manslations

We haven’t had one of these in a little while, my minions. (Look, just play along, ok? I’ve never had “minions” and until I get some, you’re it.) A quick and dirty manslation of some of the things that you Googled to get here. Should we wait around, or just get started? Are you kidding me? It’s the freaking “lightning round.” That’s the whole freaking POINT. To be…lightning-ish. Let’s move, people!

why do men scare easily

Probably linked you to THIS page (the man who goes “poof”), or maybe THIS one (should you call/email after a date).

So, why do men scare easily? They don’t.

If a man doesn’t want to date you, it’s not because he got scared. Not unless, as I’ve said before, your man is a tiny woodland creature, and/or has never seen a human before. That “man” might scare easily. But I promise, unless you are wielding a knife, you do NOT have to worry about men being “scared off.” I swear. When this appears to happen, what is REALLY happening is that his interest in you wasn’t that strong. Then again, he definitely IS scared of dating someone he doesn’t want to date. (I mean…aren’t you?)

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castration for all men

Now, see, I don’t know what happened here. I’m sure you got to this page about piglets being castrated. But seriously, why were you googling this? Your question seems kind of extreme, if you think about it. I mean, in a way, it almost seems like an awfully short-sighted solution to whatever problem you’re working through. Unless, of course, your problem is, “I’m not wild about homo sapiens as a species. What can I, a common mad scientist, do about it?” In that case, this might be your best bet. Though I have to tell you, I’m still against it.

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mean and their feelings

A little, uh, Freudian slip in your Google, there, madam? Or sir? (That’s called “non-discrimination” people. Look it up.) I think what you were going for is “MEN and their feelings.” I wrote a post about this a while back. In short, men don’t spend a lot of time thinking about our feelings. They’re just not all that interesting to us — they don’t DO anything, and you can’t keep score with them, so we don’t “get” them. So, when your man “won’t open up to you about his feelings,” seriously, I promise he’s not thinking about them all the time, but cruelly refusing to tell you, all the while laughing and twirling his moustache. (And why are you dating a man with a twirlable moustache in the first place? Think about THAT before you judge, missy.)

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great date and he never calls

Well…ONE of you had a great date. I’m sorry to be the one to tell you this (mostly because I was raised in Connecticut where we don’t like to disappoint people with bad news) but apparently he doesn’t agree with you. If he’d had a great date, he’d have called. Move on. It wasn’t something that you did wrong. You just went out with the wrong guy. The right guy will be DYING to call. Keep looking for that guy.

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if he doesnt call should i call

You can, but again, why do you want to call someone who doesn’t want to talk to you? The only possible excuse for a man not to call even if he genuinely likes you would be if he has gotten the idea that he has no chance with you. Or if he’s been kidnapped (definitely cut him some slack for that as well). But let’s say you have a date, and then he doesn’t call for a week. What good could possibly come of calling THAT guy? “Oh, thank god you called! I’d been just aching to talk to you for a week, but I just…” What? He just what? Started pushing all those buttons on his cellphone and got exhausted from the effort half-way through the area code? Move alone, people. Nothing to date here.
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That does it for another Google Lightning Round, people. Keep on searchin’ ladies (and/or castrators.) Any of you lovely manslatees get here via Google? What were YOU searching for?