Comments on: Reader Request: Scarlett Wants Another Chance http://manslations.com/2007/11/08/reader-request-scarlett-wants-another-chance/ Ask for Jeff Mac's advice on what men think -- about relationships, dating, sex, love, squirrels, whatever. Tue, 07 Sep 2010 00:30:34 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.0.1 By: Jeff Mac http://manslations.com/2007/11/08/reader-request-scarlett-wants-another-chance/comment-page-1/#comment-3096 Jeff Mac Sat, 10 Nov 2007 19:46:56 +0000 http://manslations.com/2007/11/08/reader-request-scarlett-wants-another-chance/#comment-3096 Sian: Me? Generalising? Perhaps. Full of crap? Possibly. I suppose only Scarlett will be able to unravel this one for sure.... Theatregal: I'm with you -- no friggin' games. If the person you're with doesn't like who you actually ARE...well...how is THAT ever going to work? Sian: Me? Generalising? Perhaps. Full of crap? Possibly. I suppose only Scarlett will be able to unravel this one for sure….

Theatregal: I’m with you — no friggin’ games. If the person you’re with doesn’t like who you actually ARE…well…how is THAT ever going to work?

]]> By: Theatregal http://manslations.com/2007/11/08/reader-request-scarlett-wants-another-chance/comment-page-1/#comment-3093 Theatregal Sat, 10 Nov 2007 03:15:53 +0000 http://manslations.com/2007/11/08/reader-request-scarlett-wants-another-chance/#comment-3093 It all depends on how you feel about the person and the relationship. ..... I believe how old or mature you are now.......a day later or a year later makes a difference. People change. Some even grow up....imagine? Isn't that the whole point of life? Learning and growing? I agree with Sian. Nothing is EVER Black and White. I seriously hate all the game playing one is supposed to play. I won't do it. If that means I'm alone forever, so be it. If I have to play games, then the relarionship is fake anyway. It's too bad people spend their lives reading books about how to trick people into relationship, instead of just telling the truth, feeling their feelings, and being themselves. It all depends on how you feel about the person and the relationship. ….. I believe how old or mature you are now…….a day later or a year later makes a difference. People change. Some even grow up….imagine? Isn’t that the whole point of life? Learning and growing? I agree with Sian. Nothing is EVER Black and White. I seriously hate all the game playing one is supposed to play. I won’t do it. If that means I’m alone forever, so be it. If I have to play games, then the relarionship is fake anyway. It’s too bad people spend their lives reading books about how to trick people into relationship, instead of just telling the truth, feeling their feelings, and being themselves.

]]> By: Sian http://manslations.com/2007/11/08/reader-request-scarlett-wants-another-chance/comment-page-1/#comment-3091 Sian Fri, 09 Nov 2007 21:29:32 +0000 http://manslations.com/2007/11/08/reader-request-scarlett-wants-another-chance/#comment-3091 Dating Goddess: I agree with your advice. Jeff: I see what you are saying, but feel you are generalising. I am sure females do this to guys too. sometimes people aren't in touch with there feelings until they are challenged. I am not saying she should just take him back, but he has opened the door and she has a choice whether to close it for good, or to keep it slighlty ajar and to see what unfolds. Dating Goddess: I agree with your advice.

Jeff: I see what you are saying, but feel you are generalising. I am sure females do this to guys too. sometimes people aren’t in touch with there feelings until they are challenged.

I am not saying she should just take him back, but he has opened the door and she has a choice whether to close it for good, or to keep it slighlty ajar and to see what unfolds.

]]> By: Jeff Mac http://manslations.com/2007/11/08/reader-request-scarlett-wants-another-chance/comment-page-1/#comment-3092 Jeff Mac Fri, 09 Nov 2007 20:43:01 +0000 http://manslations.com/2007/11/08/reader-request-scarlett-wants-another-chance/#comment-3092 <strong>Loiralei</strong>: As Dating Goddess says, I think he's testing the waters. But for what? <strong> DG</strong>:I agree that he's dipping his toe in to see where she's at. But I have literally never heard of a man breaking it off with someone and then getting back together with them because of a good reason (i.e NOT loneliness or horniness.) I think of it like quitting a job. If you quit your job, the only reasons you end up going back are a.) you're broke, and/or b.) you couldn't find anything better. It's not because you suddenly realize that you liked that job. Loiralei: As Dating Goddess says, I think he’s testing the waters. But for what?

