manslations

Heather from the website “Just a Moment” (where she, like me, has expressed an interest in odd Googling behavior) has a question about what men find appealing in a woman, and what’s a good first move. Let’s see if we can give her a hand here. She writes:

What’s the most appropriate first move with a man? How do you let them know you are interested without setting off the “look out boys, I’m going to get laid” bells in his head. Don’t get me wrong, I wouldn’t want to be with someone who didn’t want to have sex…been there, got frustrated..and a bad cramp. But I am looking for someone who wants more than that for me. What do men find appealing in a woman?

Dear Heather,

Fantastic question, and one that seems confusing to women. I get some variation on this theme a lot, so:

QUESTION: WHAT DO MEN FIND APPEALING?

ANSWER: THERE ARE ANSWERS TO THIS, BUT YOU DON’T WANT THEM…

See, here’s the thing. The opening line from Anna Karenina (which I very nearly read one time) goes,

“All happy families are alike; each unhappy family is unhappy in its own way.”

Well, never let it be said that I’m afraid to steal a quote from a great book I almost read, and then ruin it for my own purposes. Here it is:

“All male sexual requirements are relatively similar; each man’s relationship requirements are all different.”

All right! 800 more pages, and I’ve got a great Russian novel on my hands!

Anyway, the better question is:

HOW CAN YOU BE APPEALING TO THE RIGHT MEN (and not put the dogs only looking to get you in the sack at DEFCON One)?

Answer: You can’t narrow it down completely, but you can get off on the right foot if you REFUSE TO TRY TO APPEAL TO ALL MEN.

As a woman, your sexual attractiveness is never going to be a laser-guided smart weapon, of course. It is a massive, area-of-effect saturation bomb. Picture in your mind (or wherever you picture things. I do that in my mind, but if you do it in your pancreas or something, uh, fire it up now, I suppose) a woman who is attempting to appeal to ALL men.

Who’d you get? When I did that, I got Paris Hilton. Doesn’t matter if you got her or one of the other hookers out there. The result is the same.

“I’m shallow, I’m easy, and I’m looking for attention — from ALL OF YOU.“

Think of it like the predator/prey relationship. A woman sending out a general vibe is basically swimming in shark infested waters, and thrashing about (which, I don’t know if you watch Discovery Channel, but sharks pretty much whack off to that.)

DON’T WORRY ABOUT SPECIFIC FIRST MOVES Unless your standard “first move” is to poop your pants or suckerpunch him in the face, don’t worry about this too much. It’s all about ATTITUDE.

If you are just you on your A-game, and take the attitude that you want/deserve/will only accept a real relationship (and that you can live without one for TONIGHT, and won’t accept some BS that some buttwipe makes up to bed you) there will be 2 benefits. (And maybe more, but that’s all I thought of this morning. Hey, I just woke up, ok?)

1. There’s nothing more attractive than this attitude — that you’re definitely in the market, but in no way desperate for anything.
2. And there’s nothing more frustrating to a Player. The Players aren’t too hard to spot if you WANT to spot them. Ergo, Players are experts at spotting the women who do NOT want to know the truth — as in, the women who want someone to tell them all the right things (whether or not they’re true. Or even remotely plausible.)

So, that’s the big “advice”, Heather. If you’re willing to be your best self, and forget about what is appealing to men (don’t worry — they’ll mostly all still want to do you) you might just be able to minimize the attention from the jackasses, and give yourself a better chance to meet the guys that YOU’RE looking for.

Laydeees? What’s YOUR “first move”? And how’s it working for you?