A Request for Dating Dos and Don’ts
Welcome to another week at Manslations. I’d like to start off by saying thank you all so much for all the awesome comments. I’m currently buried under edits on Manslations: The Book, and so I haven’t been able to be as active in the comments sections as I’d like to. But I just want to say that I really appreciate what you’ve all had to say in the past few weeks. I hope to dig myself out within a week or two, and I’ll be commenting with a vengeance!
Onto today’s manslation, a reader calling herself “chickaboom” hasn’t been on too many “formal” dates, and wants to know what’s what out there. Manslatees, what can we tell her?
Hi there Jeff Mac,
I have to start off, like so many others, by saying how much I love this blog!! You are man translation ninja and I salute you. My question is this, I’ve just started the whole internet dating thing and I realized that I have never before in my life gone on such formal dates. All the guys I’ve been with before now were good friends before being upgraded to boyfriends or dating buddies. So now I find myself nearly 30 and completely unaware of the basic dating norms. I don’t want to come across as a dating retard, so what do I need to know? I know you’ll probably say to go with what feels right, but there definitely seem to be things you should and should not do on dates…please help!!
Thanks so much!!
Dear chickaboom,
Number one, for calling me a “ninja” of any kind, you have made my day. Of course, I realize that I’ll likely never throw a ninja star, or sneak into a samurai’s house with a blowgun or anything, but a boy can dream. It’s a shame, though. I’m told that black is very slimming. Ah well, water under the bridge.
So, Dating Dos and Don’ts, eh? Funny you should ask. Not, like, Will-Ferrell-pretending-to-have-crippling-gas funny. But funny, nonetheless, because there’s a section just like this in the book — you know, that one I’m editing this very week (gulp.) But since I’m not done with that stuff, I’d like to address what you suggest about how I’ll “probably say to just go with what feels right”:
DO NOT GO WITH WHAT FEELS RIGHT
First dates are scary, tense, nerve-wracking, and if I ever went with what felt right, I’d have never spoken to a woman in my life. What feels “right” to me is to bail out. It also feels very “right” to me to eat lots and lots of cake, and to watch television all the time. (Don’t worry, I’m not going to say anything bad about cake, ok? It’s as close to a religion as I get.)
In fact, a few years ago when I was studying Tai Chi (it’s like being a ninja, just really, really slow), after a particularly frustrating lesson it occurred to me that all of my impulses were pretty much exactly the opposite of the right way to perform these movements. So I started doing exactly the opposite of whatever I thought made sense — I became the George Costanza of Tai Chi. Didn’t always work, but I was surprised at how often it actually did.
So you’re a little concerned about what to do, how not to look like a “dating retard” (when, actually, the correct term is “relationshippaly challenged”, ok? That’s called sensitivity, chickaboom.) I’d say instead of trying not to look like you’re a moron, try not to mind when you DO look like a moron. Cuz…you’re gonna — we all do. It’s going to be much easier if you focus on not sweating that part, plus if you end up looking like a dating genius, you’ll be pleasantly surprised. And it’s far more attractive to see someone acting like a doofus and knowing it, than someone who’s trying desperately to get it right.
Remember, you’re not looking to fool anybody. You’re looking to find someone you don’t need to fool.
BASIC DATING NORMS…?
There’s nothing “norm” about dating. Unless you’re out with George Wendt, and even then there’s just a moronic play on words. Plus, who knows if he’s even available? No one. That’s who knows that. Forget all about this. I swear to you, if your idea of proper date behavior was dressing up like a Klingon and dancing a jig, there would be somebody out there who would actually drop to his knees and thank the ghost of Gene Roddenberry for your existence.
SO, DATING DOS AND DON’TS?
