Comments on: Any Way to Tell if He’ll be Tempted When He’s Away at School? http://manslations.com/2008/05/22/any-way-to-tell-if-hell-be-tempted-when-hes-away-at-school/ Ask for Jeff Mac's advice on what men think -- about relationships, dating, sex, love, squirrels, whatever. Tue, 27 Jul 2010 15:10:54 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.0 By: hunter http://manslations.com/2008/05/22/any-way-to-tell-if-hell-be-tempted-when-hes-away-at-school/comment-page-1/#comment-4465 hunter Sun, 25 May 2008 16:41:33 +0000 http://manslations.wordpress.com/?p=279#comment-4465 To aurora, LOL!....that was funny!.... To aurora,

LOL!….that was funny!….

]]> By: Bloomsbury Bell http://manslations.com/2008/05/22/any-way-to-tell-if-hell-be-tempted-when-hes-away-at-school/comment-page-1/#comment-4464 Bloomsbury Bell Fri, 23 May 2008 01:47:28 +0000 http://manslations.wordpress.com/?p=279#comment-4464 Responding to Uncertain's fear that the hostel experience will change him: At 22 (and I'm thinking Uncertain is younger) with him in college, I'd say it's pretty much a given that both of them are going to change a good deal in the next year or two, regardless of where he lives. That's what happens in your twenties: you figure out who you are and (if you're lucky) who you want to be. No way to plan or predict what will happen with their relationship. If I read correctly, maybe he is already in college, and the college is in or near the town where she lives?? He's just decided that instead of living at home, or an apartment, he wants to get the "true college experience" by living in a hostel/dorm environment. In that case, she'll have plenty of opportunity to gauge how things are going and will just have to be careful not tot read too much or too little into what is going on when they are together, or when he is unavailable. Responding to Uncertain’s fear that the hostel experience will change him: At 22 (and I’m thinking Uncertain is younger) with him in college, I’d say it’s pretty much a given that both of them are going to change a good deal in the next year or two, regardless of where he lives. That’s what happens in your twenties: you figure out who you are and (if you’re lucky) who you want to be. No way to plan or predict what will happen with their relationship.

If I read correctly, maybe he is already in college, and the college is in or near the town where she lives?? He’s just decided that instead of living at home, or an apartment, he wants to get the “true college experience” by living in a hostel/dorm environment. In that case, she’ll have plenty of opportunity to gauge how things are going and will just have to be careful not tot read too much or too little into what is going on when they are together, or when he is unavailable.

]]> By: mmagnolia http://manslations.com/2008/05/22/any-way-to-tell-if-hell-be-tempted-when-hes-away-at-school/comment-page-1/#comment-4463 mmagnolia Thu, 22 May 2008 18:36:07 +0000 http://manslations.wordpress.com/?p=279#comment-4463 Dears: I miss sensing a balanced loyalty between UNC and her GuyDIY--as in, no reciprocal DIY word to her that SHE let him know if SHE wants to fool [!who's fooling whom] around. Loyalty is a Good Thing; integrity embodies other facets. FIRST, our LovingLoyal Birds need to have a deeply broad conversation about sex lives in general and in their specific, because he's hot to trot it and she's hot for him. Perhaps, they sing from mismatched hymnals. SECONDLY, their 'let me know if you want to fool around' arrangement carries a short shelf-life in real life--as in, both Birds might find it impossible to alert the other B4 ripping off clothes. THUS, we return to the beauty & integrity of their heart2heart conversation about their bodies2bodies. No need to shoo away; it's the Hound here [!22 & he's nippin@edges]. Quiet that Hound by addressing Hound issues! Curiosity kills the cat; information brings her back. 2U2 Birds: Prayers for Sweet Pawing & Purring! Dears: I miss sensing a balanced loyalty between UNC and her GuyDIY–as in, no reciprocal DIY word to her that SHE let him know if SHE wants to fool [!who's fooling whom] around. Loyalty is a Good Thing; integrity embodies other facets.
FIRST, our LovingLoyal Birds need to have a deeply broad conversation about sex lives in general and in their specific, because he’s hot to trot it and she’s hot for him. Perhaps, they sing from mismatched hymnals. SECONDLY, their ‘let me know if you want to fool around’ arrangement carries a short shelf-life in real life–as in, both Birds might find it impossible to alert the other B4 ripping off clothes. THUS, we return to the beauty & integrity of their heart2heart conversation about their bodies2bodies. No need to shoo away; it’s the Hound here
[!22 & he's nippin@edges]. Quiet that Hound by addressing Hound issues! Curiosity kills the cat; information brings her back. 2U2 Birds: Prayers for Sweet Pawing & Purring!

