manslations

Commenter and one-time, much-typing requester, Bloomsbury Bell, is back with another question. This time, it falls under the category of EXCEPTIONS. As in, if a dude calls in the very mid of night on Saturday, does it have to be a booty call? (The answer might surprise you. Unless you skipped ahead, in which case it’s going to be pretty much exactly what you think.)

O Wise One,

To make up for having nearly broken your internet connection with my last question, I’ll keep this short.

Is there any way to interpret a midnight Saturday phone call, from a guy I’ve gone out with “as friends” three or four times, that is flattering? Or is such a call always a booty call? (Or is it OK to be flattered by a booty call?)

In this case, the phone call:
a.) came after a brief conversation on Friday about possibly getting together over the weekend
b.) felt flirty and a little seductive, but I would have trouble pinpointing any specific words that made it so
c.) again contained mention of possibly getting together the next day. (He mentioned; I made my interest clear without sounding like my life was hanging in the balance, ’cause you told me to be more clear but I still don’t want to sound desperate.)
d.) was not followed up by any actual contact on Sunday. A little low-key but non-sexy flirt on Monday.
I don’t think the hour of the call is exactly rude, since we had both mentioned having insomnia/being online all night, for the last several weeks. Most guys, I would never speak to again if they called me that late, and on a “date night”, but this happens to be the same guy I wrote about last time, who seemed really interested but hesitant. Hours at a time alone together or apart from the crowd together, two long walks, etc. After months with no progress I moved on but he’s recently resurfaced, about a year after our first meeting.

Dear Bloomsbury Belle,

You know what? Call me crazy (Why, Mac, you’re CRAZY!) but I’m not getting a booty call vibe here. Number one, there was no booty. None requested, none received. I mean, unless I’m missing something, there was no actual attempt at getting busy, right?

Here are the elements of a booty call, just to review. (Everyone, kindly picture me in a labcoat with a laser pointer, directing your attention to the slide on the screen. Dew eet!)

ELEMENTS OF A BOOTY CALL

• Last Minute In Person Plans - As in, “Hey, what are you doing, like, now?“
• Potentially Sexual Location - “Wanna come over?” or “Can I come over?“
• Usually Semi-Out of the Blue - “Yeah, I’ve been crazy busy for the past couple weeks. Anyway, how ARE you?“

This one fails on all three of those. There were no plans made or attempted. And it wasn’t totally out of the blue, either. You had been talking about getting together just a day before.

BUT AT MIDNIGHT??

The hour of the call doesn’t really relate to whether or not it’s a booty call. I’m sure there are industrious fellows out there making booty calls at 10am. Probably dudes into the Seven Habits of Highly Successful Womanizers. They have a mission statement and everything, I’m sure of it. Not me — too lazy. But I’m sure they’re out there.

The point is, a booty call can happen anytime. But regardless of the fact that he gave you a little jingle at the very witching booty hour, this call still didn’t really fit the description.

VERDICT: FISHING EXPEDITION

Man, is this guy cagey! And a little socially…confused. (Thus the calling at midnight on what you called “date night”. Or as we call it at our place, “watching television in our underpants night.”) I don’t know what this guy’s issue is with directness, but it seems like he’s got one. A big one. I mean, give me a break, dude. You call our pal BB in the middle of the night, you flirt, and then you slip back into the darkness? What IS that?

Seems to me that he’s stuck in the “Is she interested” mode. He keeps trying to see if you’re interested, but never to the point that he actually makes a move. Not necessarily a MAJOR warning sign, but certainly a point of concern.

PS: IS IT OK TO BE FLATTERED BY A BOOTY CALL?

If this actually HAD been one, you want to know if it’s ok to feel flattered? Well, if I were a woman, knowing what I know, I’d likely NOT feel very flattered by a booty call in one sense: A guy does NOT call a woman he likes out of the blue to have sex in the middle of the night (or whenever) and then fade away. That situation is basically him looking for someone to help him masturbate. Which, if that sounds positive to you, go for it. (Maybe you’re just a naturally helpful person.)

Good luck, BB. I think this guy is having serious trouble putting it into gear. At this stage, I’m not sure he’s going to or not. But it was definitely not exactly a booty call, or there’d have been, you know, booty.

You getting a vibe, ladies? What’s this guy after? Booty? Doubloons? Pieces of eight?