“The waiting is about seeing if the guy is truly interested. That’s because some women feel hurt if they have sex and nothing more happens.”

On the other hand, I am 35 years old. And I have a higher sex drive right now at this time in my life than I EVER have before. And here I thought that old statistic of women hitting their “peak” in their 30′s was crap. Bah.

just not with a particular someone, that you share more and more with…

or not

cause there is a point where it just don’t matter

and it is a really cool place

like that seagull jonothan talks about

…whistfully thinking…~

Especially since my divorce I have dated a great deal. No man who ever was “really into me” left because I said not yet ( and when I said it I often wanted it too, but I needed to know if there was something more there than raw sexual attraction). I find sex fulfilling when I am connected, and no longer too shy to talk about my sexual needs or hear about theirs and that takes a different amount of time depending on the person, how open they are, chemistry, etc. Because I got to know them a bit there were many, while into me, I found I was not into for various reasons (one I discovered had a percocet addiction, another drank excessively, one had an awful scream at the checkout girl temper…) and I had not wasted my body, risked attachment to an unhealthy person (for many women sex attaches them emotionally more than for men), or risked exposure to them. But that’s me. If you don’t have a problem with the notches, can stay emotionally detached while physically connectedand still getting to know someone, and are not worried about catching the STD’s condoms don’t protect against (there are several) go for it if it feels right.

2) No man’s decision about whether or not they like you will be in any way affected deliteriously by the fact that you slept with them unless the sex is bad.

If they like you they like you. If the sex is good that’s a “wow that too!” bonus. If you don’t hear from them they were either just looking to get laid (and not into you in the first place) or the sex sucked, period! If it was good for you, and you enjoyed the moment without guilt or feeling used who cares? I have girlfriends who are fine with this. Then I have those who pretend they are fine with it when actually I watch it erode their self respect and damage their capacity for a healthy relationship, what they are truly seeking. Know thyself.

3) If it is good there is a point where you need to see if that part works.

I was a virgin when I married for religious reasons. The sex was AWFUL. Since my divorce I have discovered how much I really love sex. So…I do not regret the post marital liasons that did not work out. There was a point where that amount of intimacy was required to figure it out (plus I had anywhere from ok to mind blowing sex, good porch memories). They were learning experiences mentally, spiritually, and sexually. Had I not waited until my mind caught up with my body I may have had regret, or become attached emotionally and less able to see that the bad guys were in fact bad. Those I chose to connect with sexually were not bad. I cared about them, and they cared about me, and for various reasons it just did not work . I am friends with them all, and I have NO regrets.

4) As straight laced as I am when it comes to when to hopping in bed (ranging from not until marriage to generally at least a couple to six months) when it’s right, it’s right.

My current boyfriend just lights my world. He kissed me on the first date and I knew we had chemistry. By date five we were in bed, with this caveat. I said “I do not usually do this unless I am in an exclusive relationship. It seems too soon for that, I am not sure I am even ready for that. I cannot sleep with you knowing you are seeing or sleeping with other women out of dignity for myself and my values, and I am ok with waiting.” He said “I am done, no one else”. It was great out of the gate and is getting better and better. It’s been months and we still do it at least several times a day. I can’t get enough. It is not just the sex there is such connection on every level. We cook, garden, take yoga together. We talk and take care of each other and that has made the sex better and better. What’s funny is because of my marriage I am the committment phobe not him. I am the anti-marriage, I am dating only you but I swear if I hear the “L” word I will run, freaking myself out cuz I am getting attached to him. I admit being man brained in many regards using maps well, and N,S, E, and W when giving directions, so…I am more pragmatic than emotional when it comes to most things, even affairs of the heart. The only way he knows that I really like him is that since my marriage ended, of all the guys I dated (one for three months a world record for me) no one met my children. I refuse to have men in and out of their lives and I was quite particular and in no hurry to settle down. He has met them and is wonderful to them. I may not have decided but my six year old asks me how he can get Mr…to be his step dad. His friends at school have them he protests.LOL.

You have all left insightful messages that have spurred a new thought pattern for me. From now on, I will make decisions of sex and relationships based on my needs instead of propriety. I will listen to my mind/body/soul and make the best decisions for myself based on what it tells me.

Thanks again to all!