manslations

Today, we’re responding to a manslations request Renu, who has a man who will only RE-act to her. She writes:

So I met a guy and if I don’t call him or invite him out he doesn’t take any initative, but he is very happy when I do call and always attends everything I invite him to. Should I stop showing interest in him?

Dear Renu,

Great question! You could ask him directly, but there’s no guarantee that he’d answer truthfully, given what you’ve told me.

Lucky for you, you asked ME and so you might be able to tell without even asking.

WHEN SOMETHING WORKS, YOU STICK WITH IT

If this has been going on for a while, he is content with the arrangement. Men are not cunning about this sort of thing. (Remember, this is the same species as construction workers shouting things out to women — we’re not “ace schemers.”)

So, if he wanted to call you, he would call you. And if he did NOT want to come out with you when YOU called, he’d make an excuse and blow you off.

There are only 2 explanations I can think of for his behavior, and they relate to sex. Now, I am originally from Connecticut, so I am reluctant to speak of such matters. But hey, this is the internet, right? So:

1. If he’s getting some action, that’s likely what he is after: This would explain why he is willing to go out with you, while simultaneously NOT being interested in calling you. He does nothing, and then once in a while a woman calls him and asks him to come out and fool around. Hell, your situation is working out GREAT for him. (That’s what we in the business call a “win-win” scenario.)
2. If he’s NOT getting any action, he is either afraid to make a move, or isn’t interested:When a guy is young and/or inexperienced, he might not know how to make a move. OR, if your “dates” are “dating-ambiguous” enough it could very well be that this man is just being friendly by hanging out with you (if your only “dates” are parties and other group things, he might just be coming out to hang with the group.)

So, what to do? I’ll give you some options for each of the situations above:

Situation #1

If you’re looking for more than some on-demand making out, you might be out of luck with this guy. (Again, if he really wanted to call you, he wouldn’t develop a plan that involved NOT calling you. That would mean that he was what I like to call a “woman”.)

All you can really do here is to decide whether or not you’re ok with the current situation. If not, yeah, you could stop showing interest for a few days and just see what happens. But I wouldn’t bother asking him directly — if he’s after sex, he’s not likely to tell you that. Unless he’s an idiot.

(And if he calls you 3 weeks from now, that is not him “finally showing interest.” No, not even if he says he’s been “crazy busy.” That is your standard “booty-call.” Totally different.)

Situation #2

If you two have been going out on real dates (alone together) but he still won’t initiate a call OR sex, sounds like he could use a little push. Get him alone, throw this man down on the nearest horizontal surface and have your way with him. It could be that he might just need some help initiating. (Once that’s out of the way, a guy like this will be calling you soon, because now he knows you like him.)

Or, if you’ve only been inviting him to…I don’t know…political rallies and your local bowling league championships — group stuff that he might not see as a “date” (god knows how he missed THOSE signals!) you’re going to have to go out on a limb to see what’s what. You might try inviting him somewhere that definitely says “date.” In fact, you might even ask it in those terms — “Hey, I was thinking…do you want to go out on, like, a DATE-date sometime?”

If he balks at that, you have your answer — not interested. If he agrees, you should throw THIS man down on the nearest horizontal surface.

Basically, somebody needs to get thrown down on the nearest horizontal surface.

(Please don’t worry if the surface is not exactly horizontal. Just don’t throw him down on something vertical — unless you hold him there, that man will fall. That’s called “gravity” and it is REAL, ok people? That’s called “Jeff Mac looking out for your safety,” everyone. You’re welcome.)

Good luck, Renu — let us know how you do!

Ladies — should she stop trying with this one? What would YOU do?