DG:I agree that he’s dipping his toe in to see where she’s at. But I have literally never heard of a man breaking it off with someone and then getting back together with them because of a good reason (i.e NOT loneliness or horniness.)

I think of it like quitting a job. If you quit your job, the only reasons you end up going back are a.) you’re broke, and/or b.) you couldn’t find anything better. It’s not because you suddenly realize that you liked that job.

]]> By: Dating Goddess http://manslations.com/2007/11/08/reader-request-scarlett-wants-another-chance/comment-page-1/#comment-3094 Dating Goddess Fri, 09 Nov 2007 18:59:50 +0000 http://manslations.com/2007/11/08/reader-request-scarlett-wants-another-chance/#comment-3094 I think he was testing the water to get back into the game with her. I've had this happen a number of times. A guy goes poof and then resurfaces (the last one took an 18-month break in contact), then lobs a "how ya doing?" email/IM/call to see how you'll react. He misses you, realizes he made a mistake, or is just horny/lonely and wants to see if he can get something going again. But to open with "I miss you and want to get back together" is too needy and vulnerable. You might be seeing someone else. You might blast him for daring to darken your in-box after you told him off. Etc. So the "how ya doing?" is a soft opening to see how receptive you are to him. So, after carefully considering Jeff and the other's sage advice, if you want to start seeing him again, he's opening the door. If not, say, "thanks for contacting me, but I'm afraid I've moved on." Dating Goddess Adventures in Delicious Dating After 40 http://www.DatingGoddess.com I think he was testing the water to get back into the game with her. I’ve had this happen a number of times. A guy goes poof and then resurfaces (the last one took an 18-month break in contact), then lobs a “how ya doing?” email/IM/call to see how you’ll react. He misses you, realizes he made a mistake, or is just horny/lonely and wants to see if he can get something going again.

But to open with “I miss you and want to get back together” is too needy and vulnerable. You might be seeing someone else. You might blast him for daring to darken your in-box after you told him off. Etc. So the “how ya doing?” is a soft opening to see how receptive you are to him.

So, after carefully considering Jeff and the other’s sage advice, if you want to start seeing him again, he’s opening the door. If not, say, “thanks for contacting me, but I’m afraid I’ve moved on.”

Dating Goddess
Adventures in Delicious Dating After 40
http://www.DatingGoddess.com

]]> By: Loiralei http://manslations.com/2007/11/08/reader-request-scarlett-wants-another-chance/comment-page-1/#comment-3090 Loiralei Fri, 09 Nov 2007 15:15:23 +0000 http://manslations.com/2007/11/08/reader-request-scarlett-wants-another-chance/#comment-3090 Why did he even bother to Call her then? What's the reason for THAT?! Why did he even bother to Call her then? What’s the reason for THAT?!

]]> By: Jeff Mac http://manslations.com/2007/11/08/reader-request-scarlett-wants-another-chance/comment-page-1/#comment-3095 Jeff Mac Fri, 09 Nov 2007 12:27:36 +0000 http://manslations.com/2007/11/08/reader-request-scarlett-wants-another-chance/#comment-3095 <strong>Sassy</strong>: Tell me about it -- I can barely dress myself in the morning. <strong>Susan</strong>: Good thinking -- why did they break it off in the first place? Has that changed? <strong>Sian</strong>: I like the "win-win" logic here, though I still have to disagree with you on this guy's behavior (specifically the "needing space to sort out his true feelings" part -- that's one of those things that guys say when they want out, and only because they think women will believe it. It's literally never been true for any guys I know.) But thanks for the opposing viewpoint! Believe me, I never rule out the possibility that I am totally full of it. <strong>Mimsie</strong>: Thanks for the NON-opposing viewpoint. Or, rather, the opposing viewpoint TO the opposing viewpoint. Sassy: Tell me about it — I can barely dress myself in the morning.

Susan: Good thinking — why did they break it off in the first place? Has that changed?

Sian: I like the “win-win” logic here, though I still have to disagree with you on this guy’s behavior (specifically the “needing space to sort out his true feelings” part — that’s one of those things that guys say when they want out, and only because they think women will believe it. It’s literally never been true for any guys I know.)

But thanks for the opposing viewpoint! Believe me, I never rule out the possibility that I am totally full of it.

