I’ve been a single mom for over 4 years (and, frankly, there’s no end in sight, but that’s another story!) So here are a few tips, guys:

1. Ask about my kids and their interests. It doesn’t have to be your first or even second question because I want you to get to know ME, but my children are part of my life and very important to me. If things progress, we’re a package deal.

2. If you don’t have children yourself, don’t expect me to tell you the complete truth about having them – that some days I really just want to hide in the closet from my sweet darlings or that I yell like a drill sergeant to get us out the door on time. If we date long enough you’ll find this out first hand. If you do have children/step-children, you’ll already know these things.

3. DON:T ask me if I can have more kids (presumably with you) — at least not until we’ve known each other a while. Just last week a guy asked me if I wanted more kids (I don’t know, maybe) and then he asked me if I COULD HAVE more kids! This was approximately 7 minutes into our “relationship” (by phone) — he just wanted to know if I had my tubes tied or anything along those lines. (See my blog for more details!)

4. DON’T ask me right off the bat to change my schedule with my ex so we can spend every weekend together. If it’s meant to last we’ll get to this. One guy asked me this in our first (and last) phone conversation.

5. Reading #3 and 4, I’m beginning to wonder about you all, frankly. Or me…

6. You can meet my kids when I think it is appropriate. Don’t rush it. We need to get to know each other as the hot, interesting adults we are.

7. I want you to respect and understand me as your object of desire. I want to feel sexy and desirable. I just may be tired after going to a few soccer games, Brownies, and homework.

But more importantly, forget what he’s telling you and pay attention to his behavior. If he’s pulling back (and keeps pulling back, regardless of your reassurances) you should know that, “I love you but I’m worried about xxx,” is — in SOME situations — an ancient guy trick for a “pre-breakup.” We say stuff like that sometimes to get the breakup wheels going.

Again, this is not necessarily the manslation. But his behavior will tell you where he’s at, not his words.

Thanks for writing, and good luck!

And yeah, I think if you’re running a background check on someone, you might just want to go with your intuition and hit the road, Jacqueline, and dontcha come bacqueline.

Unless, of course, he’s a leo. In which case…uh…wear red? (I don’t know astrology.)

Thanks for stopping by, Jennifer!