I’ve written a few posts on this subject, and you can check them out here. I really wish there was something major and definitive I could say to help here. Not to help you, necessarily. I just think it would help me become rich. But unfortunately for both of us, there isn’t much in the way of dating rules, norms, or guidelines. Everybody just makes it up. And if I try to picture someone who is “good at it” I end up thinking of someone kind of sleazy. This is the most important “don’t” I can think of:
Don’t put too much pressure on the situation. Look, what are the odds that any given date is going to be “the one”? About zilch. The vast majority of the time, it isn’t going to work. Ronnie over at “Never Too Late For Love” refers to dating as short for “data gathering.” That’s all a date is. Trying to figure out if there’s anything there. I have never, NEVER heard of a situation where two people were perfect together, but one of them screwed it all up. Look, you’re going to put some pressure on there. It’s a date — it’s supposed to be terrifying. But there’s so little riding on your “performance” here. Either you guys hit it off or you don’t. Not much you can do to make that happen (or not happen.) All you can do is find out if it does happen.
Good luck, chickaboom. There’s a really funny saying I heard one time that a coach told one of his basketball players. “Don’t be so modest — you’re not that good.” And I would say to you, “Don’t worry that you’ll look foolish — you’re not that smart.” Isn’t dating all about looking like a moron, and finding the person who thinks you’re adorable IN SPITE of that?
Ladies in the dating trenches, what can you tell our friend, chickaboom? What should she do? Not do? NEVER do?
Posted: March 10th, 2008 under Dating Preparation, Reader Requests.
Comments
Comment from Susan
Time March 10, 2008 at 8:37 am
Don’t get too hung up on “rules” or you’ll become a basket case just trying to stay in line while you should actually be conversing and gathering that data. I would just ask questions and then listen, answer questions (hopefully he’ll ask some), use your eating utensils properly, meet in a public place, try to have fun and be yourself. As Jeff has said, if he doesn’t like you for YOU, then heck with him.
Also, if you have an ex, don’t spend the date talking about him, or how much you hate that you are on the dating scene. It’s ok to joke about it a little, especially internet dating if that’s how you met, but don’t dwell on the bad stuff. That’s a date killer right there. I’ve been out with guys who’ve done those things and the love doesn’t exactly flow, know what i mean?
Oh, and low expectations as to the “outcome” (however you define it) help, too. You may be pleasantly surprised. Good luck!
Comment from Susan
Time March 10, 2008 at 8:40 am
I also second Sassy’s “be respectful” comment above. Dating means putting yourself out there and that can be scary. I believe in being kind and respectful, as long as your date is trying to do the same. If not, hold your head high and move on to the next one.
Comment from mar
Time March 10, 2008 at 10:04 am
Hi everyone
I haven’t been on a lot of formal dates, but here’s what I think…
1) Be yourself, don’t pretend to be something you are not.
2) Above all, try to have a good time with the other person.
3) First date is data-gathering, think of the kind of things you want to learn about the other person. But it shouldn’t become an interview. Try to find things that you both have a common interest to talk about.
4) No relating experiences of bad relationships.
5) Be kind and respectful from beginning to end. Don’t forget to say thank you at the end – even if there wasn’t chemistry.
6) At the end, if you feel like it, check whether the other person wants to meet again. This is not to be pushy, in fact don’t be pushy, but drop a hint: “I’d had a lot of fun thank you, I hope we go out again.” This is saying that you would like to repeat, but it’s not demanding an answer to that. It’s a hint.
7) Most likely, there won’t be a kiss on a first date. 
If you are meeting for the first time somebody you met online, arrange/plan your own way home. Don’t depend on the other person.
9) Try to look good, but don’t overdo it. Above all, make sure you feel good, inside, with yourself.
10) Rules about who should pay are unclear.
11) This may sound silly, but dating experts say men are put off by pearls. They remind them of their mothers. And by too much make-up.
Regards,
Mar
Comment from KL
Time March 10, 2008 at 10:45 am
This blog (Graceless In Love) posted on this same topic. Funny but true rules. http://gracelessinlove.wordpress.com/2008/03/09/rabbi-says/
The only other thing I would say is to dress comfortably and somewhat conservatively. You don’t want to be tugging up your too-low top or tugging down your too-short skirt, or worrying about your clothing in any way. If your clothes are uncomfortable, you look uncomfortable…with your date.
