Comments on: A Constantly Criticizing Man…

By: wendyr

wendyr — Fri, 13 Jan 2012 05:42:37 +0000

NO MORE CRITICISM!!
Today, I stood my ground. No tears. No cursing. No more explaining how ‘that hurt my feelings’ again. Yes, I probably could have toned down the level of my voice, but today I said, “NO MORE! I will not take your criticism of me any longer! I am sick and tired of you criticizing me for everything I say and everything I do! I want you to be supportive of me and not find fault in me for whatever I do. I am not you! I don’t think like you; I think like me! I will never be you, and you will never be me! I don’t appreciate your constant barrage of negative opinions of me especially when you are the one that starts the arguments that cause me to lose my temper! I have asked you on several occasions to stop belittling me yet you continue, and I am tired of it! Stop telling me that I shouldn’t have said this or shouldn’t have felt that just because that’s not how you would react! The negative attack that I received from whomever wasn’t towards you, so don’t tell me how I should feel and how I should respond! You lay there and say how you agreed with my opinions and how you are on my side but then you have the nerve to follow it up with an insult about my reaction? How dare you?! Stop interrupting me by telling me I’m right with a very condescending tone in your voice insinuating that I shut up! Stop looking at me with your sarcastically raised eyebrows as if you’re trying to figure out why I’m so upset with you right now when the reason why I’ve gotten to this point is because you put me here! Now I’m leaving, again! No, better yet why don’t you leave!”

After apologizing for offering an unsolicited opinion and acknowledging the fact that I am an entitled to my own opinion and for making me angry again he agreed to go sleep in the basement for the night because I told him I wasn’t comfortable staying in the same bed with him because of how angry he makes me feel.
I’ve taken it for more than 18 years now, and once again I’m putting my foot down, only this time I mean it! I used to cry after the yelling didn’t work, but that gave him more power over me. Today I realized how strong of a woman I am, and how I have overcome many obstacles in my life. I should have never allowed myself to be put down in any fashion, and if this time he decides he’s going to leave for good then so be it! I don’t deserve to be treated this way, and I won’t put up with it any longer!!

By: Beth

Beth — Sat, 17 Dec 2011 00:04:27 +0000

All of this sounds so familiar. My criticizer says it isn’t criticism, I’m just too sensitive. It is so sad and I am starting to feel hopeless. This is what my life is going to be like. I try to find reasons to not spend time with him. That way I can avoid the confrontations. I love my husband but I don’t know how much more I can take. I can relate to others saying they are so tired. I’m not ready to give up yet. I would like to hear more strategies that work with people like this. The best thing I’ve found so far is trying to cut the discussion short. Not easy when he wants to go on endlessly. In the past, he has spent 2-3 days berating me. Any help is appreciated.

By: susi

susi — Sun, 04 Dec 2011 11:53:59 +0000

Girls, I am suffering this right now and the pain is unbearable. These criticizers pick on people who are shy, timid and have low self confidence, because they know they can dominate them. Its about control, feeling they are in power and you are worthless. I used to be confident, now I feel ugly, fat and low. He tells me I’m too senstitive to his comments and I should laugh them off. Every time I try and tell him how it hurts me he turns it round on to me and somehow makes me feel like I’m in the wrong. The problem at the root of all this is that I llove him more than anything, and yet if someone asked me why, I wouldn’t be able to tell them. I’ve tried hypnosis, counselling etc and I still can’t see myself with anyone else. I can’t get over him; I just want him to love me like I love him. He’s selfish, unaffectionate and inconsiderate, cruel and unreasonable. He tells me what to do all the time like I’m a 5yr old. I’m a successful business woman and manage a team of 7! Its crazy how he makes me feel with his controlling personality. I wouldn’t put up with this at work, so why at home? Listening to kelly clarkson “mr know it all”-its really accurate of what we’re all going through girls. I started a blog about what I’m going through: ineedrelationshipadvice.wordpress.com

By: Paula

Paula — Tue, 18 Oct 2011 11:24:26 +0000

Am also a victim of such an act. My man criticises me in everyyhing i do. From the way i dress, the way i speack, the way i walk, the way i even laugh. am not even able to speak freely without thinking what going to happen next. Its soo difficult and dont know what to do now because am always sad and hurting.

By: Wanting to know why

Wanting to know why — Mon, 17 Oct 2011 20:35:41 +0000

I want to know why he doesn’t accept me like I accept him. My spirit is slowly going. I had some time apart from him and it was great… no criticisms, but not even 24 hours after he came back he was criticizing me again and again

By: wanting to be happy and in love

wanting to be happy and in love — Wed, 28 Sep 2011 15:18:33 +0000

I’m so glad I have found this. Here is my story.

