Comments on: She Wants a Married Man…And She Wants MY Help!?

By: maps

maps — Thu, 28 Oct 2010 05:24:07 +0000

this was posted 2 years ago so the whole thing is distant past, but I identified with a LOT of this question. In my case I try to stop myself from wondering if he *would*, because I wouldn’t want him to… and I wouldn’t want to…. in the real world… fantasy’s a different story. There’s a big difference between thoughts and actions. sometimes I think of being with this married man i’m “crushing” on, and the thought of the ring is exciting. the symbol that he’s somebody elses, but I have him. I know it’s very wrong and disgusting, and it would make me angry to hear somebody else say it.. and I would never say it out loud to anybody… but the idea is thrilling. the real world is never like fantasy though, and in the real world seeing that ring would lead to guilt and sadness.

I understand where the one angry poster was coming from.. if you’ve been cheated on it’s very easy to place all the blame on “the other woman”. but to say that she is the “homewrecker” isn’t right. men aren’t just mindless little puppy dogs who follow whoever tugs on their “leash” lol… if they want to cheat, they will do it with whoever comes along. they have brains and are capable of making decisions and having self control too. to say that “the other woman” is the problem and the homewrecker is missing the point that the man was the one with a home to wreck in the first place. Yes, I would feel terrible for hurting a woman that I don’t know and have never met… but how much worse is it to hurt someone you know well, supposedly love, and commited to spending a lifetime with?

I ended up on this post because I was googling, trying to find advice on turning my interest and emotions for this married man back down to normal friendship level. I want to keep the harmless flirting and fantasy, but not think of him when he’s not around. And not have my gut twist when he mentions his wife.

so far all I’ve found is a lot of advice on why not to have an affair… which I don’t need. I know it’s a line I wont cross, and I think it’s probably one he wouldn’t either. I just want to stop having feelings for him, but maintain the friendship we have.

By: lida

lida — Tue, 22 Jun 2010 01:02:40 +0000

Hi my name is Lida i am look for man to marry

By: hunter

hunter — Sat, 22 Mar 2008 15:41:31 +0000

on second thought, I think I meet more flirty married women, than, single flirty women…

By: hunter

hunter — Sat, 22 Mar 2008 06:00:40 +0000

to cassidy,

My applause!….

By: mmagnolia

mmagnolia — Sat, 22 Mar 2008 01:30:26 +0000

Alleluia–this IS a Good Friday 4enlightenment! GollyGee, Friends: I thought I embodied a take-no-prisoners mindset but good2know not so, and via a perfect scenario. Let’s hang onto our stones; irrelevant 4now if the guy’s got a ‘cheat’ history. Ms. C’s situation is not really of an either/or species [yes--had Holy h2o lately]. There’s ‘grey/gray’ here, and that’s perceived by someone who believes (2 words!) in fidelity as an expression of honesty–whether acquired or natural. BTW: Love! that “mattress and sheets” behind eyes phrase; if moment arises to quote, will cite source! Let’s exhale & consider some relevant bits: [1] No note on mindset of MM’s spouse; [2] No mention made that Dear Cassidy wants the “altar thing” with the ‘MM’; [3] Maybe Ms. Cassidy only wants to bless herself & the MM with momentary love&happiness; [4] It’s unknown whether momentary L&H would be ok [or has been so?] w/ ‘wife’; [5] Ms. C’s query seems 2B a search–not on adultery–but on ultimate honesty, which often is a refugee within our selves. Sure, if the operative adjective applicable to the MM is “cheat”, that is unhealthy & counterproductive for himself, first & most–and for two ‘hers’, but that is an unknown. Thanks, Schoolmates, 4enticing me to cool my jets on being too “pink&blue”. All things are never equal. However, all things can be simple. Intrinsic or belated honesty is an essential holy stream for any merry intercoursing. Cheerful Blessings on the Wading!

By: Susan

Susan — Fri, 21 Mar 2008 22:11:49 +0000

By the way, the author I mention above – her name is “Tess Stimson” not Simmons. Oops.

By: Shelby

Shelby — Fri, 21 Mar 2008 20:44:35 +0000

Cassidy, good for you for the Holy Water…I say this because if a guy is married and flirting, there’s a giant chance he will do the same exact thing to you if he were to leave his wife or have an affair with you. You don’t want or need that! Plus, my friend C has been pining over and having an affair with a married man in a very similar situation to yours. And she’s been in this nightmare for 14 years now. She’s torn up all the time and you don’t want that in your life, either. You deserve a man whom will give you the respect and attention you deserve!

By: Susan

Susan — Fri, 21 Mar 2008 19:57:26 +0000

Cassidy, kudos for making the decision you did!

I also wanted to mention for any book lovers the novel The Adultery Club by Tess Simmons, which touches on this very topic. It’s an interesting story about the 3 players in a love triangle (husband, wife, other woman) — funny and heartbreaking at different times. I for one could identify with all 3 characters at certain points … but it’s better to read about messy relationships than to live them.

Again, good for you, Cassidy on putting the idea, not the man, to bed.

By: Eric the BeehiveHairdresser

Eric the BeehiveHairdresser — Fri, 21 Mar 2008 19:46:18 +0000

I live in Brooklyn, and ladies, if you two are going to fight over me, I think we should sell some tickets first.

By: Aurora

Aurora — Fri, 21 Mar 2008 18:44:02 +0000

Christine….
I may need to fight you for Eric:) Unless he has another single friend.