]]> By: Aurora http://manslations.com/2008/05/22/any-way-to-tell-if-hell-be-tempted-when-hes-away-at-school/comment-page-1/#comment-4462 Aurora Thu, 22 May 2008 18:24:04 +0000 http://manslations.wordpress.com/?p=279#comment-4462 I thought it was... If you love something set it free. It it comes back it was yours. If it doesn't, hunt it down and kill it. ( I really need to stop reading bumper stickers) I thought it was…
If you love something set it free. It it comes back it was yours. If it doesn’t, hunt it down and kill it.
( I really need to stop reading bumper stickers)

]]> By: Selena http://manslations.com/2008/05/22/any-way-to-tell-if-hell-be-tempted-when-hes-away-at-school/comment-page-1/#comment-4461 Selena Thu, 22 May 2008 17:12:17 +0000 http://manslations.wordpress.com/?p=279#comment-4461 Wouldn't this also factor in to how "close" their relationship is? That is, have they committed to each other? Planned to marry in the future? The ambiguousness of having a r'ship in which one person moves out of town with only the admonition, "Please promise to break up with me first if you fool around" would leave me feeling very uncertain too. Wouldn’t this also factor in to how “close” their relationship is? That is, have they committed to each other? Planned to marry in the future?

The ambiguousness of having a r’ship in which one person moves out of town with only the admonition, “Please promise to break up with me first if you fool around” would leave me feeling very uncertain too.

]]> By: tee http://manslations.com/2008/05/22/any-way-to-tell-if-hell-be-tempted-when-hes-away-at-school/comment-page-1/#comment-4460 tee Thu, 22 May 2008 17:11:47 +0000 http://manslations.wordpress.com/?p=279#comment-4460 Having been through a "boyfriend away at college" period of my life. I look back and think wow, we were so young. Perhaps you can offer to him the butterfly option. Set him (actually each other) free for the time he is away. Be yourselves, and live joyfully. At the end of the school year reevaluate or not... "If you love something, Set it free... If it comes back, it's yours, If it doesn't, it never was yours...." Not sure who wrote this but is is very true... Best of luck to you! T Having been through a “boyfriend away at college” period of my life. I look back and think wow, we were so young. Perhaps you can offer to him the butterfly option. Set him (actually each other) free for the time he is away. Be yourselves, and live joyfully. At the end of the school year reevaluate or not…

“If you love something, Set it free… If it comes back, it’s yours, If it doesn’t, it never was yours….”

Not sure who wrote this but is is very true…
Best of luck to you!
T

]]> By: debra http://manslations.com/2008/05/22/any-way-to-tell-if-hell-be-tempted-when-hes-away-at-school/comment-page-1/#comment-4459 debra Thu, 22 May 2008 16:31:24 +0000 http://manslations.wordpress.com/?p=279#comment-4459 'Uncertain' doesn't mention if there is a particular drive for either of them to resist being more physical. I think in order to trust in his ability to resist temptation, it is necessary to understand if he has made the same conscious decision that she seems to have made for herself to not be more physical. Has he decided he is not going to be physical until marriage for religious reasons? Just not until a relationship is more mature? Or has he simply not had the opportunity to take a relationship to that level, but would jump at the chance given the option? I think knowing what his commitment to not giving in to the temptation of doing more than kissing is the only thing that could give you a clue as to how likely it is he'll stay true to you. If he does stray....his commitment to refraining from sex is not as strong as yours, in which case, he is not strong enough to deserve your trust and faith in him. But, perhaps, if he shares your commitment to abstaining, you can support each other in that decision. Good luck to you both! ‘Uncertain’ doesn’t mention if there is a particular drive for either of them to resist being more physical. I think in order to trust in his ability to resist temptation, it is necessary to understand if he has made the same conscious decision that she seems to have made for herself to not be more physical. Has he decided he is not going to be physical until marriage for religious reasons? Just not until a relationship is more mature? Or has he simply not had the opportunity to take a relationship to that level, but would jump at the chance given the option? I think knowing what his commitment to not giving in to the temptation of doing more than kissing is the only thing that could give you a clue as to how likely it is he’ll stay true to you. If he does stray….his commitment to refraining from sex is not as strong as yours, in which case, he is not strong enough to deserve your trust and faith in him. But, perhaps, if he shares your commitment to abstaining, you can support each other in that decision. Good luck to you both!

