The Secret to Getting a Man to Fall Madly in Love With You? A Reader Request
Hello there, manslatees. We have our very first return customer. Frequent commenter and manslation requester (on the subject of men, cheating, and lying), Loirelei, has asked a very, very simple question:
So what’s the trick in getting a man to fall hopelessly and helplessly in love with you? There must be a general protocol to follow. Tell us the secret.
Dear Loirelei,
Thanks so much for such an easy one. Are you friggin’ kidding me? Ask me for the secret to peace on Earth, why don’t you! Or even “peach on Earth”, as I originally mistyped it. (Which I also don’t know the answer to, by the way.) If I knew the answer to THAT (either one) I’d be so rich I wouldn’t be able to move. (My apartment is so small that I’d be pinned to the walls by the giant stacks of money.)
I mean, I DO know the secret. And I will tell you. You’re just not going to like it very much. But first, 2 quick stories:
_________________________________________________
1. MY KUNG FU IS BEST: I read a story about a martial artist who was having a seminar on the secret to his expertise. Everybody showed up for this, because he was one of the greats in his style. His “secret” turned out to be something along the lines of:
Practice a whole lot, every day, for years.
Everybody got annoyed, but what did they want him to say? That he woke up every morning at three and rubbed cheerios through his hair? (Which, FYI, does not work.)
2. SECRETS FROM THE KING: Stephen King wrote an article called “Everything You Need to Know About Writing Successfully in 10 Minutes.” He was sort of making a joke with the title, but he did promise to tell you everything you needed to know and that it would only take 10 minutes to read. Step one (about halfway through the article, in section IV) is:
Be talented.
Once again, no way around that part of it, right?
_________________________________________________
So, there IS a secret to getting a man to fall hopelessly and helplessly in love with you. And here it is:
Step 1: Find a man who falls hopelessly and helplessly in love with you, and with whom YOU are hopelessly and helplessly in love.
Step 2: Date other dudes until you find that man.
Sorry. I’m really sorry. There’s just no skipping of that first step. It’s like that old Steve Martin joke, where he promises to tell you how you can be a millionaire, and never pay taxes. And the secret starts with, “Ok, firstyougetamilliondollars. Then…”
And yet, I’m always stunned to hear from women who want to skip that step. They find a guy, and they decide that this is THE ONE, and that they are going to MAKE him love them.
This is why I hear women ask me (and almost in these words sometimes) “How come he doesn’t know we’re in love?” Uhh…wha? If he was in love with you, umm, you’d both know about it.
YOU DON’T WANT A SECRET
I think the thing is, we don’t WANT to “get” someone to fall hopelessly and helplessly in love with us anyway. You don’t want a situation in which you followed some protocols, and they worked, and you have tricked him, and now you’ve got your pet man. You don’t really want that.
(Ok, maybe you want that. And hey, I’m sure that some dudes would even volunteer. Probably not the ones you were hoping for, though.)
So, given that my advice will be useless on this, here’s my advice (hey, who said I wasn’t up for a challenge?) My advice? The “secret” is to WANT to be with a man who falls for you like that (without your help) and to refuse to settle for something else. And then, date a bunch of guys, have a great time, don’t worry too much about the fact that you haven’t found the right person yet. Just know what you want and keep yourself entertained while you’re looking.
That’s why we date all those morons in the first place — to have something to keep us busy while we’re looking for the REAL thing.
Now, that having been said — if you DO come up with an actual “secret” or some “protocols” please tell me what they are. I’ll steal them and pretend I made them up. Even if I charged 50 cents a shot, I’d still have big canvas sacks of money with dollar signs painted on the outsides, just like in olde tymes. I wouldn’t even care if they don’t dispense money that way — I’d freaking buy a bank and MAKE them do it.
Ladies, what’s YOUR secret to getting a man to fall for you? Or to Peach on Earth, for that matter? And why aren’t you rich from selling it?
Posted: October 2nd, 2007 under Reader Requests.
Comments
Comment from Susan
Time October 2, 2007 at 8:12 am
(Hey, I read your other post from a few weeks ago — You’re not looking for advice for yourself to use on your friend Jesse — are you??!)
Ah, Jeff. It’s hard for us to admit a man may be right, but I’m at a point now where I think your “secret” is correct — we need to live our lives, meet people, maybe try new things that WE like and not settle out of loneliness. Relationships require work, but no one should have to (or want to) corral a person into one to get it started; that’s sounds like a doomed relationship from the start.
We really hate it when you’re right. Ugh.
Comment from Jeff Mac
Time October 2, 2007 at 12:11 pm
Loirelei: See, to me, that just sounds like a blatant invitation to getting your stuff peed on. I’d be very, very careful what you wish for. (Thanks so much for writing in again!)
