Comments on: Is He Interested…Or Just Raised Well?

By: AnneZ

AnneZ — Wed, 21 May 2008 15:27:46 +0000

Ashley makes a great point: “If this guy doesn’t work out, someone else will notice that you’re available now.”

You are probably projecting a lot more importance on to this guy than necessary, since you’re so “rusty.” If it doesn’t work out with him, don’t go back further into your shell. It’s dark in there! Just whip out your smile more often—more really cool guys will see it and respond.

By: Ashley

Ashley — Wed, 21 May 2008 10:01:03 +0000

Taking down the sign is difficult but not impossible. After 15+ years of marching with my “do not disturb” sign, I finally realized I needed to project that I was available. Amazing how many guys flirt with me now! So, take your sign down and burn it. If this guy doesn’t work out, someone else will notice that you’re available now.

By: jane

jane — Tue, 20 May 2008 16:47:55 +0000

You’re lucky to have the mutual friend thing going on for you!! Use it!! Find out if he is dating someone first and if not, see if your friend would be willing to invite him out to something more intimate then a big dinner party–maybe with just a couple people? that way you have a better chance to get more time with him to really guage his interest level and have a one on one convo. if you guys have something in common, for exp you both play tennis, say something like “i love to play but its always hard to find someone to go with” or “i really want to see ___ movie.” Sometimes if a guy is interested, he will use that to ask you out! I know it is SO 3rd grade but it has worked for me!! Good luck!!!

By: Selena

Selena — Tue, 20 May 2008 16:30:37 +0000

Another thought:
Are you sure this guy is available? Maybe he started dating someone recently that your mutual friend doesn’t know about. That could explain the ‘light flirting’ without follow up. I’ve run into that kind of thing a few times before. Perhaps you should get your friend to see if she can get a “status report” on him before doing anything else and spending any more time wondering.

By: debra

debra — Tue, 20 May 2008 14:22:37 +0000

You are very fortunate to have this type of ‘safe’ environment to work on letting your guard down…take advantage of it. As a fellow practitioner of the Do Not Disturb Guild of Those Who Think Now They’d Like a Little Disturbance , I agree with the previous advice, have your friend engineer another group gathering. Spend more time with this guy, in a non-threatening, comfortable way, just like the group dinner you described. You’ll be able to tell, if you just listen to your gut. It’s possible he is just a nice guy, but it is certainly more than possible that he is a nice guy that likes you! Seems that way to me. Good luck!

By: Selena

Selena — Tue, 20 May 2008 13:15:09 +0000

I’d interpret the act of putting his hand over yours as a sign of interest. Yet, he didn’t ask you out, so what does that mean? He wasn’t all ‘that’ interested? Or perhaps he picked up on the “do not disturb” vibe you are trying to shake? Can’t tell.

I think the best bet would be to get your mutual friend to have another social gathering where you could talk to him again, as Jeff suggested. Would you feel comfortable with her ‘feeling him out’ for you? Something like she’s tells him you find him charming, interesting, attractive–what have you–and reports back to you with his reaction? I actually ended up getting a boyfriend this way once, though our mutual friend never knew what she was setting in motion when she mentioned our comments about each other to us lol.