Comment from AnneZ
Time March 10, 2008 at 12:47 pm
Hmmm. As I understood her dilemma, she doesn’t know to act with a fella when romance is the presumed ground zero rather than palling around being the presumed ground zero.
In other words, I think she knows how to be a pal, she’s not sure how to act like a lady.
Chickaboom, first, I highly endorse what Jeff said: first dates terrify the low and the high alike. There’s no magic incantation someone forgot to teach you. Everyone makes it up as they go along.
Having said that, you can improve your girl power. That is by remembering at all times that this fellow is here to make you his GIRLfriend, not his pal. You aren’t lab partners or co-workers.
So set the tone from the beginning. All those old fashioned manners (NOT the “Rules” thing) were designed to increase both your sensitivities to your girlness and to his testosteronity.
Therefore, general guidelines for a First Date Only ( relationships develop more complexly after that):
1. Do let him pay. Do this graciously, as if it never crosses your mind that it should be otherwise (of course, come prepared to take care of yourself in case of disaster.)
2. Do let him make most of the arrangements, offering up your preferences when he gives suggestions. He’s thinking of what he can afford and where he will be comfortable, etc. This is fine because it tells you a lot about him. You may hate all his choices, in which case you aren’t right for each other. Great–Next!
2. Do thank him graciously. He’s nervous, probably more than you. Stroke him a little and make him feel appreciated for putting himself out there.
3. When together, do not walk like you are hiking to school. Walk leisurely and match your pace to his, staying side by side. If HE acts like he’s late for a meeting, it’s okay to gently and playfully remind him that you’re there for pleasure, not business, and neither do you have his long stride. He will be glad to be by your side, but some fellas haven’t learned how to keep track of a woman in a crowd and so forth. Teach him. Do NOT act like a pal. Act like a lady.
4. Some men get very tongue tied around a lady fair. Come prepared with a few predetermined conversation topics and comments for rough, awkward patches. Many times you won’t need it, but some guys really need your help being around you. Don’t write them off, they could be golden, just not glib. Help them out.
These are the kinds of general behaviors you might expect to be the “norm” for dating as opposed to palling around. Don’t worry if you don’t get the hang of it right away–there’s approximately 3 billion men in the world to keep practicing on! You can make your own modifications as you go.
And, as Jeff says, someone may just find you completely adorable no matter what you do. Jackpot!
Comment from anonymouse
Time March 10, 2008 at 1:45 pm
I would add:
Don’t let them sprout off about all their exes and past online dating flubs…it can break the ice, but your entire date shouldn’t be immersed in these chilly waters. On the other hand, you will learn a lot about them if that’s all they have to say. Past issues equals MOVE ON.
Have a call buddy. Plan for someone to call you, just to be safe and always know how you are getting home.
Don’t put everything you’ve got on the table. Hold back so there’s more to learn on the second date.
Flirt if you like him. Be kind, honest and firm if you don’t.
Have no expectations. That’s a hard one, I know, but it really takes the pressure off.
Enjoy yourself, smile alot…not evil-like smiles, but sincere, I’m-having-fun smiles.
Wait for him to contact you after the date or decide during the date when you will meet again if it’s a match. If he doesn’t call, make plans with someone else.
Online dating can be fun. Always be sure you’ve seen your potential before agreeing to meet…disaster awaits, trust me on that one, if you’ve only heard their voice.
And, don’t let them know where you live. Although I have without any problem…so far. Trust your instincts and don’t be afraid to offend someone if you feel uneasy.
There are so many potential dates out there, don’t try harder than you need to. Have fun. You can’t make a mistake if it’s the right one and there will be, statistically speaking, plenty of wrong ones before the right one comes along. It’s a numbers game.
Good luck.
