoughts. Six thoughts, now that I count them.

• THE TROUBLE WITH BARS/CLUBS: This won’t tell you anything about a man except that he is interested in locating a vagina and he heard that bars are where they keep some of them. Granted, if you just left the Chelsea Home Depot, hey, that information alone might be a step in the right direction. I know people meet people this way, but I’ve never met anyone at a bar or club. No one I ended up “dating”, anyway.
• WHO ARE YOU LOOKING FOR? Whoever it is, you might try going where he would actually choose to go (not just to find women). Do you want a sports guy? Go to a sports bar. Do you want a poet? Go to a poetry reading. Do you want a guy like our pal, JUST A GUY? A non-NYC Home Depot is for you. Just be aware that if you’re at some weird place that is host to the kind of guy you’re into, you might have to field some questions about why you’re there at some point. (“Me? Oh, I’ve just…always wanted to try the Renaissance Faire, and I figured now was as good a time as any! Great armor, by the way!“)
• YOUR MOVE: As JUST A GUY mentions, remember — you’re probably going to have to be in the driver’s seat the whole time. If a guy sees you at a hardware store, for example, he’s probably just there looking for spackle, and assuming you’re doing the same. In fact, even if he wants to ask you out, he’s likely to assume that you don’t want to be bothered. So if you’re going someplace non-standard, you’re not only going to have to strike up the conversation, but if you want to go out with him, assume that’s in your court as well. That’s the burden of being a pioneer, Curvy. (Well, that and all the wagon training.)
• LAUNDROMATS?? — I’ve heard this one before as a city meeting spot. Hey, why not? It isn’t going to tell you much about him, so you might have to chat for a while before you know anything. Well, you’ll know he has clean clothes. Or that he is interested in soon having clean clothes. Or at the very least that he HAS clothes. And you’ll know that his mom doesn’t do his laundry for him. And if he’s got eleven washers going at once, you’ll know he’s lazy. Or my ex-roommate. Or both. (Please say hi for me! He’ll be the one with the metric tonne of clothes, wearing formal wear because it’s the only thing left that’s clean.)
• BOOKSTORES, UGH – This is another common suggestion you hear time and time again. The idea is that you’re supposed to hang out in a section of the store where your ideal man might be browsing, and he might show up. Or you hang out in a section that YOU like, and then any men who show up might be interested in the same thing. There is no reason for this not to work if you’ve got a lot of time to wait around. (Just a word of advice, however – don’t hang out in the sections on relationships, romance novels, or cats. These sections appear to be kind of the alternative to meeting a man. Or maybe the result of not having met one.)
• WITH FRIENDS: Look, let’s face facts. Most people end up meeting their person through mutual friends or acquaintances. So start hanging out with them MORE. Go to parties hosted by people you like. Host your OWN party. The point is to get people you like together in a room. They’re bound to bring some dudes you don’t know. And some of them are bound to be bangable.

Regardless of what anyone tries to tell you, there are no surefire answers on this one. (My most recent long-term relationships have been people I met through a.) friends, b.) a tai chi class I used to take, and c.) doing standup. How’s THAT for unhelpful!) As Sting once said when asked where his ideas come from, “If I knew that, I’d be there right now instead of talking to you.” (And then he did yoga for 5 hours and had sex for 20 and told the press about it.)

If there was a foolproof place to meet people, everyone would already be there, and it would be annoyingly crowded, and you’d still be looking for somewhere else. The men you want to date are just as flummoxed by this as you are. So do a little recon, try something that is NOT what you’ve already been trying, and see what happens.

The only thing you know for sure — he’s not coming to your house to find you. I’m sure he would, but he doesn’t know where you live. And in a way, that’s probably for the best. That’d just be creepy.

What say you, ladies of the internet? Can anybody help Curvy Spice with your tales of the happy hunting grounds?