How Can She Show Her Appreciation for Him?
Well, it’s Friday, and today we’ve got a reader named Kelly with a problem that I think everyone wants to have — she’s dating someone who is so wonderful that she’s looking for new ways to appreciate him! Well, since I am also almost frighteningly wonderful, you’ve come to the right place.
So, how DO you show a guy that you really appreciate and care about him — and in a way that means something to HIM?
Kelly writes:
Dear Jeff,
I have a question. What are the possible ways to show appreciation for my guy’s wonderful gestures besides saying thank you, hugging him or kissing him?
I would like to explore more ways of showing appreciation. I do not want him to think that my current ways of showing my appreciation are done out of habit, and not being genuine.
Thanks!! Happy New Year!!
Lots of cheers,
Kelly
Dear Kelly,
First of all, congratulations! Sounds like you’ve found a situation that’s so fun and awesome that you are wracking your brains trying to make sure he knows! Such a great question. Of course, every guy is different in the sense that I couldn’t give you a list of specifics that would work for everybody. But let’s see what we can come up with.
ARE YOU LISTENING?
I think it was the writer, Brenda Ueland, who wondered something about whether truly listening to someone and wanting to know MORE is the only way to love someone. I tend to agree. There’s all kinds of STUFF someone can do for someone, but what I think it all boils down to is, are you paying attention to HIM, and are you reflecting back what you see (and love)?
It seems to me that the nicest thing that you can do for anyone is to show them — through action — that you really GET them. Even more than just showing him how you feel, I’m talking about showing him that a.) you see exactly who he is, b.) you LOVE who he is, and c.) you want to reflect that back to him so he can see himself through your eyes.
NOT OUT OF HABIT
I wouldn’t worry too much about that. If you’re really paying attention to him, really trying to show him that you GET him, it won’t be out habit. It will have to be genuine. You can fake appreciation with gifts, that’s true. It could just be like a habit. But if you’re really just trying to show him that you see him for what he is, and that’s who you love? You can’t fake that. It will have to be specific.
What’s he like? Does he like to tell you stories about stuff? Well, get really, really great at listening to his stories in the way that he likes to tell them. Does he like NOT to talk, but just to be around you? Offer him that space. The truth of the matter is, it doesn’t really matter what you do. This is the kind of thing where the thought really DOES count.
Good luck, Kelly! If you’re paying attention, you’ll KNOW what to do. And it sounds like you’re up for the challenge!
What can you tell her, ladies? How does Kelly show her appreciation for such an awesome guy?
Posted: January 25th, 2008 under Reader Requests.
Comments
Comment from mar
Time January 25, 2008 at 8:51 am
Jeff, that’s excellent advice. Everyone wants to be loved for how they are, and to love them for how they are, the key thing is to really know them. And to really know someone is not that simple, and it requires continuous observation, care and communication. So that’s the extra-step: not just being happy because your partner is good to you, but to make sure that you really know him.
Good luck Kelly!
Comment from Beta Mom
Time January 25, 2008 at 8:57 am
Lucky, lucky girl!
One of the things I know Beta Dad really appreciates is when I get out of my comfort zone and do things that he’s into that I couldn’t care less about. (Keep it clean, folks) Watching football with him, for example. Listening to Bjork (although that has brought us to the brink of divorce). Spending hours at the Apple store looking at wires and such that all look the same to me. Selfless gestures of time in our house are priceless.
Letting him cop a cheap feel from time to time doesn’t hurt either.
Comment from The Happy One
Time January 25, 2008 at 7:11 pm
The book titled something like”The Five Love Languages” explains the 5 major ways people express love. Touch,gifts,words,gifts of service or time together.
My husbasnd is big on words while i was big on gifts of service. So when he said mushy things or gave me cards it didn’t mean much to me. Last year i asked him to take care of changing/rotating tires on my car as my valentines’ day gift and he did because that meant more to me than a card or candy or flowers.
And when i do a service for him i make sure to tell him what i am doing for him, and that i am doing it because i love him.
Comment from mmagnolia
Time January 27, 2008 at 1:05 am
Dear Kelly, How about expressing that: (1) you have his ‘back’ [figuratively ! literally]; (2) he’s priority 4U as UR4 him [presuming no minor offspring on either side]; (3) his wonderfulness exists in real examples; (4) his potential 4wonder is real and if he hesitates, remind him anything’s possible because you’re near—-even if he’s quadriplegic, he must have a heart’s delight which hints of potential you can suggest. Godspeed & Frolic!
Comment from Cuda
Time January 30, 2008 at 8:55 pm
Great question! Im in the same boat!
I could never figure out how to say thanks to a guy in a personal and unique way.
The guy Im seeing now is big into rock concerts and big cd collection (and like almost every guy, big music system.) So for Valentines day, Im getting my guy a DVD of a classic rock concert of one of his favorit bands. No mushy-mushy stuff animal or candy.
Comment from Selena
Time January 25, 2008 at 7:01 am
This is a problem? Sheesh. I don’t know why he would think your current ways of showing him your appreciation aren’t genuine.
I suppose you could try surprising him from time to time–getting him a card stating how much you appreciate him; leaving little love notes in his place, his car for him to find. Maybe buying him tickets to an event you know he’d like to go to. Making a dinner of his favorite things, followed by an evening of unbridled passion?
Really, unless you’re a cool customer by nature, how is this an issue? I’d say the best way of showing him how appreciative you are is to not become blase’ about the nice things he does and start taking them (and him) for granted.