Comments on: When The Clock’s a-Ticking, but There Ain’t No Ring On the Finger http://manslations.com/2008/03/26/when-the-clocks-a-ticking-but-there-aint-no-ring-on-the-finger/ Advice for smart women who are tired of feeling so stupid about men. Mon, 23 Jan 2012 04:24:48 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.2.1 By: fred http://manslations.com/2008/03/26/when-the-clocks-a-ticking-but-there-aint-no-ring-on-the-finger/comment-page-1/#comment-4108 fred Fri, 28 Mar 2008 10:45:26 +0000 http://manslations.com/?p=238#comment-4108 that's great - and remember, 29 is YOUNG. Plenty of time for everything that matters, including growing together into a good thing. that’s great – and remember, 29 is YOUNG. Plenty of time for everything that matters, including growing together into a good thing.

]]> By: lan http://manslations.com/2008/03/26/when-the-clocks-a-ticking-but-there-aint-no-ring-on-the-finger/comment-page-1/#comment-4107 lan Wed, 26 Mar 2008 17:20:51 +0000 http://manslations.com/?p=238#comment-4107 many thanks jeff and others for your thoughts--after a couple of weeks, i've had plenty of time to sort out my initial feelings and get to the bones of what is really important to me (and not anyone else). as it turns out, he also expressed dread that his family would be asking him if marriage was in the future as well! we've talked about it, and he said he wants to upgrade is financial/living situation first; of course i need to finish school. so we still have personal milestones to accomplish. during my dark moments of uncertainty, he reassures me that things are going to be ok. yes, i have a lot to be thankful for :-) your thoughts (both gentle and kick ass) are much appreciated. my head is back on track. thanks! many thanks jeff and others for your thoughts–after a couple of weeks, i’ve had plenty of time to sort out my initial feelings and get to the bones of what is really important to me (and not anyone else).

as it turns out, he also expressed dread that his family would be asking him if marriage was in the future as well! we’ve talked about it, and he said he wants to upgrade is financial/living situation first; of course i need to finish school. so we still have personal milestones to accomplish. during my dark moments of uncertainty, he reassures me that things are going to be ok. yes, i have a lot to be thankful for :-)

your thoughts (both gentle and kick ass) are much appreciated.
my head is back on track. thanks!

]]> By: mar http://manslations.com/2008/03/26/when-the-clocks-a-ticking-but-there-aint-no-ring-on-the-finger/comment-page-1/#comment-4106 mar Wed, 26 Mar 2008 17:14:12 +0000 http://manslations.com/?p=238#comment-4106 Ian, one more thing: you don't need to change your personality to demand the next level of commitment, as you put it. If you want to get on to the next level of commitment, then you want to do that with someone who knows how you are and loves you for who you are. Seriously. Ian, one more thing: you don’t need to change your personality to demand the next level of commitment, as you put it. If you want to get on to the next level of commitment, then you want to do that with someone who knows how you are and loves you for who you are. Seriously.

]]> By: Amelie http://manslations.com/2008/03/26/when-the-clocks-a-ticking-but-there-aint-no-ring-on-the-finger/comment-page-1/#comment-4105 Amelie Wed, 26 Mar 2008 13:45:40 +0000 http://manslations.com/?p=238#comment-4105 Now let's see....you have a boyfriend who is loyal to you and supports you. He is reliable and makes you laugh. he sounds pretty committed to me :-) you've been together three years. Why not take time to see where things are going? Marriage is not all it's cracked up to be, judging by the high divorce rate and the way people change partners like underwear. Here is some advice from Cary Tennis: "Some of your desires may be speaking in the only language theyknow, the hieroglyphics of cultural memory, in which virtue is symbolized by a village church and security by a wedding ring. It's a deep and powerful language, but it is not always to be taken literally. So give it some honest, careful thought: Is it marriage you desire, or is marriage a kind of shorthand for having things settled between you, for being able to trust him, for knowing that he places you first in his life, for knowing that you won't be lightly abandoned. "It may be that your very soul desires the ballast of a wedding, the magical stabilizing weight of that paper certificate that keeps you upright in a storm. It's not strictly rational, but it's what some people need. Me, for instance: If I'm ever in doubt about who I am I can take a streetcar down to City Hall and look at the marriage license." It sounds rather silly in that context. I dunno OP, it sounds like you have a great guy there. Maybe you should be looking more within and asking yourself WHY you really want this. Think about it. is it marriage you want, or validation? Now let’s see….you have a boyfriend who is loyal to you and supports you. He is reliable and makes you laugh. he sounds pretty committed to me :-)
you’ve been together three years. Why not take time to see where things are going? Marriage is not all it’s cracked up to be, judging by the high divorce rate and the way people change partners like underwear. Here is some advice from Cary Tennis:
“Some of your desires may be speaking in the only language theyknow, the hieroglyphics of cultural memory, in which virtue is symbolized by a village church and security by a wedding ring. It’s a deep and powerful language, but it is not always to be taken literally.
So give it some honest, careful thought: Is it marriage you desire, or is marriage a kind of shorthand for having things settled between you, for being able to trust him, for knowing that he places you first in his life, for knowing that you won’t be lightly abandoned.

