Because of the possibility *I* might have had it also (given the circumstances) I read tons of information about it on Webmd and other internet sites. One of the things I read is that a woman could contract it at 18 and not have it show up until she was in her 30′s, 40′s, or 50′s. A routine pap won’t reveal it. An abnormal pap is cause to have tests done to see if HPV is present-it may, OR MAY NOT be the cause of the abnormal pap.

Given that an estimated 50% of the adult population may have one of HPV’s 70 different forms & the extreme dormancy period–about the only way you can determine WHO gave it to you is if you’ve only had one partner if your life. And there is lot’s more info out there than just this.

I’ve been tested for HPV several times in the last 5 yrs. and so far have been negative. As far as my (now ex) bf is concerned, I don’t know if he ever got tested (rather doubt it), but he could have been a carrier or not. HPV should not scare anyone out of intimacy, but I think the expectation of life-long monogamy to someone you just started dating might! LOL. Education is everything.

Yes I agree that he should have a choice, and that it should be discussed before having sex.

I also agree there is no way of telling how long they will be exclusive. I just meant to say that it is “less of an issue” in a long-term, exclusive relationship.

The virus might disappear completely. It doesn’t mean that it will disappear. Only that it disappears in a large % of cases.

I think the virus can also be dormant: be carried but without the symptons.

Sorry I didn’t mean everything I said to you. Only the part on precautions. The thing with this virus is that it is gotten by skin contact between genital areas (not very clear about oral sex, but apparently there is also some risk). I guess this explains why it is so spread. Because condoms don’t cover the whole area that carries the virus, and you only need skin contact between the two genital areas.

Anyway, it’s complicated. That’s why I think she should do her research before dropping this to him.

Mar

Thanks so much for all the comments, you guys. The key is most definitely, I think, that #1 and #2 are kind of not an issue, and #3 mostly requires that she show up to the conversation with all kinds of info. Probably not, like, a pamphlet rack from the pharmacy, but something.

Regarding HPV: I didn’t know the virus disappeared from the body within two years. I believe I did read however it can stay in the body, but be ‘dormant’.

Also, if she indeed does have it, dormant or otherwise, being monogamous isn’t the same thing as addressing the issue of transmitting it to a future partner if he DOES contract it from her. They are just starting to date! What guarantee is there that they will stay together months, let alone a lifetime? It’s a valid thing to consider.

The burden of HPV falls to women in terms of getting regular pap smears. But if a man KNOWS he carries the virus it is his responsibility to inform a potential partner of this wouldn’t you agree? It’s conceivable a man wouldn’t want to have sex with someone who has HPV just to avoid such a future discussion with another woman. Where education needs to come in.

And condoms aren’t foolproof for preventing the transmission of ANY std’s. They certainly can help however, particularly because a man has an “outie”-the part most likely to be involved in sexual contact.

But as I said above, the fact that she has pre-cancerous cells is not proof that she has the virus. For the virus disappears eventually from the body in a 2 years period (at least in 90% of women, much more quickly in younger women). It might be the case that she does not have the virus any longer and this might not be something to worry about at all. I’d consider that as a real possibility.

At any rate, you are very right: this is such a common STD that the guy could get it with anyone else.

Also important: if they do become exclusive, then there is no risk of spreading it onto other women. In men the virus only causes genital warts, NOT cancer.

I really think it’s not such an awful deal, and she should just do research and master this topic before telling him.

A lot of people want to be exclusive before having sex. The problem is when one person ASSUMES they are exclusive, and the other most certainly is not. Much better to get this card on the table to avoid misunderstandings. And if he dumps you because he wants to have sex with you (and whomever else as well) then he’s not really Mr. Right for you anyway, no?

What’s the statistic on HPV these days? Isn’t it around 50% of all sexually active adults have a form of it? That’s one in two people. Meaning there’s a fairly good chance that he has it himself.

Print out info regarding it from the internet to give him in case he isn’t already somewhat educated about it and just handle it matter of factly. If he wants to protect himself from getting it and potentially transmitting it to a future partner then he needs to take precautions. But he needs to be aware that he’d have to take those precautions WITH ANYONE he slept with given the prevalence of the virus and how most people have it without any symptoms or prior test results proving otherwise.

Really Leighann, if he balks at having a relationship with you for any of these reasons, I’d have to say the guy just isn’t as wonderful as you are making him out in your head to be.