Comments on: Shelby’s Man Has a Friend Who Is a Woman…a Reader Request

By: Jeff Mac

Jeff Mac — Thu, 18 Oct 2007 13:40:28 +0000

Just Me: Can’t argue with that — an affair is an affair, sex or not. And yes, if your significant other is closer to someone else than they are to YOU…uh…no thanks on that situation. Ugh.

Dating Goddess: Absolutely agree — the only way to keep a man from cheating is to be with the man who isn’t cheating. And if you ARE with a man who isn’t cheating, but you treat him like he MIGHT, hoo boy, is THAT a turnoff.

Shelby: I’m so glad that you guys were able to talk this one out. These awkward conversations definitely come up in a real relationship. And the smart folks use them to get closer to one another. Well done!

By: Shelby

Shelby — Wed, 17 Oct 2007 21:12:46 +0000

I did have this conversation with him and he did quiet any concerns on my part. They weren’t even talking as often as I’d initially thought; it’s more innocent than I’d thought and he went to great lengths to explain his feelings for me, build my sense of security and showed much patience and understanding. The way he took the time to discuss this with me and the conversation we had spoke volumes, as did his actions. I sort of feel the conversation did bring us closer. Thank-you, Jeff! You’re also right (Dating Goddess) that if he’s going to stray, it’s going to happen and there’s nothing I can (or will try to do) to stop it. Per my previous post (and recent comment on this), if it’s going to happen, it’s going to happen. Hopefully things will continue on wonderfully. Life’s a gamble…

By: Dating Goddess

Dating Goddess — Wed, 17 Oct 2007 20:06:07 +0000

My ex had a lot of feminine energy, so he got along well with women, thus had a lot of female friends. As long and we stayed connected on all levels I didn’t see it as a problem.

I’d rather have a man who has friends of either gender than a man who has no friends at all. The latter doesn’t know how to support others, be compassionate, giving, stay connected, etc. So you could look at the fact that he has this gal pal as a gift.

If he is going to stray, he’s going to stray. There’s really nothing that you can do about it, as all the talking about your discomfort will just make you look insecure. So don’t try to put the bird in a cage that will make him resentful and leave you. Give him some space, and if he leaves you for her, oh well!

Dating Goddess
http://www.DatingGoddess.com

By: Just Me

Just Me — Wed, 17 Oct 2007 17:33:06 +0000

I dunno…

There’s been a lot of stuff recently in the press about emotional affairs. Having been married for 28 years (and now divorced) I can say that when an emotional gulf or disconnect starts to form, it can be a cause for concern. A warning to sit up and take notice.

Physical infidelity isn’t even the issue –emotional infidelity can be just as problematic.

Having gal pals is fine, but you should be the one he’s closest to emotionally, especially if he’s an emotional guy. I was married to one of those. It’s really important.

OK, I’m off my soapbox. I learned this lesson the hard way and just wanted to pass on the intel.