Comments on: Is Asking for Pics of Another Woman a Phase!?

By: deanna

deanna — Fri, 05 Sep 2008 07:53:20 +0000

It is a very amazing thing what we are willing and not willing to accept. It took me a long hard look into my husband’s issues with “the truth” and his huge insecurities to find that some men have character and integrity and some just don’t. The ones that don’t are tremendous at hiding their true selves and also wonderful at smokescreens. I had enough and I actually became the other woman after catching him emotionally cheating with two others. (not sure if he had done it before this, but I’m pretty sure he has after all I have learned)……it was not too hard since he so desperately wants another woman’s acceptance and approval and yes, the fantasy!! This is a very long tale, but what I’m here to say, is I was in complete denial even after knowing for many many years that he tends to lie about even the smallest of things. Very frustrating cause my trust and respect for him was at its limit when I finally got proof and became quite friendly with the young woman he was having this newly blossoming affair with last year. She had no clue he was married and I had no way of knowing what “the heck” so we talked and what I learned was a shocker. He was so perverted with her and he is so not that way at least I thought. Then he did it again shortly afterward and yes, he is not so bright and I busted him again!!! This time the woman did not want to do “girl talk” with me and asked to be left alone. Okay, this is about what is up with the men, the ladies that become other women are usually blind-sighted by the man saying how he is “seperated” or so unhappy and it is really not the chicks fault in my opinion. I have tried forgiveness, counseling, being extra attentive and loving (thinking I must be taking this man for granted or sumpin) {btw, we have lots of sex, so that ain’t it either} nothing has helped this man stop thinking of his girlfriend///ME and as of this last month, he has admitted to being in love with her. Long story short, I’m chillin’, waiting to refinance the mortgage, get out of debt he has caused (he had two personal bankruptcies in the last ten years)…yep I had the sick pup that needed fixing and it did not work…..getting some schooling in so I can carry on life without him. I will never ever ever tell him what I did. I know it was wrong and it was the worse type of entrapment, but if you knew him, you would know it had to be done. I controlled this situation myself because it would of been some unfortunate young girl that he manipulated. Alright so I am making excuses. Quick look at the end of tale, his girl wants to take a break (she feels she can no longer be a homewrecker…haha and she wants him to figure out what he wants to do with his marriage before she will see him face to face which obviously is not possible but he keeps bugging her for a meeting and maybe a little fondling). It may turn out that he leaves me. That is what he tells his chick –that he has looked into the legal and financial hubub that this entails. They have “their songs” that he picked out that reminded him of their connection…….yep, same two songs he told me were our songs way back when we first started out. Kicked me straight in the molars. But at least I know and what a way to gain insight. For the longest time, I was taking what he told this girl and using it to help me work harder on our relationship as sick as that sounds. I look at the glass half full and I wanted to help this man get thru the nasty midlife crisis I felt he was having. But it got too ugly lately and was hurting me and also pulling me into this dark fantasy world of his, so I had to get out and shower off. I know it was not what I would want to happen to myself, but the test started out as just -A Test- but he failed so miserably and lied so much all the while being sooo soooo normal and loving with me. Scary. My point is be kind to yourself, listen clearly to your own instincts, save yourself alot of time energy and pain and get out the denial and step into empowering the great person in you that deserves to have an honest life. Lies are like a terminal illness if left unaccounted for. It will take me loads of therapy but I know where I’m headed and my research has earned me my life back. I don’t suggest this tactic to anyone at all. Ever.

By: Kerri

Kerri — Tue, 22 Jul 2008 12:14:16 +0000

While carrying my husbands 3rd child, he got very interested on facebook , then he started shutting down his computer every night ,stuff like that. When I asked him about why he seemed to be being sneaky, I got, grow up and realize what is right in front of you. 4 days after I had the baby, I was trying to move pictures from my computer to his computer threw shared files, I opened a folder, and low and behold there were pictures of some woman that could have been in Hustler magazine, right next to them were naked pics of my husband. When I went off on him, he had a million reasons and excuses, His main reason, I asked for her’s, she sent twice, and told me I owed her, so I sent them, no more then free porn. I however felt very betrayed and hurt, angry, and like I had been hit with a ton of bricks. The dates just made it so much worse, she sent her’s the same night I had the baby, and he sent his 3 days after I gave birth, the worse part for me, was that he had actually asked for them from her, the day before I gave birth, after going with me to an amnio that hurt like crazy, holding my hand, rubbing my head and coming home and right to asking her for some fun pics of herself. It is very hurtfull and Very hard to get over. I say toss him, unless you can get rid of the internet, its always going to pose a problem.

By: mmagnolia

mmagnolia — Thu, 22 May 2008 04:12:11 +0000

Dear Stacy: Methinks that your “fianHEsay” eased/tricked your access [unless you're a hacker!] to his various grids because he wanted you to learn about his winning ways. Make your 3rd child YOUR three’s-the-charm to vacate his life, with written visitation of course. The toddlers don’t deserve that stress AND you neither deserve nor need it. Of course, life will be more difficult in some ways BUT sweeter than sweet in other more important ways. Be good for The kids who may be the best reason you two share. Enjoy your fruit in a fruitful place! …..BTW: Thanks! Ms. Selena, for that “tab A into slot B” which is a loin-trembler indeed!
….