“It may be that your very soul desires the ballast of a wedding, the magical stabilizing weight of that paper certificate that keeps you upright in a storm. It’s not strictly rational, but it’s what some people need. Me, for instance: If I’m ever in doubt about who I am I can take a streetcar down to City Hall and look at the marriage license.”
It sounds rather silly in that context.

I dunno OP, it sounds like you have a great guy there. Maybe you should be looking more within and asking yourself WHY you really want this.

Think about it. is it marriage you want, or validation?

]]> By: mar http://manslations.com/2008/03/26/when-the-clocks-a-ticking-but-there-aint-no-ring-on-the-finger/comment-page-1/#comment-4104 mar Wed, 26 Mar 2008 12:51:32 +0000 http://manslations.com/?p=238#comment-4104 Ian I think that if you haven't been thinking about this up until now, there must some reason for that, even if it's not obvious to you. May it be that you are studying and want to finish that first? May it be that the next important thing for you is to find a job? May it be because there are similar difficulties on his side? Sometimes, when people do something like this, which we aren't doing or thinking about doing, we get a bit freaked out. We worry that time is passing by us, or that we aren't in the right relationship, or that we are not making the right choices. Perhaps that is true, but not necessarily. The good news is that it gives you an opportunity to stand back for a moment and think about your life and what you really want. It's a bit of a kick-in-the-ass. If you are getting a bit freaked out and anxious, perhaps because you don't understand why it makes you feel like that, then take some time to stand back and think. If you reach the conclusion that something needs changing, then go on and do it. But you may as well find that you have the life you want and that you are happy with how it is. If so, congratulations. Good luck, Mar Ian

I think that if you haven’t been thinking about this up until now, there must some reason for that, even if it’s not obvious to you. May it be that you are studying and want to finish that first? May it be that the next important thing for you is to find a job? May it be because there are similar difficulties on his side?

Sometimes, when people do something like this, which we aren’t doing or thinking about doing, we get a bit freaked out. We worry that time is passing by us, or that we aren’t in the right relationship, or that we are not making the right choices. Perhaps that is true, but not necessarily. The good news is that it gives you an opportunity to stand back for a moment and think about your life and what you really want. It’s a bit of a kick-in-the-ass.

If you are getting a bit freaked out and anxious, perhaps because you don’t understand why it makes you feel like that, then take some time to stand back and think. If you reach the conclusion that something needs changing, then go on and do it. But you may as well find that you have the life you want and that you are happy with how it is. If so, congratulations.

Good luck, Mar

]]> By: graceless24 http://manslations.com/2008/03/26/when-the-clocks-a-ticking-but-there-aint-no-ring-on-the-finger/comment-page-1/#comment-4103 graceless24 Wed, 26 Mar 2008 11:53:26 +0000 http://manslations.com/?p=238#comment-4103 I think your advice was very well put. Much better than I probably could have ever verbalized. One of our downfalls (here I am generalizing) is that when things change in our heads, and boy, do they, we don't tell our male counterparts. Rather, we wait for them to figure it out, and if they don't that only makes us even more mad, which worsens the situation... in our heads. Over the years, I've learned that if I want something, I have to ask for it. Whether it's in my friendships, at work, or in romantic relationships. That's what Ian needs to do here. Cause you don't get what you don't ask for. I think your advice was very well put. Much better than I probably could have ever verbalized.

One of our downfalls (here I am generalizing) is that when things change in our heads, and boy, do they, we don’t tell our male counterparts. Rather, we wait for them to figure it out, and if they don’t that only makes us even more mad, which worsens the situation… in our heads.

Over the years, I’ve learned that if I want something, I have to ask for it. Whether it’s in my friendships, at work, or in romantic relationships. That’s what Ian needs to do here. Cause you don’t get what you don’t ask for.

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