manslations

A reader named Connie is looking for some advice on a situation that, in my manslative estimation, has likely gone on as is  for a little too long. She writes:

Back in early June 2007 I said to a coworker “Have you seen any good movies lately?”
His response: What would you like to see?
Me: tongue tied (I cannot recall my response)
Him:We can go out to a movie & eat this Sunday (his day off) Monday too but he works in his business during the days.
Me: Can I have a raincheck I have a previous commitment, it is my niece’s bday.
Him: Sure ok. Cool Hot! Connie asked me out
Me: I did not!
Me: (later on) I let him know I was not brushing him off and would like a raincheck to go out another time.
Him: No problem. I may need a raincheck too.

A week later:
He asked me to call him because he may have to work a big backload on work.
I called & he said he couldn’t make it. Perhaps next Sunday.
Me: I reminded him that it was Father’s Day that next Sunday & I did not think he would be able to go.
Since then nothing has been mentioned about getting together. I had been advised by several people NOT to bring it up and let him pursue it.
Plus a couple of times during conversation, he made a comment “I’m relaxing and getting a “booty call” on my day off.
Then we were walking to our cars and during a conversation I mentioned that I asked my niece what a booty call was and was embarassed when she told me. I did this to kind of let him know I did not appreciate hearing about his “booty calls”. He has not said anything about them since. I did it in a funny way.
We do talk & kid each other. But nothing has been said. I am playing it cool.

Any advice?

Dear Connie,

I have to tell you, I am definitely not getting any kind of an “interested” vibe off of him. Honestly, I’d say that the Manslation here is to let this one go. He’s not in pursuit. From your description, it seems like there was a moment there when the two of you were TALKING about going out on a date. But after several unsuccessful attempts to make that happen (the last of which was in June) he stopped trying.

THE DEAD GIVEAWAY

He’s telling you about “booty calls” he’s been having. That right there tells you that a guy doesn’t think there’s anything between you. If a guy is interested in dating YOU, he’s not going to tell you about sex he’s having with other women. I try not to underestimate a man’s ability to be really dumb about what to say/not to say, but no guy is that dumb.

(Manslator’s Note: There ARE some guys who, if they want to get you into bed, will tell you about OTHER sexual conquests they’ve had. A womanizer pal of mine told me that he’ll do this to sort of “dare” a woman to “keep up”. I’ve never done this myself, so I don’t totally get how it could possibly work. And I’d be skeptical, but I’m told it has worked like a charm on numerous occasions.)

And look, let’s say I’m 100% off base here. (I know, I know — Jeff Mac? Wrong? Manslatah, please!) But let’s say that there’s a spark there that I’m not seeing from your description. I’d also say that he definitely has no idea that you are interested in HIM. You seem to be playing it so cool that he can’t know you’re playing at all. I barely do, and you TOLD me you are. At least I think that you did. Honestly, I’m not sure. Here’s all he knows for sure about your feelings on the situation:

• You seemed interested in going out in June
• The two of you tried a few times, but it never seemed to come together.
• On 2 occasions, you had excuses why you should NOT go out (including one excuse for why HE would be unavailable.)
• You haven’t spoken about it in months.

But honestly, I’m not getting an “I want to date Connie” vibe from this guy. From his behavior (not pursuing you, but being willing to go out when YOU asked, and then not pursuing once it proved diffcult to get together, talking about sex with other women) the vibe I’m getting is, “I’d sleep with Connie if the opportunity arose.”

I’d say just keep looking, Connie. This guy’s not the guy.

-Jeff Mac

What do you think, Manslatees? Any words of wisdom from down in the trenches? If, I’m saying, any of you are in trenches? Hello?