Comment from Selena
Time March 10, 2008 at 5:31 pm
Well Chickaboom,
How did you get to know the guys you dated in the past? Were you friendly? Open? Quick to smile? To laugh? Did you tell them things about yourself, and things you experienced? Did you listen when they did the same? By that kind of natural give and take didn’t you find you had things in common and went from there?
Yes? Well dating hasn’t changed.It’s still all about being friendly and interested in getting to know another person.
I know what you mean about the *formality* aspect. To try to minimize this before a first date you can talk on the phone about the kind of food you both like, the kind of things you like to do, places you enjoy and suggest dates around that kind of common ground. If either of you have a hangout, pub type place where you know others you can suggest going there, so you have other people to engage with, not just each other. (Avoids awkward pauses in conversation)
I have to disagree with Anne Z. on the girlfriend vs. pal stuff. What a hell of alot of presssure! Not to mention formality, which is what is so bothersome to begin with! I’d do the opposite–do what you would do when meeting a pal. If romance potential is there, it WILL devolop.
As far as paying…If he is the one doing the asking, go with the assumption he is paying. You can offer to pay the tip or after dinner drinks if you like. If YOU are doing the asking, be prepared to pay for both of you–that is what’s fair. If you start out going halvies on every date, expect that never to change. If you’re fine with that cool. If you’re less fine with it, rent the movie “The Joy Luck Club” and you will see the downside of going halvsies right off the bat on dates.
And as has already been mentioned, AVOID talking extensively about ex’s! Not yours, Not His. Plenty of time for that later on if the two of you make a connection.
In short, treat a date just the way you would when meeting someone you think you’d like to have as a friend. Easily.
Comment from mar
Time March 10, 2008 at 6:34 pm
I think most of Selena’s advice is very good, but I’d like to disagree with going out somewhere where you know other people you can talk to. I understand the point Selena makes of having others to talk to if there are awkward moments, but when you go to a place where there are other people you know, you put yourself in a situation you can’t control (you can’t control what your friends and pals say, you have less room to direct the conversation), and I think the point of dating someone is to interact with each other and get an idea of who the other is. You don’t want to be interrupted by people who perhaps haven’t seen you for ages and want to catch up with you. And that sort of thing happens. Also, it will make the other person vulnerable, and probably uncomfortable, as you would be taking him into your “territory”, which is unknown to him. I also think is not very considerate to the other person. He is dating you, not you and your friends. I don’t think it’s a good idea for a first date.
I said above that there rules about who should pay are unclear, because I think this is true. But I agree with Selena that what seems fair is that the one who asks the other out should be prepared to pay.
I agree very much with choosing clothes in which you are comfortable. You don’t want to be uncomfortable and worrying about the most trivial things.
Going out with a stranger, on a first date, is awkward for everybody. I think the most important thing, as a golden rule, is for you to try to feel good and relaxed, and to try to have fun and make it easy for the other person.
Good luck!
Comment from mar
Time March 10, 2008 at 6:47 pm
I also think there is good reason to keep a first date short. It’s a first contact, and you can’t expect an awful lot from two strangers meeting for the first time. Meeting for a coffee, or for a drink, or for a walk, for about one, one hour and a half, is what I would recommend for a first date. If things progress and you enjoy his company, you can plan longer things, such as going out for dinner, or to see a movie together.
Comment from mar
Time March 10, 2008 at 6:56 pm
KL,
That link has some good advice, thanks!
Mar
Comment from writesome
Time March 10, 2008 at 8:39 pm
I posted a rule for dating on my blog, before I actually starting dating. It went something like:
Don’t go on a date after you’ve had your children all day.
You’ll already be too tired of saying,
“Stop. Don’t do that. I said, don’t touch that. You’re going to make a mess.”
Just have fun Chickaboom. Do what you want to do and you can’t go wrong. Life is too short to not share the fun with someone.
Comment from Selena
Time March 10, 2008 at 9:15 pm
KL–That blog was hilarious. Thanks for sharing.
