Comments on: Post-Breakup “Friends with Benefits”

By: sammy

sammy — Tue, 23 Aug 2011 22:41:47 +0000

I am in the same situation right now. After a 5 year break, i recently hooked up with my ex. When we broke up we stayed close friends and continued to have sex and spend quality time together for a few months, then we got in major fight and stopped talking for a while. Then a few months later I started a serious relationship with another person and he dated a couple of other girls (not serious, from what he told me). When we were both in separate relationships, we didn’t talk much, but whenever each one of us has problems with our relationship, we would talk. Well for him it was whenever he broke up with another girl and for me it was whenever i got in a fight with my bf. But when i broke up with my bf, i started calling him again.
So now i am confused. After we hooked up, i figured we would be good friends again and start talking more. but it never happened.
I want to be friends again but no relationship. but he seems not to be interested in that. When i was dating my he was mad why i was with him

By: Alexa

Alexa — Tue, 12 Oct 2010 23:36:19 +0000

Well, be glad, he is really a gentleman. He rejects you because he respects you. You should not insist what you want, he is not the guy for just sex alone.

By: Jennifer2

Jennifer2 — Tue, 05 Jan 2010 22:37:56 +0000

I’ve been there and I don’t think FWB can be done! And every single time I think I can pull it off, it collapses in my face.

By: Tanay

Tanay — Thu, 21 May 2009 06:33:09 +0000

Make new friends: When a break up happens, a lot of people don’t just lose their loved ones but also get cut off from many of their friends. If the same has happened with you, you should go out and try to build new friendships. You can meet new people by joining the gym, taking up some new classes, volunteering your time for community services etc. In addition to helping you make new friends, such activities will also keep you occupied and take your mind away from your break up.

By: Mar

Mar — Mon, 27 Oct 2008 19:23:38 +0000

Hey, ever considered that maybe he met someone he actually is crazy about and he doesn’t want her to learn about you?

By: Laura

Laura — Mon, 30 Jun 2008 14:44:51 +0000

I do believe a FWB relationship works better where there is not a history. As for your ex-boyfriend’s trepidation, it could just be that he is more sensitive/afraid than he lets on. I bet your just too much of a real woman for him!

By: mmagnolia

mmagnolia — Wed, 25 Jun 2008 03:53:16 +0000

Oh…Yes M’ams & Sir, let’s think about the deal from Mr. Guy’s perspective! Sure, men & women are different (ThankU, Lord, 4that!) but maybe we should reverse dilemmas of gender. Certainly, JM’s 70′s sonnet is the perfect opener. If that doesn’t pull his *teeth* on HIS issue, give him a HappyHug.
Yet, there’s wondering…. [1] whether “AWESOME SEX” sprang forth in the relationship which Ms. Sara ‘thinks’ was “fully appreciated” by both partying parties. [2] If NOT, hey, why not! The answer there could help get2His answer 4Her answer. [3] Was post-breakup sex ALSO awesome for him; hey, maybe it wasn’t.
Ms. Sara–maybe the coupling was grander than anybefore because of ‘excitation’ such as feeling unihibited because (presumably) neither of you *care* for the other (Methinks, Not So!) versus unihibited because you care OR inhibited because feeling obliged to pretend you do. After your Talk, Rainbows!

By: mar

mar — Tue, 24 Jun 2008 15:02:26 +0000

Hi everyone

Yes, I do agree that the whole FWB is not necessarily a thing everyone would want (or every man). There are a lot of people who plainly don’t want that, or they may want it (because, say, they think it would a good arrangement given their current circumstances) but still fear that they wouldn’t be able to handle it, just for the reasons Jeff gives. And I do mean A LOT OF PEOPLE, both men and women.

Also, the fact that you do have a story of emotional involvement, could make it a lot harder/risky/dangerous/scary for him.

You might want to have a conversation about this with him, but don’t be surprised if he has some sort of strong objection. In that case, just try to find good sex somewhere else?

Honesty is what I recommend. For he has got a right, in my view, to know exactly what you are after and whether he wants THAT.

Best

Mar

By: Sassy

Sassy — Tue, 24 Jun 2008 11:30:19 +0000

I agree with Selena. And I also think there are some cases out there where the guy is looking for a real relationship, not just a FWB. Maybe your guy is having real maturity pains, and wants to put his time into someone he can have a nice relationship with sex, emotional intimacy, the whole shebang. He’s done that and broke up and wants to move on.

By: Selena

Selena — Tue, 24 Jun 2008 11:17:20 +0000

I think despite your “no strings” attitude about it all, he probably sees it as just getting sucked back into the old relationship with you. And/or “benefiting” you might cramp his style when it came to dating other women. Or be off-putting to him when you were dating other men. In any case, these FWB relationships always end, quite often with somebody getting a bit hurt. I’d venture he’s not going for your bait simply to avoid another breakup with you in the future. Really, can you blame him?

You’re much better off directing your energy towards casually dating others with whom you don’t have such emotional history.