manslations

If this is your first Friday here at Manslations.com, today is the day where each week I, Jeff Mac, take a few stories from around the world and manslate them. Right here, before your very eyes.

It’s like those restaurants where they make guacamole right at the table. Except the guacamole you get here is funnier (though admittedly less filling.)

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“ROCK OF LOVE” RECAPS

If you know me at all, you know that I am a sucker for any reality TV on which you can see people cry for no good reason. Enter “Rock of Love,” the show that dares to ask, “Can you sink lower than Flavor Flav?”

My new blogging pal, Terry Hernon MacDonald, over at her site (Dating Advice (Almost) Daily) in addition to giving fantastic relationship advice, just has to watch this show, almost against her own will, it seems. And then she writes a full recap. And I just have to read it every time. You’re cracking me up over here, Terry.

People, go there now. Go for the Rock of Love, stay for the dating advice.

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NIGERIAN SENATE FORBIDS BANKS FROM USING HOT WOMEN AS BAIT

Using hot women to convince guys to open bank accounts? That is sick, and wrong, and really, really smart. (Although, I think the part where you have to open the account all in one dollar bills is a little unprofessional…)

Look, this works. If you put a hot woman in a room — even a bank — we go all funny inside. It’s an unfair business advantage, and I’m glad it’s being stopped.

Then again, given all the email I receive from Nigerian bankers each week asking if I might hold their zillion dollars for them, it’s nice to hear such a devilishly effective plan coming out of the region.

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TWO SCUMBAGS FIGHT OVER BIMBO, WORLD STUNNED

Kid Rock assaulted Tommy Lee at the VMAs this week. Guys, guys, guys. Aren’t there enough pole-dancing bottle-blonde morons in the world for the both of you, that you don’t need to fight over one of the dopiest ones there ever was?

Seriously. Save your strength, fellas. Your shaky careers need your attention right now.

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TAKE THE DAY OFF! OH, AND MAKE A BABY! PLEASE?

Wow. And I thought getting Labor Day off was cool. But a direct request for sex from the government? That’s even better than a long weekend. Although, I wouldn’t want Elliot Spitzer talking about my sex life. Nice guy and all, but…Ew.

Also, sadly, I am finally getting old enough that I can see myself actually lying and SAYING I was going to have sex that day, when in fact I was just going to sleep in and watch Law & Order. It’s a world gone mad.

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Well, that’ll do it for this week, ladies. I got a bunch more great Manslations Reader Requests for next week. Keep ‘em coming by submitting them HERE, folks. I love hearing from you!