manslations

(Editor’s Note: I doubt that this will be a terrifying anything. Then again, maybe you scare really easily. And it’s that uncertainty that’s so terrifying, don’t you think? No? Hello?)

Today, we discuss the perils of radically changing your hair, and what men know that usually signifies.

I mean, first of all, look at Natalie Portman up there. She is pretending to be REALLY upset about it, you know? Still not convinced?

Ok, I read that Mena Suvari, most famous for her role as the sexy lolita in American Beauty, has just shaved HER head . Obviously, Britney Spears has chosen the same hairstyle. I want to warn them against it.

Of course, since they’ve already shaved their heads, my advice will almost certainly have come too late. Ah well. At least I tried.

It’s not too late for YOU though, Manslations readers.

BEWARE: THE SPONTANEOUS HEAD-SHAVE IS A DEAD GIVEAWAY THAT YOU ARE GOING THROUGH A BIG EXISTENTIAL CRISIS

Not always, of course. For some women, it’s just how they want to cut their hair. Or in at least one of the cases above, it can be a statement to the world: “I will not allow you to drug test my hair!” Bravely spoken, Britney. Uh, I mean, ‘somebody. ‘

But more often than not, we all know that sometimes when a woman is feeling like she is stagnant, when her life is all screwed up, when she needs a BIG CHANGE, she will sometimes shave her head. Or just get a crazy short haircut. Or change the color drastically. Something wild, crazy, and different. I think the rationale goes:

“I’m not living the life I’m supposed to be living. I bet it’s the fact that my hair exists.”

Interesting solution. But I have to tell you, some men know about this. It’s just a dead, dead giveaway. Like a beacon of crazy in the shape of a gleaming scalp.

Think of it like this: Sometimes, you see a balding man in his mid 40s driving a Porsche. Is your first thought, “Wow, I guess that guy really likes cars!”

No. No, it is not. You know he’s thinking:

“I’m not living the life I’m supposed to be living. I bet it’s the fact that I don’t have a bad assed car.”

You think, “What is that poor douchebag doing? What, does he actually think that that midlife-crisis-mobile is going to change the fact that his life is in the toilet?”

And the answer is yes. He sort of does. And then he gets the car. And then he finds out that he’s still a twit. With a major bill every month.

Then again, when everything is all screwy, what does it matter? Sure, your life is all messed up, but you get to test drive a hairstyle or a sports car that, but for your craziness, you would never have allowed yourself.

So, go on ahead with your crazy, drastic changes, you magnificent crazies. We love you for it, and we thank you for giving us someone to giggle about when we need it most.

[digg=http://digg.com/offbeat_news/Drastic_Change_in_Hairstyle_Dead_Giveaway_Terrifying_Manslations_Expose]