A Litmus Test for Potential Dates? Lucy F. Votes YES
Awesome children’s writer/blogger/daredevil dater, Lucy F., wrote a great post about how she has occasionally brought men to “open mic nights” as a litmus test of their dateworthiness. They’d not only see her do some high-larious storytelling onstage, but they’d see all the OTHER freakiness that happens at an open mic, and she’d be able to see how he handled THAT. Not a bad idea at all.
Not that you need to bring them to an open mic, specifically. As a comic, I’ve been to plenty of open mics — including the ones that Lucy is talking about. They’re not for the faint of heart, let me tell you. (Once you’ve seen an old, dangerously unhealthy man read poetry while 100% naked except for his Chuck Taylors, you are changed forever. And when you get to the point where you see that guy enough that the thing you notice is how bad his comb-over is, there’s really no going back. God, I wish I was making that up.)
But wherever you like to go, it might be a good idea to see how a prospective beau might fit in there.
(Manslator’s Note: I don’t usually use the term “beau,” given that I am not a middle-aged woman in a Tennessee Williams play. But hey, when it works it works, right?)
Here are a couple of things to keep in mind, if you’re going to try this tactic:
- PICK SOMETHING THAT YOU ACTUALLY LIKE: Lucy F. took her dudes to these open mics because it was something she already spent her time doing. Don’t just bring a guy to the local dump, just for the sake of giving him something crappy to do as a test. That’s called “playing games” or “being a pain in the ass,” and we don’t like it. I’m guessing that you probably wouldn’t either. Please never do that crap. It’s not nice.
- DO NOT USE AN ACTUAL “LITMUS TEST”: Look, these things might be useful in science class, but I assure you, in this situation, they’re worthless. Seriously, I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been burned by making THIS mistake. (The only reason I can’t tell you how many times is that I can’t type the words “zero times.”)
- BE A GOOD DATE: If you’re bringing him to your home turf, he’s obviously going to feel a little bit out of place at first. (Especially if you actually have “home turf.” What, are you in a motorcycle gang with the Fonz?) Don’t just throw him to the wolves. Again, the goal is NOT to see if he can withstand you being a jerk.
- PAY ATTENTION TO YOUR RESULTS: Look, if he’s not the right guy, you want to KNOW that. That’s why you did this in the first place. Try not to do that thing we all do where you think, “Ah, well, he probably just punched my best friend because he was hungry. I bet he just gets cranky.” At that point, you want to be easin’ on down the road. Yes, just like The Wiz in tymes of olde.
Have any of you done this kind of thing? Brought a dude with you to someplace a little…challenging (i.e. Open Mic/Roller Derby/Comic Book Convention sort of things.) What’s your personal gauntlet? How did it work out for you?
Posted: September 18th, 2007 under Dating Preparation.
Comments
Comment from CleanySqueak
Time September 18, 2007 at 12:38 pm
But what if all you like to do is sit around your house and eat ice cream? Oh wait, I already know what happens. Hm. So, I have to leave the house? Is that what you’re hinting at?
Comment from FancyRedLady
Time September 18, 2007 at 1:17 pm
I dance a lot. And have a lot of dance friends.
I have invited men to meet me out dancing with the group and had varying reactions!
I DID learn the hard way that they can use some initiation into the “scene” since I dance with so many men and have so many friends out at these clubs! (Good advice, Jeff!)
But I also think that if they can’t handle seeing me in the arms of other men for a 3 minute song, they might not be able to handle the rest of my activites or friends, either.
I ususally only do this if we have gotten to know each other some first or if I’m really only interested in them as another dance buddy anyway, to be honest!
Comment from Jeff Mac
Time September 18, 2007 at 2:21 pm
MIssEd: No one is judging you. You do what you have to do.
CleanySqueak: You have just described the hottest fantasy I can currently muster.
FancyRedLady: Great ideas, FRL! My mom’s big into dancing, and from what she says, it seems like it would be ideal for this. As in, it’s a challenge for a newbie, but one with potential to be fun, for the right guy. Thanks for the report!
And now, I’m going to go back to fantasizing that I have CleanySqueak’s stay-at-home-ice-cream life.
Comment from bloggystyle
Time September 18, 2007 at 8:33 pm
I would add that the litmus-locale be very crowded, in case you need to lose him fast, which you will, in my experience.
A museum on pay-what-you-wish night is a good litmus test. Hey buddy! Whydontcha strain yourself and toss fifty cents in for the both of us, so I don’t have to dig! Compromise your rigid slacker ethos for two seco–no?
BUHBYE.
Comment from Lucy F.
Time September 18, 2007 at 9:16 pm
Jeff! Dude, thanks fer the kind words! Luckily, I never took a date to the mics on a night that Naked Guy With Problems was there. Unless you count Walter, on the occasions when he showed us his truss…anyway, in other news, I’ve signed up to go to an upcoming Singles Night at a gun range, and I’m not even kidding. I plan to ask a dude to make out with me OR ELSE.
Rock on, counselor!
Comment from Jeff Mac
Time September 19, 2007 at 9:16 am
bloggystyle: Good thinking on the crowds. Best to have a ready-made escape plan in case of dorks. And SNEAKY thinking on the getting him pay for your museum entry fee.
Lucy F.: Ok, your make out plans just made me laugh my head off. Any gun-totin’ American male who can’t get behind a snog-request at gunpoint ain’t worth the pelts he’s tradin’ with.
Comment from Dating Goddess
Time September 19, 2007 at 2:49 pm
Jeff:
Earlier this year I took a guy I had dated 6 weeks to a zydeco club I’d been wanting to try. We got there early, as it was new to both of us. I followed along well, but not good enough for him. He told me I didn’t know how to dance and wouldn’t dance with me! So we sat there the whole evening watching others dance. I asked him several times, but he said no. I considered asking other men but I thought that would be rude. Needless to say, he was history soon afterwards as that told me all I needed to know.
If you want the whole story, go to http://datinggoddess.wordpress.com/2007/02/05/being-in-step-with-the-dance-of-dating/.
Dating Goddess
Adventures in Delicious Dating After 40
Comment from Jeff Mac
Time September 20, 2007 at 8:20 am
Man, DG, do you still have his number? Seems like you missed out on a real prince…
Comment from MissEducation
Time September 18, 2007 at 10:09 am
I only bring guys to the dump because I LIKE it there, ok? If they can’t handle that about me, I don’t want to know them.