One thing though, I think seeing a movie actually can be a positive early date activity because it can give you something to talk about afterward–besides yourselves (and your ex’s). Even if the movie is bad, you can talk about how bad it was.
Mar–that’s the same reason I suggested going to a hang-out, pub type thing were you know other people. It might help break ‘the formality’ of having to talk exclusively about yourselves. I’ve had lots of early dates that involved the other person meeting my friends or me meeting his. Not only does this tend to loosen up discussions, it can also give you insight into how each of you react in social situations.
For a first date- particularly if you haven’t met in person before-meeting for coffee, lunch, a drink alone together is probably the best way to start out. But if you hit it off, things like going to friends’ cook-outs, jam sessions, meeting up to watch a game or a band, can be a great way to get to know each other without all the “what do we talk about now?” pressure.
Comment from Sarah
Time March 10, 2008 at 10:14 pm
I agree very much with choosing clothes in which you are comfortable. I am a sexy bbw model myself. YOu know it’s hard for me to choose a nice cloth.
But we BBW BHM are very proud of our size. I have known many plus sized people at the dating site ***http://LargeSingle.com***, where you can find many Sexy, Curvy, Classy Women, open minded plus couples, hot big guys, also nice fat admirers, even some celebs.
Comment from mmagnolia
Time March 10, 2008 at 10:20 pm
Exellent cheerleading advice, Ms. AnneZ! But Pity–Pearls illuminate one’s aura! But Sooooo if “experts” say park-the-pearls, may have2park self at home & fondle my little orbs in lieu while holding out for the fella with oysters!
Comment from shayna
Time March 10, 2008 at 10:38 pm
hey there chickaboom,
i’m 27, and also relatively new to the online dating game having recently come out of a three year relationship… Ive spent the last 6 months internet dating though, and I can totally relate to your question– i seriously think the worst part about first dates is when everyone in the restaurant sitting around you can overhear your conversation and just knows that youre on a first date…i feel like ive tried so many different kinds of dates/ strategies/ approaches to first dates, and have kindof come up with my own first date (first time im meeting the guy) game plan… I pick the place– its always a coffee shop in a pretty area with ample parking (less to stress about and that way I can wear uncomfortable but cute shoes). I get there about a half an hour before we’re supposed to meet and I buy myself a coffee (that way there’s no awkward who’s going to pay moment) and I come armed with a book– which will lead to immediate conversation bc the guy inevitably asks about it (and if he doesnt, dump him immediately)… also, this way, you dont have to worry about spotting him– he will spot you sitting there, and when he gets there you just have to tell him to go grab a drink and join you. Okay, now here is the best part– the brilliant thing about hot coffee or tea is that it is socially acceptable to drink it at any pace. If the date sucks I slurp it down quickly– if its going really well, i take tiny sips… the date ends when the cofee does in most cases, but if its going really well, and you seem to be hitting it off, you can suggest a walk around whatever area you picked– the boardwalk, the park , the shops…my feeling about internet dating is that the first date should really not have to have the pressure of romance, given that you have never seen each other in person before– its not like first dates when you know the guy and its your first actual time out together, because you really have no clue if there is chemistry until youve met– agreeing to meet someone that youve found online is not agreeing to date them, its agreeing to meet them…keep it low key– remeber that you are fabulous, and try your best not to get discouraged– also, look hot– its never a bad thing to look and feel hotter than your date, because it helps to feel like youve got power and control… also, i generally try to be dating more than one guy at once, so that i dont obsess or feel bad if things dont pan out…if you decide to juggle more than two at a time though, i highly recommend taking notes after a date so that you dont get confused later– best of luck out there!
Comment from AnneZ
Time March 11, 2008 at 9:59 am
Ah, Chickaboom, see? This thread just proves what Jeff told you to begin with: everyone just makes it up as they go. If there was a “right” way to date, we’d all have said the same thing. Instead, we disagreed and had different experiences and recommendations. Once you’ve done more of it, you will have your own version.
