Comments on: When He Fantasizes About BEING a Woman

By: tiyo

tiyo — Thu, 21 Jan 2010 04:21:47 +0000

Its a fantasy everyone has them the game he plays would be second life its an online game were you can do anything you like and interact with people. you are in a good situation he wont be having a sex change and he wont be cross dressing its just a head thing and his fantasy’s are about him being a woman not being with another woman so if you really see it for what it is then there is no problem shore its not the norm but its a lot more healthier than other fantasy’s, this guy is harmless, if i were you i would treat it like its no big deal and you can both get on with your lives.

By: LK

LK — Sun, 05 Apr 2009 12:38:47 +0000

I’m with B…open up the doors, indulge and enjoy!

By: B

Sun, 01 Mar 2009 09:37:10 +0000

All this talk about counseling as if there is something “wrong” with him seems over-reactive-just because someone has some sexual kinks that are outside the mainstream does not mean they have psychological issues. So he gets hot about fantasizing about being a woman, so what?

Instead of judging him, my advice would be find him some lingerie and do a little role-playing. Let him feel like he IS a woman for a night. (My bf is usually the dom, but even he likes to get dressed up and feel pretty once in awhile.) If you love and accept him for who he truly is, this will show him…and possibly open up new and interesting levels of intimacy between you.

By: Chantelle

Chantelle — Mon, 05 Jan 2009 22:14:36 +0000

Check out the concept of “autogynephilia” coined by Dr. Ray Blanchard…see if it applies to your situation.

By: Mar

Mar — Fri, 21 Nov 2008 21:27:29 +0000

I have to say that this can be blown out of proportion. It may only be just that, a fantasy. I had a boyfriend who dreamed about just that. He even dressed up as a woman for Halloween. He is currently living in Oregon doing a He-man job and has a wife and two daughters. During the years that I knew him, he had a voracious appetite for females, as if he had to prove something, but he was also lacking size, so that could be why he did what he did when I knew him as a teen and twenties. I don’t know if he got over his fantasy or just went on to another, but he is definitely heterosexual.

If you love your husband, approach this with an open mind. Remember that he loves you. See an open-minded counselor. Not all of them are, but some are just great. As a relationship matures, there is going to be a little less action. That’s a given. Doesn’t mean he wants to experiment or go in for something that would hurt you. Get yourself to a counselor for your own peace of mind, and then invite him along. I think the two of you can work on it and deal. No worries. He’s still the same man you fell in love with and he loves you, too.

By: Jeff Mac

Jeff Mac — Tue, 01 Jul 2008 12:41:33 +0000

Excellent point, all of you who mentioned her getting some professional help. I think that she might definitely benefit from getting an outside ear to help out with this.

By: Bloomsbury Bell

Bloomsbury Bell — Mon, 30 Jun 2008 23:54:12 +0000

I just wanted to add, it is probably tempting to think that since he fantasizes about being a woman and you have limited romance and sex, that what he says about not wanting to be with a man is not true. Pretty easy to jump to the conclusion that he’s gay. But it is true that hetero men can have this fantasy. More important, holding this secret in and not knowing how to deal with it has likely caused him more stress and depression over the years than you can imagine (take what you felt when he told you and multiply by about 20) and that would decrease sex drive and make him uncomfortable with you in romantic situations.

By: mmagnolia

mmagnolia — Mon, 30 Jun 2008 19:27:13 +0000

Dearie JM: One Thousand Pardons for not highlighting your advice NOT to be judgmental! Fingerwags serve no purpose, regardless how sad it is that He isn’t Her dreamHubby AND that She wasn’t told at the beginning. His ‘difference’ is a problem for their relationshipping–not necessarily for HisSelf. Merci 4 All, JM!

By: Susan

Susan — Mon, 30 Jun 2008 18:40:43 +0000

I agree with the counseling idea, and if your husband will not go, I strongly recommend you go by yourself. As Jeff said, there is a whole lot of “whoosh” that came out and it would be very helpful for you to have someone to talk through all of it openly and completely. Good luck.

By: mmagnolia

mmagnolia — Mon, 30 Jun 2008 17:24:06 +0000

Dear, Dear Anna: Heartfuls of prayers to all of you.
It’s wonderful that you are choosing to attempt resolution, especially re-your little daughters for whom HE is always ‘Dad’! Athough I cannot relate, I can imagine your horror, even simply as any woman who loves.

Words of JM and comrades give excellent soothing. Ms. AZ’s suggestion to visit therapist alone at-first and to deal with “one issue” at a time is very practical because YOU carry most of the load, here. It could do both of you well to focus first on the “feelings” of You & Husband for & toward each other.

You’re going to need some serious and various sustenance. Be good to yourSELF, on all levels. Set aside alone times to pray, to think, to cry. Yes–tears can enlighten & heal, especially when we least expect. Put tears to your work. Always believe that you are not alone, Dear Anna, and always expect that Joy is around the corner! Godspeed!