]]> By: AnneZ http://manslations.com/2008/05/22/any-way-to-tell-if-hell-be-tempted-when-hes-away-at-school/comment-page-1/#comment-4458 AnneZ Thu, 22 May 2008 15:00:16 +0000 http://manslations.wordpress.com/?p=279#comment-4458 I would add that it also depends on the strength of their relationship. They have only known each other 7 months. They are both young. They are both very inexperienced. She really has no way of knowing if this really is the right relationship for her anyway. Maybe the boy is the one who should be worrying. Maybe she is the one who is going to meet someone exciting first. Really, this relationship is way too unripe to be drawing any conclusions. What I'm really trying to say is she maybe shouldn't worry so much about this. It's a learning time for both of them. It's not a do or die situation at all. She has a way lot of life ahead of her. He may or may not be part of her future. Don't sweat it. Enjoy him in the here and now, be the best person you can be....and let time tell the rest of the story. I would add that it also depends on the strength of their relationship.

They have only known each other 7 months. They are both young. They are both very inexperienced.

She really has no way of knowing if this really is the right relationship for her anyway.

Maybe the boy is the one who should be worrying. Maybe she is the one who is going to meet someone exciting first. Really, this relationship is way too unripe to be drawing any conclusions.

What I’m really trying to say is she maybe shouldn’t worry so much about this. It’s a learning time for both of them. It’s not a do or die situation at all. She has a way lot of life ahead of her. He may or may not be part of her future. Don’t sweat it. Enjoy him in the here and now, be the best person you can be….and let time tell the rest of the story.

]]> By: mar http://manslations.com/2008/05/22/any-way-to-tell-if-hell-be-tempted-when-hes-away-at-school/comment-page-1/#comment-4457 mar Thu, 22 May 2008 14:58:25 +0000 http://manslations.wordpress.com/?p=279#comment-4457 I'd like to add (to the above) that I actually regard watching porno as cheating. I do know there is a difference between the things that happen to men in their heads and the things they do, but watching porno is not something that happen to men: it's something they do. I don't know how she feels Uncertain about this, if she is only concerned about him having sex with other women, I think there is no way to answer that question. But I don't understand why she is not concerned about him watching porno. Anyway, that's just me. Mar I’d like to add (to the above) that I actually regard watching porno as cheating. I do know there is a difference between the things that happen to men in their heads and the things they do, but watching porno is not something that happen to men: it’s something they do.

I don’t know how she feels Uncertain about this, if she is only concerned about him having sex with other women, I think there is no way to answer that question. But I don’t understand why she is not concerned about him watching porno.

Anyway, that’s just me.

Mar

]]> By: mar http://manslations.com/2008/05/22/any-way-to-tell-if-hell-be-tempted-when-hes-away-at-school/comment-page-1/#comment-4456 mar Thu, 22 May 2008 14:51:13 +0000 http://manslations.wordpress.com/?p=279#comment-4456 Hi, I'd say that a man's sexual desire is not the same as a man's capacity for loyalty, right? I mean, if he has a strong sexual desire, that means that maybe that will be a strong drive to resist. But if he is someone who values loyalty, he might as well resist it, no? In principle, I see no way to answer this question. He might or not end up cheating, but I'm not sure that depends on his sexual drive, but on his personality, values and strength of will. Best, Mar Hi,

I’d say that a man’s sexual desire is not the same as a man’s capacity for loyalty, right?

I mean, if he has a strong sexual desire, that means that maybe that will be a strong drive to resist. But if he is someone who values loyalty, he might as well resist it, no?

In principle, I see no way to answer this question. He might or not end up cheating, but I’m not sure that depends on his sexual drive, but on his personality, values and strength of will.

Best,

Mar

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