FWIW, my advice was based on general first dates, not internet dates. I do agree with all that internet dates are a whole ‘nuther creature. My comments were merely aimed at giving an idea of what kind of atmosphere creates a more “formal” date for people who presumably already know each other in some way. That’s what I thought she was asking. YMMV (and in fact, everyone’s mileage DID vary!) 
Comment from AnneZ
Time March 11, 2008 at 10:00 am
Hmm! That was supposed to be a cheerful smiley! Guess he got software converted into something a little less than cheery!
Well, here’s the cheer! 
Comment from mar
Time March 11, 2008 at 10:18 am
shayna,
Wow, that’s like the scientific approach to dating! Well done, I can see the merits of your system and I’ll try to remember!
Mar
Comment from mar
Time March 11, 2008 at 10:29 am
I mistake that I once made when I tried internet dating – which I have tried on a couple of occassions only to give up soon – is to wait too long to meet the men who were interested in me in person.
I did this because I felt too uncomfortable about meeting strangers and I felt that I wanted to have communication flowing (email, phone) for a while, before I met the other in person.
But I now think that was a mistake. For two reasons
1) I think it’s quite difficult to keep the interest alive for a while without meeting in person. And indeed, I never became sufficiently interested to meet those men, and didn’t ever get to meet them.
2) Because you can never tell an awful lot from a person without meeting him, and in the end, success will only come from numbers: the more people you are willing to date, the most likely is that you will succeed finding the one you want.
Best, Mar
Comment from Catherine
Time March 11, 2008 at 11:45 am
Maybe stop focusing on you and focus on the other person. Make sure he has a good time.
Comment from hunter
Time March 11, 2008 at 11:28 pm
There are no rules in dating, it is more of a “dating code.”
Comment from dadshouse
Time March 12, 2008 at 2:02 pm
I think she’s hit things on the head as to why internet dating doesn’t work. People go into a first internet date with huge expectations and too much information about a person they don’t even know. I’ve done a ton of internet dating over the years, and I’ve had way more success in relationships where I met women through friends (parties, barbecues, set-ups). Having a mutual friend builds trust and keeps things real. Meeting in real-life rather than online lets chemistry come into play.
Comment from Hey
Time March 16, 2008 at 5:30 pm
Interesting opinions…
I’ve done a bit of online dating, as well as all sorts of other forms. Here are my suggestions – from the perspective of a young professional man with several serious relationships under his belt.
1 – First date is a drink. Coffee or alcohol doesn’t matter, but it must, must, must be a drink. “A” drink is an undefined experience, so if things aren’t going well you can finish, say thanks, and be on your merry way. You’re not tied in to a multi-hour expedition with someone you discovered to be totally incompatible half way through the salad. However, if things are going well, you can spend as much time together as you’d like until other responsibilities unavoidably intrude. Movies should be avoided – you’re spending time together but not actually spending time together. Least efficient way to get to know someone ever. Even being chaperoned by someone’s grandmother gives you more information.
2 – Online dating is simply an introduction service – have no expectations and realize that success is a second date. Email/instant messaging/phone are horrendous ways to get to know someone as they convey very limited amounts of information. Nuances are flattened – which can be a blessing or a curse – and you do not grasp the real person with whom you are dealing. Meet for a drink as soon as practicable if your communications don’t send you running for the hills. You aren’t looking for a pen pal, you’re looking for a significant other and possibly a spouse. People have also been known to use old/fake/unrepresentatively attractive angles for their profile photos – you’ll be in a relationship with them, not their best photo/favorite catalog model, so meet quickly.