Mimsie: Thanks for the NON-opposing viewpoint. Or, rather, the opposing viewpoint TO the opposing viewpoint.

]]> By: Mimsie http://manslations.com/2007/11/08/reader-request-scarlett-wants-another-chance/comment-page-1/#comment-3089 Mimsie Fri, 09 Nov 2007 06:41:52 +0000 http://manslations.com/2007/11/08/reader-request-scarlett-wants-another-chance/#comment-3089 Hi All, Great article Manslatissimo... With all due respect to Sian, it's been my experience that the best predictor of future behavior is past behavior. Furthermore, having had a similar thing happen to me on two counts -- contact after months of radio silence following a break up because I finally realized I put up with WAY too much crappola -- I consulted two guy friends who basically said that Señiors Incommunicado were after me as "date insurance" which made me feel terrible. I admittedly have self-esteem issues, but Mami puts up with NONE of this kind of nonsense. Hi All,

Great article Manslatissimo…

With all due respect to Sian, it’s been my experience that the best predictor of future behavior is past behavior.

Furthermore, having had a similar thing happen to me on two counts — contact after months of radio silence following a break up because I finally realized I put up with WAY too much crappola — I consulted two guy friends who basically said that Señiors Incommunicado were after me as “date insurance” which made me feel terrible.

I admittedly have self-esteem issues, but Mami puts up with NONE of this kind of nonsense.

]]> By: Sian http://manslations.com/2007/11/08/reader-request-scarlett-wants-another-chance/comment-page-1/#comment-3083 Sian Fri, 09 Nov 2007 02:14:43 +0000 http://manslations.com/2007/11/08/reader-request-scarlett-wants-another-chance/#comment-3083 Jeff, loved your cool advice from the male perspective... but life is never black and white, so in the guise of shades of grey I will have to disagree ( even though you are pretty cute-take note of brownie points attempt here!) Scarlett, what has happened between you and this guy is in the past-leave it there!. View this as a new opportunity to CREATE something wonderful on your TERMS. Stop reacting to this guy's behaviour, but manifest a whole new dynamic with him. Let him do all the work in getting you back. Be polite and pleased to hear from him if he calls, but end all conversations first. Act a bit mysterious and evasive but keep him guessing. I don't agree with jeff when he says the guy has waited too long to call, after all he may have needed this space to sort out his true feelings for you. So, make him work for you attention. If he doesn't step up to the bar you have lost nothing, but kept your dignity in the process. To me, this is a win /win situation for you. Either way you can't lose. Good luck Sian Jeff, loved your cool advice from the male perspective… but life is never black and white, so in the guise of shades of grey I will have to disagree ( even though you are pretty cute-take note of brownie points attempt here!)

Scarlett, what has happened between you and this guy is in the past-leave it there!. View this as a new opportunity to CREATE something wonderful on your TERMS. Stop reacting to this guy’s behaviour, but manifest a whole new dynamic with him.

Let him do all the work in getting you back. Be polite and pleased to hear from him if he calls, but end all conversations first. Act a bit mysterious and evasive but keep him guessing.

I don’t agree with jeff when he says the guy has waited too long to call, after all he may have needed this space to sort out his true feelings for you.

So, make him work for you attention. If he doesn’t step up to the bar you have lost nothing, but kept your dignity in the process.

To me, this is a win /win situation for you. Either way you can’t lose.

Good luck

Sian

]]> By: Susan http://manslations.com/2007/11/08/reader-request-scarlett-wants-another-chance/comment-page-1/#comment-3085 Susan Thu, 08 Nov 2007 18:04:12 +0000 http://manslations.com/2007/11/08/reader-request-scarlett-wants-another-chance/#comment-3085 How bad (good?) was the "good reason" that caused the break up? I think human nature is to fall back to things we know and are comfortable with, even if they're uncomfortable, vs. facing the unknown, as Sassy wrote. Like Lori, my experience is that the right guy doesn't need convincing, although this is usually only after a lot of tears and time have passed that I realize this. Certainly don't be afraid of being on your own for a little while. How bad (good?) was the “good reason” that caused the break up? I think human nature is to fall back to things we know and are comfortable with, even if they’re uncomfortable, vs. facing the unknown, as Sassy wrote. Like Lori, my experience is that the right guy doesn’t need convincing, although this is usually only after a lot of tears and time have passed that I realize this. Certainly don’t be afraid of being on your own for a little while.

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