manslations

Today we’ve got a letter from Bonnie, who is dating what we in he business call a “jerk”. Sorry if that ruins the surprise for any of you who like surprise endings. But this man is trouble. And I’m really hoping that she’s gone by now. She’s asking about one of his amazingly jerkish behaviors (and I’m guessing it’s not the only one.) Bonnie writes:

Why do some men insist on having a nude picture or video of you and keep insisting even though you say NO? I said NO several times to my boyfriend and he snapped one anyway when I was coming out of the bathroom after a shower! I had always trusted him but this made me angry and I insisted he erase it but he said he didn’t know how and said I was making a big deal of it and “weirding him out”. He said “what two people do in private is between them”. But I reminded him that I didn’t give him permission to take a nude surprise picture of me and we continued to fight and then he wanted to take me home! I am still very upset over this and now he says ” we should just breakup then because of the way I’m acting” and he still has the picture in his digital says he “can’t figure out how to remove it and doesn’t have time to bother with something so ridiculous”. And the picture is ugly! Is this normal behavior? Why would he do this?

Dear Bonnie,

Well, I don’t think you need to ask why he would take a nude picture of you against your will. I think you can figure that out. As masturbatory fodder and/or some kind of a creepy trophy which he may or may not show to other people you don’t even know. What a winner!

The question you need to ask is this:

Q: WHY WOULD A DECENT GUY BEHAVE IN THIS WAY?

A: He wouldn’t. Ever. Seriously. This is a bad, bad guy. He’s a total prick, and he knows it.

Ok, Bonnie, this is abusive and weird behavior. It’s potentially dangerous. The manslation here is that this man was looking to see what he could get away with to prove to himself that he was a badass. And since he kept wanting this even after you refused several times, and then he went ahead and DID it, AND he is unwilling to delete the picture — this tells me that it might very well be some kind of a weird trophy that he’s going for. If it was just for his OWN use, I’d tend to think that he wouldn’t have poured on the BS quite so hard. (If he really just wanted to look at you naked, why would he break up with you, a potentially naked REAL person? But if he wanted to show someone ELSE this photo, well, he doesn’t really “need” you for that, does he?)

Couple of quick signs that he is a piece of trash:

1. Refused to hear your objections, and took the photo anyway. There’s no reason that a respectful man does this. (I mean, unless it was like one of those movies where a kidnapper takes his family and then says, “Ok, go get a naked picture of your girlfriend or your family gets it!” If that happened, you know, you could consider cutting him some slack. But since this situation rarely happens more than a couple of times a week, I’d make sure you get proof before believing him.)
2. Turned it on YOU when you got upset (see the post about the Anger Smokescreen). Notice that he NEVER listened to your concerns. Ever. He said that YOU were weirding HIM out (ha!) and threatens to dump you over YOUR behavior. Ridiculous. A guy does this to play on what he hopes are your insecurities and to make you doubt that he ever did anything wrong. It’s like the Jedi Mind Trick, but for total buttwipes. Instead of jedis.
3. Lied about not knowing how to delete the photo. Come on. This is just not true. Moreover, it doesn’t matter. If he had the slightest respect for you, well, he’d friggin’ figure OUT how to delete the photo (which he wouldn’t have taken of you in the first place.)

Yeah, we regret to inform you that your boyfriend is a douche. If for some reason you haven’t already, do what you have to do to get that photo destroyed (on his camera AND his computer) and give him the heave-ho. Immediately. He violated your trust. And worse, he tried to convince you that YOU were being unreasonable about it. This is the kind of guy you do NOT want to be in possession of compromising photos of your bod. Oh man, what a douchebasket.

IS THIS NORMAL?

NO NO NO. In answer to your 2nd to last question, this is NOT normal behavior. I’m not a lawyer, but I don’t think it’s even LEGAL behavior. If you have a friend who is a cop, I’d even suggest seeing if there’s something you can do about getting THEM to get that picture deleted for you. Seriously.

Good luck, Bonnie. This guy hasn’t the least bit of respect for women. None. Now, I’d never, NEVER advocate threatening him with physical violence. Never. However, if I DID suggest such a thing, I’d say to get a big-assed male friend to come with you to his place, get this fool to destroy that picture and get out. And maybe have your big, scary friend pee on him. But again, I’d never suggest such a thing. It would be wrong. Wrong, wrong, wrong.

Manslator’s Legal Disclaimer:

Dear Police,

If Bonnie does what I said above, please take note that I didn’t want her to actually DO it. I am but a simple manslator, and too adorable for prison.

That said, if you for some reason end up arresting this guy, please make sure you give him a really amorous “roomie” when he gets to the bighouse. Do you guys still have the “bighouse”? Or “up the river,” do you have that? Whatever you have, please make sure that he has a real adventure in there. Specifically, one that involves someone who treats him the way he treats women.

And if for any reason you ever putting ME in prison (and please don’t — I’m a straight shooter, pinky swear) please feel free to put me in solitary. I know that’s considered the big punishment in there, but I think what I lose in “thought-provoking conversation” I will gain in “not being spooned by a murderer”, you know? It’s a tradeoff, definitely. But I’ll take it.

Sincerely,

Jeff “Jail Gorgeous” Mac

Ladies, please, tell Bonnie that she does not have to put up with this.