3 Offer to split the bill – An absolute must for internet dating (and all blind dates). You’ll both be going on a large number of first dates (another reason why first date is a drink) so lets not try to bankrupt the men. Many dating services effectively only charge men and even for the very wealthy it starts to get ridiculous. A social life isn’t cheap for a man (nor for a woman, though it gets spent more on hair/nails/clothes…), and I like the normal roles of who pays (stupid evolutionary conditioning), but online dating makes things ridiculous. You will go on large numbers of date with people where it becomes rapidly apparent that you have no future beyond the check – if you’re paying for your own drink(s) everyone can keep their sense of humor and look forward to the next opportunity. Otherwise it begins to be a way to buy drinks (or worse, dinners) for women you don’t like and who may have misrepresented themselves. If we wanted to do that, we’d call up an ex 
4 Do not go some place where you know the customers. If you know the staff, it should only because you’re a relatively frequent or long time customer and the staff should be obviously not a past or future romantic candidate. You are out to get to know your date – not to spend time with anyone else. If you want to be spending time with someone else while you are on a date, end the date because you just aren’t interested in your date. With online dating you will be going on a ridiculously large number of first dates. Use this as a way of exploring new places, rather than letting people who know you see everyone you possibly have an interest in. No one wants to be your 95th internet date, and they especially do not want to be reminded of the fact that you will probably be going out with 3-15 people a week! If you keep going to the same places, especially where you are friends with customers, this may be made apparent by others and cause disaster, and will of course only happen on otherwise exceptional dates.
5 You can never wear too little makeup. If things go well, this person will eventually see you without your makeup (or much anything else- eventually is a long time, for all of you wait till marriage types). When that time comes, they shouldn’t be shocked by the person that they see. Actually, this goes for all things that can help improve your appearance (shaping/slimming/enhancing undergarments, etc) – just as you shouldn’t lie in conversation, you shouldn’t lie through your appearance. The truth will out, so don’t appall Mr. Right when it does.
Comments on other suggestions. Rabbi Boteach is a very wise man, but the 2 date rule… if it was horrible, it will be horrible. If it was OK, try again, but disastrously incompatible personalities will always be disastrously incompatible. We have other disagreements, but he’s a rabbi, and I’m a young man who isn’t exactly an observant or attendant member of any sect – these disagreements are to be expected. If you regularly attend some sort of service, or want to meet the sort of man who does, listen to the rabbi. If not, call me
I think pearls are wonderful. I am however a yuppie/country club type (I’m a walking stereotype of someone who works in finance), so your mileage will vary. Any and all jewelry you wear will communicate a great deal about you – so make sure that it truly represents you. Your entire appearance will speak volumes, so make sure that it is true to who you are or that your date is aware if it’s unrepresentative for some reason (your house was just robbed, you’ve been dealing with a death in the family, you’re coming from work and your street clothes were somehow contaminated by a level 4 infectious disease so you are stuck in hospital clothes…). Actually, if you do have some disaster just before your date and things go well, you’re probably on the road to something serious. If things don’t go superlatively, you’ll probably want to try again given the disaster that preceded.
Comment from thedaygame
Time July 15, 2008 at 10:54 pm
Just what I like.
Down to earth. Natrual and easy going…
cheers
Comment from Dennis
Time July 12, 2011 at 5:08 pm
I got one: stay away from heavy topics such as race, religion, or politics while on a date. Also, don’t order barbeque or anything that’ll make your hands messy. You’ll look like a pig.
Comment from Sassy
Time March 10, 2008 at 8:31 am
I think Jeff got it right: be yourself and you’ll find the person who will love you for it.
You can use a couple of simple things to make all those dates go easier.
1) be respectful. This guy asked you out and that takes a lot of nerve. Be nice, be thoughtful. Don’t just dump him the moment you see him wearing a “Goofy” t-shirt. It’s just an hour. Be nice like your Momma taught you.
2) be ready. Think of a few things to talk about. The newest movie? What you did last summer? Be open to an adventure. Hey, roller skating can be fun.
3) be real. Well, this is part of Jeff’s answer. But I can add a little more (humbly) If he asks your opinion, he wants to hear it. If you don’t like a certain restaurant, speak up (but be respectful) He wants to meet and talk to the real you, not someone who is spouting what she thinks HE wants to hear.
Good luck!