Comments on: What to Do When You’re Still Crazy About Your Ex?

By: hunter

hunter — Mon, 24 Dec 2007 02:53:30 +0000

to cassandra,

…….my bondage lifted, with meditation and prayer…………….

By: Jeff Mac

Jeff Mac — Mon, 17 Dec 2007 14:01:08 +0000

Ronnie: Excellent point — you can go nuts thinking it’s going to be the way it was, but even if it was that way, it’s probably not now!

By: Ronnie-The Dating Coach

Ronnie-The Dating Coach — Fri, 14 Dec 2007 14:07:41 +0000

As a former torch-holder, here’s what I learned about that fire stick – It’s an illusion. I held a torch for 10 long years (OK, I was a slow learner) I couldn’t move on until I told my ex what he was missing and waht a mistake he’d made. Then an opportunity arose to see him through my class reunion.

We got together and had dinner. Guess what I discovered- TIME IS NOT STATIC. He wasn’t the same person any more and neither was I. I got a good dose of how he WAS NOT the right guy given where he’d taken his life without me. AND, we didn’t discuss any of the relationship stuff. It just didn’t need to be discussed again – to what end?

Finally the torch was extinquisked and I was left with 10 years of vital dating time wasted because I hadn’t let go. My heart hadn’t been open to meet a new man who could have been a better match.

I recommend taking steps to clear this up. Any of the ways stated above will work – from calling him to talk, to taking time off from dating. But don’t keep your love life on hold with “filler guys” dreaming of what could be… because that vision with your ex could come true or it could be a fairytale in your head.

There’s only one way to find out. I hope you choose whatever the right method is for you, do it and find clarity soon, so you can find the love you want and deserve.

By: Jeff Mac

Jeff Mac — Wed, 12 Dec 2007 19:36:52 +0000

mar: Agreed. You can’t avoid making difficult choices just because they’re difficult. (That’s why they have that name!)

Susan: Not a bad idea — a little T/O might make some sense. The urgency combined with the “forbidden-ness” might just be confusing the issue.

Sassy: Yeah, I meant to add about “not wanting to break someone’s heart” that not only do people survive, but I don’t think it’s even a bad thing. I wouldn’t take back the times in my life when I’ve been devastated. I wouldn’t exactly go LOOKING for them, heh. But I don’t regret getting squashed now and then. That’s part of who you ARE, right?

By: Sassy

Sassy — Wed, 12 Dec 2007 18:49:22 +0000

I agree with Susan. There needs to be a real, honest “time-out” to see what you need. As Jeff said, someone’s heart will be broken somewhere, but people do live through those experiences, believe or not! I might even impose the “no contact” rule with the ex–no phone, no email, no personal contact for about 60 days. It’s rough, but it will help you sort through your feelings. Good luck!

By: Susan

Susan — Wed, 12 Dec 2007 17:16:01 +0000

I agree with Jeff and mar above. But what I’d recommend is that you spend some time on your own — no convenient filler relationships, no immediate get togethers with your ex who is just coming out of his own relationship situation. You are so young and you’re now both parents (if I read that right) — just spend some time with YOU and your child. Get reacquainted with your ex if you’d like, but start over and don’t rush into anything. I have this vision –only based on what you wrote and the tone and urgency of your words — of you dashing into your ex’s arms (which is nice), running to the wedding chapel (maybe nice, if a little fast), bringing along 2 kids for the ride (mmm, okay, more complicated) and [fill in the blanks] by the time you’re 24,25?… Take it slower. If it’s right, which it sounds like it may very well be, it will be there.

By: mar

mar — Wed, 12 Dec 2007 15:46:20 +0000

Jeff, I’m in full agreement. You can’t tell her what to do, but what you do tell her is just right.

In the end, we all face difficult choices in our lives, and on many occassions there is not a right choice, there are just different choices, which one is more suitable is something that one has to decide for herself…

But with every choice, every decision, there are consequences. One has to think of these in advance, and choose, knowing what that choice will entail. And then just be responsible, and stick to that.

In this case, somebody’s heart is going to get broken… whose heart, we still don’t know, that depends on what Cassandra will do.

But one cannot avoid making difficult choices. That’s just not how life normally is.

I would advise to Cassandra to just look at her heart and at her life, and decide, for herself, what she wants and what is good for her. Nobody else can do that for her.