Susan: Hey, listen — do you think I LIKE being this brilliant? It’s pure torture for me, too.
So, nobody has the secret to Peach on Earth?
Comment from Loiralei
Time October 3, 2007 at 10:26 am
Actually that reminds me I used to have a boyfriend that peed in the refrigerator when he saw it ran out of beer. So that’s not too far fetched! The scary part is -I loved him!
Comment from Loiralei
Time October 3, 2007 at 10:29 am
Note to Susan: I don’t know a Jesse – but if he’s cute – you can introduce me!
Comment from Jeff Mac
Time October 3, 2007 at 4:56 pm
Loirelei: Well…um…that’s ONE of the scary parts…
Comment from Susan
Time October 4, 2007 at 1:47 pm
Loralei…I don’t know Jesse James (or was it Jesse Joyce?), although it appears that he is from the fine Steel City where I now live. Anyway, Jeff writes about his manly – oh so manly friendship nothing more – with Mr. JJ. in a post dated around September 17 or 18, hence my reference because I KNOW that neither is trying to get the other to fall in love with him. No way. You can check out the post. (They’re both cute, aren’t they now – especially when trying to explain their manly friendship.)
Jeff, I’m not stalking your site. I’m just good with dates — ha, I wish.
Comment from Jeff Mac
Time October 4, 2007 at 2:11 pm
Oh sure, Susan, not stalking at all. Suuuure. I’m just SURE you don’t have a manslations date tracking spreadsheet, night vision goggles, duct tape, and chloroform at the ready…
Comment from Susan
Time October 4, 2007 at 5:38 pm
I’ve pulled out my adult diaper and gassed up the car to make a little road trip..NY here I come!
KIDDING
( well about the car. I’m really going to NY this weekend – by plane. I may still pack the diaper.)
by the way, after bragging about my ability to recall dates I couldn’t find that stupid post after all! Hmph. Lost the stupid spreadsheet.
Comment from Jeff Mac
Time October 5, 2007 at 8:00 am
Susan: Look, bring the diaper. If you don’t need it, so what? But if you need it and don’t bring it, well, you’re going to feel a little foolish, aren’t you?
Have fun in the city!
Comment from Dating Goddess
Time October 5, 2007 at 2:51 pm
Jeff: I have what may be as simple an answer to this question as yours. How you make a man fall in love with you? Become the woman who loves yourself so much (not in an arrogant way) that men can’t help but be drawn to you.
Women tend to be so down on themselves, always pointing out the few extra pounds they need to lose, or other “flaws,” or talking about the losers they’ve been dumped by — all *while* on a date! Men hate this. Have the confidence to show you like, really like yourself! And those who have similar feelings about themselves will come your way.
And Jeff, you are right, part of dating is having fun while you wait for *your* guy to show up. If you eschew dating because everyone you come across doesn’t meet your standards and you don’t want to “waste your time,” you’ll be twiddling your thumbs alone on Saturday night The time will pass whether you are casually dating a few guys or not. The trick is to know when to not let it progress so he thinks it’s more serious than you feel. That trick is called “honesty,” telling guys you’re wanting to find a LTR and that takes getting to know someone before you’re willing to commit to being exclusive.
And finally, Jeff, the secret to Peach on Earth: Fuzz.
Dating Goddess
http://www.DatingGoddess.com
Pingback from Getting a man to fall for you « Adventures in Delicious Dating After 40
Time October 6, 2007 at 2:00 pm
[...] a man to fall for you My friend Jeff Mac addressed an interesting question from one of his Manslation.com readers. She asked for the trick to getting a man to fall hopelessly [...]
Comment from Jeff Mac
Time October 6, 2007 at 3:40 pm
DG: Totally agree. When you’re YOU, you’re going to attract the person who wants that. (Great post over at DatingGoddess.com as well!)
And thank you for finally solving the peach on earth thing.
Comment from amurray
Time October 26, 2007 at 6:51 pm
DON’T BE A PUSH OVER, EASY OR NEEDY. BE CONFIDENT, FRIENDLY AND ONE OF THE GUYS, BUT WITH FEMININITY UNTIL YOU KNOW HE’S INTO YOU AND ONLY U
ACTIONS WILL TELL, IT’S WHAT HE DOES, NOT WHAT HE SAYS
Comment from Jeff Mac
Time October 27, 2007 at 12:54 pm
amurray: Actions not words — best possible advice for reading a man. Thanks for the comment!
Comment from not telling :-)
Time December 6, 2008 at 9:08 am
There is no way to get a man to fall in love with you. Just be nice and respectful, and let fate runs its course. Love will just naturally happen
Comment from Loiralei
Time October 2, 2007 at 7:43 am
At this point I wouln’t mind having a “pet man”. If he had the loyalty of my cat it’d be worth it.