manslations

Welcome back to another edition — and possibly the most Corey-filled edition ever — of Manslations News Roundup. Let’s get right into it, if for no other reason than…well, it involves the Coreys.

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THE COREYS ARE IN THE “TOP TEN MOVIE BADASSES”: WORLD RESPONDS “WAIT…OH YEAH, THEY DID USED TO DO MOVIES…”

This, my friends, is the lengths to which some guys will go to be a bad ass. There is a “Top Ten Movie Badasses” list in Maxim. Number one? Lee Marvin in Point Blank. I’ve never seen the film, but, hey, I have no problem with this choice. He’s a total badass.

Tied for second place are Corey Haim, Corey Feldman, and Jamison Newlander (the kid who played Corey Feldman’s brother in the Lost Boys.) All three are pictured above. (And, I believe, ONLY above.)

I guess the sad part is that the Coreys clearly paid somebody, but apparently a signed poster from “License to Drive” only gets you tied for second place.

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ITALIAN POLITICIAN WANTS TAX BREAKS FOR MEN STILL LIVING WITH MOM…IF THEY MOVE OUT

We’ve talked about Italian men living with their moms once before. Now, an Italian politician wants to give these mama’s boys a financial incentive to, you know, get a life.

I think maybe they could make it a sort of a dual-incentive. After the age of, let’s say 40 (hey, I’m giving them a nice big grace period to get it together), it’s a tax break for the guy if he moves out. And if he doesn’t, it’s a tax break for the parents if they kill him. Either way, problem solved!

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BIRD FERTILITY BOOSTED IF THEY THINK THEY’RE ABOUT TO GET LAID. SCIENTIST NEEDS HOBBY.

Apparently, male birds are more fertile if they sense that they might actually have a chance at getting laid. Unfortunately, lab scientists who aren’t curing cancer are probably still exactly as unlikely to get laid, regardless of how fertile the birds get. You can study as many birds as you want, friend, it’s not helping.

Mostly, I like this story because the testing methodology involved a “romantic chamber” and a “non-romantic chamber.” Plus, it allowed me to find that picture. Hottt.

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DUTCH ORANGUTAN PREFERS BLONDE, TATTOOED HUMANS OVER FEMALE ORANGUTANS

Apparently, an orangutan in a Dutch zoo isn’t interested in mating with his own kind, and only has eyes for his trainers, specifically the blonde ones with tattoos. Seriously.

I’ve never felt closer to an orangutan before. Not so much for the blonde women with tattoos (though I’m sure they’re all very nice) but more for the other part. I, too, just can’t get into the idea of mating with a female orangutan either. It just seems so wrong.

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That about covers it for this week, ladies. I’ll be back on Monday with plenty more reader requests, manslatable news, etc. And, as always, if you’ve got a question that needs a manslation, ask it HERE. See you next week!