By: Shelby

Shelby — Wed, 21 May 2008 17:09:48 +0000

Here’s an example of what I recently went through: My boyfriend and I recently moved into a VERY large historic, so we’re never in the same part of the house at the same time. Especially when we’re working on the restoration. We have to answer each other’s cell phones when they ring, depending on who’s closer to which phone at the time and who has the better reception in whatever area of the house. The other day, HIS phone received one of those cutesy-flirty text messages from his longtime female friends. So I took him his phone; said nothing. He immediately called this friend on speaker, saying “I haven’t heard from you in two months. How’s Bob? (Her boyfriend.) What’s the deal with this message?” I heard the lady say, “Oh, sorry if I bothered you. I was sending it to everyone I know. Bob sent it to me. Isn’t that funny?” The pure fact that I didn’t have to say a word and he knew that I wouldn’t particularly appreciate another woman’s text made him want to let me know there was nothing for me to worry about. Even if I knew there was nothing to worry about in the first place; she’s several states away, has a boyfriend, they’ve known each other for 15 years, etc., etc. This is an example of a man who gives a crap about my feelings. If he were receiving these messages all the time, emailing with her, asking for pics (besides the ones with her boyfriend and children included in them) I’d also wonder what the heck was going on. My point is, if MY boyfriend asked another woman for naked pics, I’d leave. Now, he has his “stash” of pretty ladies on his PSP, he has ladies flirting with him all the time. I’m sure he has as Jeff refers to, “Sneeze Fantasies.” This is NO Big Deal. It’s when the guy starts ASKING and eliciting attention from another woman that it becomes a problem. pregnant or not, I’d leave. I wouldn’t put up with the disrespect.

By: Sassy

Sassy — Wed, 21 May 2008 16:50:14 +0000

Stacy, I’m so sorry that you have to be in this position. While it may be hard, you need to make a plan. Lean on friends and family—that’s what they’re there for. You need to take care of yourself and your kids and get away from a man who clearly does not respect you. I can imagine that you’re very scared, but things generally have a way of working out.

If you need, get some professional help. There are lots of organizations that can help including your local pastor, women’s shelters, etc. Just getting some basic information, even if you don’t act on it right away, is very empowering.

Good luck to you.

By: Madame X

Madame X — Wed, 21 May 2008 15:56:50 +0000

I hope this doesn’t come off as rude…
But I don’t understand why someone would be on child #3 without being married. I can understand one unplanned pregnancy. But why #2 and then #3.
Everyone wants to blame him.. what kind of man is he.. won’t commit to marriage after 6 years. After the first child, if he refused to marry her, she should have been gone then! It takes 2 to tango! (Here’s a novel idea, bet married first and then have kids.)
She should have dumped this LOSER years ago!

By: mar

mar — Wed, 21 May 2008 15:51:04 +0000

I endorse all of the above. It’s so unacceptable, I can’t even consider why she would want to stay in that relationship.

By: lisa

lisa — Wed, 21 May 2008 15:46:13 +0000

If it walks like a duck, and quacks like a duck, it’s a duck.

It is such a violation to you for him to even engage in the behavior of viewing her picts. God only knows what’s in his sent folder of him to her.

Sometimes you gotta pick your stuff up and just go, and not prolong the suffering. You cannot change someone who’s not willing to even address the problem.

By: Ingrid

Ingrid — Wed, 21 May 2008 14:17:21 +0000

Run don’t walk to the nearest exit Stacy. In addition to not trusting this guy, he’s chosen to not communicate but only deny what’s really going on here. Sounds as though he’s already lamenting losing his freedom to do whatever he wants with other women.

I’d say you’re getting good advice although being pregnant makes things even more complicated. Sorry you’re dealing with this bad behaviour Stacy and good luck to you and your children. If he’s doing this now, imagine how it would be if you were actually married to him.

By: AnneZ

AnneZ — Wed, 21 May 2008 13:46:31 +0000

“But just to put it out there, it’s never going to be ok to be in a relationship where one of you is spying on the other one. If he’s someone you need to spy on, seriously, it’s going nowhere good.”

Print this ^ out and keep it in your wallet.

This man is the father of your children. For their sake, try to think of something good about him and keep that in mind at all times.

Now thwack yourself on the forehead and don’t let the door slam on your way out. You are on your way. He can have what he wants and you can have what you want—because what neither one of you wants is “this.”

He’s going to suddenly insist you’re the cheater, so cheerfully get the DNA tests (take his hairbrush with you as pack up) and file paternity suits so it’s all proper.

Difficult since you’re pregnant, yes. But, in my view, even more difficult to continue this pregnancy with him around. Ask yourself, what are your kiddies doing while you’re crying and spying and confronting? There’s at least one of them who can’t leave the room. None of this is good for anybody. Stop the madness.

Everyone of has been in love with the wrong person at some time. We all know how hard it is. We also know how better it is when we finally gather the courage to move on. We all look back at the craziness and say “I’ll never do that again.” This process is about to begin for you. You are not alone, not by any means. We’ve all been there and all know how much better life can be!