manslations

So, what’s the story when a guy, the ex, keeps pulling jerk-related crapola, even after the relationship has gone the way of the dodo? (Hint: it’s because he’s something that rhymes with “schmouche-schmag.”) Let’s see what we can find out about Rachel’s ex-ahole.

Lately, I’ve been having problems with my last ex-boyfriend. He was my longest and most intimate relationship I’d ever had, so it hurt when he said goodbye. But that’s the point. HE said goodbye. He’s the one who broke up with me. I took the typical amount of mourning time (which is actually not over yet) to help get over the break-up, and it still hurts so horribly. I’ve been trying to be nice, despite what he has done to damage me.

I respect you for trying, but I’m guessing that some guys just can’t take “being nice” for an answer.

Once, we got in a fight, he smashed the hood of my car in with his fist. Later, he admitted that he over-reacted and would help pay for the costs, but I refused to let him.

Uh…yeah…that would be an over-reaction, I’d say. As would be “leaping off of a building” and “murder.”

That may have been a boo-boo on my part (the cost was $800-900) but I didn’t want to be a burden.

Hm. You didn’t want to be a burden to the guy who did almost a thousand bucks damage to your car for no reason? I think there might be such a thing as being “too nice.” I’m pretty sure there is.

I still try to have nice conversations with him (I can’t avoid him because we’re stuck in the same circle of friends) and those seem to go very well. I assumed that our new relationship as just friends was going to work.

Ruh-roh…

But I found out today that he had been talking to a couple of friends (my friends as well) and he told them some very personal stuff that happened between us.

Ah. And now we come to the post-relationship douchery.

But not only did he tell them about it, he bashed it as well. Apparently he regretted all of it and said that I wasn’t ‘that good’. I’m not sure how he would know that, seeing as we were both each other’s first, unless he was lying to me. What hurts the most is that he doesn’t noticed that I give my all for him. Why does he continue doing things to hurt me, when all I do is take the bullet for him over and over again???

Dear Rachel,

Well, well, well. Looks like you’ve got yourself an insecure numbnuts on your hands. (Manslator’s Note: I don’t know why my built-in spellcheck has a problem with the word “numbnuts.” Or the word “spellcheck” now that I mention it.)

But onto your question. It seems to be a two parter:

WHY DOES HE CONTINUE DOING THINGS TO HURT YOU…?

This part is easy — he’s an insecure jerk. Look, the only reason why a guy would tell his idiot friends (or YOUR friends) that you weren’t “that good” even though you were his first is this: He’s majorly, majorly insecure, and he’s hoping that by running you down, he’ll elevate himself in the eyes of your circle of friends.

What a winner!

Lucky for you, this never, never works. Like, ever. Whenever you trash someone, it pretty much always makes you look bad. Even if your audience actually agrees with you (doubtful in this case) it never actually makes you look cool. He’s only hurting himself here. Which, given what I know about him, makes me smile a big old manslator smile.

…WHEN ALL YOU DO IS TAKE THE BULLET FOR HIM OVER AND OVER AGAIN?

This part of your question isn’t about him at all. As in, if he’s willing to be a total jackass (and, let’s see…check) then he’s certainly not going to have a problem with being a jackass to someone nice. Jackassery (again — thanks, spellcheck, I’ve got it from here) is, by it’s very nature, inappropriate to what’s going on around it.

Look, it seems that you definitely put yourself in a low-power position with him. Cleaning up after his little moron incident with your car, trying to be nice to him when he’s such a jerk to you. It could very well be that the fact that you’re as nice as you are is making him feel even MORE insecure about having dumped you. As in, he’s pretty sure that everyone you two know thinks better of you than of him.

But I can’t say that for sure. At the very least, we can say that this is a guy who feels so insecure that he has to try to run other people down just to feel like he’s on an even keel. I had a breakup like this once. That’s when I learned — when you’re the wronged party, your true friends know what’s up. And the rest of them? Screw ‘em.

WHAT TO DO? OH, LOOK — THERE’S THE ON-RAMP FOR THE HIGH ROAD

Hey, I’m as passive aggressive as the next guy (provided that the next guy is, like, wicked super passive aggressive.) And as such, I like to “win” this sort of interaction. Call me petty, call me small-minded, call me irresponsible, but there it is. And the way to win this is to take the highest of roads. That doesn’t mean that you set yourself up to be a doormat. It just means that you let the situation go completely. Because, see, then HE’S the one who’s still all hung up talking about it. And sounding like an ass.

Good luck, Rachel. I’m sorry this guy is being so needlessly mean. But if it helps any, he’s a really, really unhappy person. I know that helps ME in thinking about him.

What’s the word, ladies? Ever been with a man who couldn’t leave it alone, and kept douching it up even as an ex?