Comments on: Surfer Girl’s Got it All…Except His Interest

By: Jeff Mac

Jeff Mac — Thu, 24 Jan 2008 18:32:59 +0000

Wow. Sounding like we’ve got a real consensus on this guy. Not interested. (Luckily, for what it’s worth, he sounds pretty much like he’s behaving like a douche.)

By: TheFlamingVirgin

TheFlamingVirgin — Thu, 24 Jan 2008 10:52:21 +0000

I think this is a simple case of “he’s just not that into you.” I say that because I was in a *kinda* similar situation less than 2 months ago:

I liked this dude that I met on my job on campus, and he actually did and said things to get my attention before my crush on him fully developed. We eventually reached a point of chemistry and flirting that was undetectable (sp?) by anyone but us*fingers crossed*, and it was nice. Yet, neither of us did anything about it. Ever. Now I’m studying abroad and he’s… carrying on with life? Haha!

Maybe it was because rules prevented us from dating, or because each of us had too much at stake – either way, we didn’t see the other as being “worth it.” We weren’t willing to compromise what each of us had *our jobs* in order to go after each other.

If your dude-friend does have a girlfriend, then that alone could be the factor in determining how “worth it” it is in initiating something with you *keep who he has, or give it a try with the “new girl…”* Maybe Jeff could shed light on this, but depending on how serious he is with the girl, he chose the former. Then again, he’s been hanging with you for some time now, so who knows how serious he and the girl really are…?

Either way, it’s not worth it for you to spend time and energy on some guy who isn’t putting in the same workload for you. *Empathetic tear for our not-dudes* If he ever comes around, see what happens, but maybe you could wait for HIM to initiate so the ball is in your court…

By: hunter

hunter — Thu, 24 Jan 2008 03:03:43 +0000

…aaahhh…I sense this young man, maybe, just maybe, lacks experience with women….aaahhh, hhmmmh,..he is attracted to her, yet,….there is a good chance he doesn’t, oh, maybe,…doesn’t really know what to do next….the fact that he is in a relationship, doesn’t..reallly,…. mean much, as far as,……. knowing what to do and say, when, one is attracted to someone else……..

By: mar

mar — Wed, 23 Jan 2008 12:02:41 +0000

Yes, I think this might be a case of him being very attracted physically to her, and nothing else.

I’ve been in a similar situation and I think it’s a very difficult one: for it feels a lot like a “semi-rejection” (although it is a “full rejection”). It feels like a “semi-rejection” because one is aware that the other is attracted to a certain extent, and even if this attraction is only sexual and nothing else, this is not negligible, or not easy to neglect.

The danger then, from the side of Marlene’s, is to “hold on to that,” which prolongs a situation of uncertainty and frustration.

So, I agree with everyone else’s comments: stop thinking about him, stop paying him attention, stop hoping/waiting. Just move on.

By: Grace

Grace — Wed, 23 Jan 2008 00:48:26 +0000

I love your site Jeff!

Great manslation on this one too.

By: Selena

Selena — Tue, 22 Jan 2008 21:32:43 +0000

This sounds to me like a textbook case of …yep..”He’s just not that into you”. You’re cute and smart and a nice surfing companion alright, but that’s as far as it goes. Be thankful that you’re seeing this now, rather than after dating him (sleeping with him, sigh) and finding yourself being strung along by little crumbs he throws you.

Stop trying to analyze (make EXCUSES for) him and hoping that he’ll come around and be your boyfriend. He knows how you feel, and obviously doesn’t feel the same. If I were you, I’d stop surfing/hanging around with him. If you don’t, I suspect you will become more attached and even more frustrated than you are already.

By: Writesome

Writesome — Tue, 22 Jan 2008 18:49:26 +0000

Be friendly and maybe someday he’ll catch up with you, but don’t wait Marlee. Instead of letting him put you on his back-burner, put him on yours and live a happy life. One thing I’ve learned just recently is that it’s not what a man wants from you, it’s what he wants for you that tells you how deep his interest is. Smart, good girls need someone smart enough to understand that, otherwise we just remain frustrated and confused.

By: LA Lady

LA Lady — Tue, 22 Jan 2008 14:26:49 +0000

I think this might be a case of a guy liking to have a “reserve girl-friend” just in case the first relationship doesn’t work out. I also think he likes to have you on the “hook”, and he knows you are interested in him, so he gives you just enough attention to keep you guessing. In my experience this flirtatous on again off again rollercoaster can go on for a long, long time.

My advice is to stop looking for a relationship with this guy and just surf together when it suits you. Waiting for anything more will just frustrate you!