My husband and I have been together for 6yrs, married 3. We have 1 son who is now 4.
My husband always tells me that what I’m doing is never right. He always is right in his eyes for everything. When he is in a bad mood, the whole world knows it. Whenever we travel together, he is mean to me. When my brother got married and had a destination wedding in the Virgin Islands, we went together and left our son with the in-laws to relax and have fun together. Instead, it became a bitch fest and everything I did and said was wrong. The day of the wedding, he ignored my whole family and acted like a complete dick head to everyone and made rude comments. I secretly broke down in the restroom. Every vacation is a disaster since we argue non-stop because he ridicules me all the time and I fight back.
I am a beautiful woman. I stay-at-home with our son because he was injured in daycare and I will not let anyone keep him since daycare experiences have been bad. I want to be in business for myself. I have a plan to do so next yr when my son goes to school. I also would like to have another baby to give my son a sibling but I feel that my marriage is done with. He really wants to have another baby, of course so he can keep me around longer. Counseling we have done and he will not listen. All the pain led me to an affair but that is over and he doesn’t know it happened. I am overweight and I told him the doctor told me to lose weight and he did not like that at all. He would rather keep me fat. Our son never sleeps and I’m tired a lot. My son always wants his mommy to sleep with. When we do have sex, it is good. But the critisism tears my heart. I know I am a great woman. I know I am beautiful and I know I am an excellent mom. Part of why I stay is because he supports us and I came from a broken family as did he. My dad had an affair with his mistress and married her. His mom left his father after being put down and 3kids later. When I cook, he bitches about that’s not what he wanted. When I don’t cook he complains that I don’t feed him. When I do cook and he does eat, he complains something is missing. He nitpicks to argue. He lies about jerking off to adult movies even when I catch him and it does bother me. He raises his voice at me in hopes I shut up. I told him yesterday I’m gonna go to the gym when he gets home in the evenings to work out. He said thatim going to go to try and find a new guy. I think to myself, okay that sounds good! My credit sucks and money is very tight. I care for kids in our home right now to help. This morning I asked if he was working and looked at him and he just put me down sayin that he told me last night he had to work today and don’t I remember. So I told him that I am tired bc I was up last night with our son and he said no I wasn’t and I was snoring all night. So then I told him that tonight when our son awakens that I’m waking him up too each and every time. I used to cosleep with my son and have learned its a huge mistake bc he can’t sleep or nap without me. One night over a yr ago he got angry at our son and was forcefully takn him from me bc he couldn’t sleep! Too bad fucker! I used to sleep one or two hrs each night and drive 2-3hrs in traffic to work and back and he can’t handle it! Another reason I don’t want to have a child again or hesitant about it but I would love to give my son a sibling someday so he isn’t an only child. Please, give me your advice.

By: Sali

Sali — Mon, 26 Sep 2011 16:28:17 +0000

I am being criticized right now and his point is on me improving. I sent this link to him and he read a few lines and think it is silly. I am once again wrong. Today was my over zealous congratulations to some one else and that I should have responded differently. Next was that I gave the wrong answer to a question as I am learning a foreign language and should have answered correctly as I can do better. I told him that my zealous nature, is me, and I was impressed by what the lady was telling us about herself………… I thought when in love after dating for five years and now married that he knew about my excited nature….Oh well, I will have to just keep my mouth shut until I can find a solution or new way of communicating.
I am tired.
S

By: inforn

inforn — Wed, 22 Dec 2010 04:40:00 +0000

I feel terrible for you Carole. I have been in a similar situation for 25 years. I don’t want to end up waiting to be alone.

By: Carole

Carole — Tue, 05 Oct 2010 02:49:44 +0000

For those of you contemplating getting out-do it now . I have spent 35 years with a constant criticizier. I was 16 and he was 33 when we got together. I was too young and dumb to realize what it meant when he said he wanted a young gal who he could ‘train his way”. He has taken the mop out of my hand and told me ” let me show you how to do that correctly”..he has told me I don’t know how to butter vegetables “correctly”, he says he does the dishes better then I do, he got irate when I turned the porch light on when I let our little dog out at night to go potty-told me I was an idiot ,did I think teh dog needed the light on to pee !-he told me ” one of these days I’m gonna forget your mental deficiencies and just pop you !”, he has told me when there is thinking to be done just let him do the thinking ! He tells me what size Tupperware to use to put leftovers in, if I use a size he thinks is a little too big for the contents he switches it to a smaller size ! He comes behind me when I am cooking and turns the flame down on the burner on what I am cooking..I could go on but you get the idea ! He has told me I could never make it on my own and if he had not been there to be my man God knows what would have happened to me ! After so many years of hearing this-I began to believe it, and I have stayed with him. He is sickly now (he is 69) and I am 51 and I wonder when the time comes and he dies if I will EVER be able to heal and have a “normal” life. I really would never want another man, i will never have someone else tell me what to do again !

By: Lindz

Lindz — Tue, 25 May 2010 19:12:46 +0000

Thank you Mr. SoulSearching for your bravery and honesty!!!! I really appreciated what you said as I am in a relationship now with a highly critical man who outwardly shows so much matcho confidence yet I can tell his confidence within himself must not be that high if he is finding so many faults in others where he could easily be enjoying their insight, fun and intellegence. I have been dealing with this for 7 1/2 years now and I refuse to let his negative behavours spill over and contaminate my own self confidence & self worth. Being critisized a lot is by no means easy to listen to every time we are together so I am searching to figure out how to communicate with him about the serious distruction this behaviour has in our relationship and how it negatively affects his own life. Hoping that one day the light bulb will turn on and he can see his behaviour for what it is worth and make changes for the better….until then, I will keep plugg’en along being positive because HE IS SO WORTH IT, SO VALUABLE TO ME despite his hugely repulsive flaw.

Thank you Jeff for this article and everyone for their comments, good stuff!