manslations

A reader named Beth has reconnected with her college ex. There’s been a little back-n-forth, but mostly they haven’t been “dating” per se. But they have been phone-humping. She wants to know what’s going on. Is she being used for le sex du phone? Let’s find out.

So I could give you the long version of the story and bore you to tears but I think the short one will do just fine…

Agreed. Most of the time the long version isn’t all that much more informative anyway. Also, I will start to skim, and might miss the good parts.

My college ex came back into my life after 3 years of not speaking. We didn’t end on bad terms…just moved to different cities. His engagement had just broken off and happened to be coming into town. We hooked up.

Well, well, well, what an EEEEEEnteresting string of events. Just happened to get together right after his engagement had gone the way of the dodo. Hm. Probably just a coincidence.

A mistake because a few weeks later the engagement was back on….

Well, I’m shocked. Shocked, I say!

Right before the new year we hung out (the engagement was off for good now) and he told me he made a mistake and I was “the one.”

What’s that you say? He contacted you after his engagement broke off? Hm. That’s so weird…it seems so familiar…I know I’ve heard about that kind of behavior somewhere before…

We decided to be together….after a few months of long distance things fizzled out…ie…he stopped returning my calls.

Imagine my continued surprise.

Just a few weeks ago we started talking again. Most nights we would stay up til 4 in the morning talking…a few times these conversations turned sexual. It was fun and easy…plus we still lived a few hours from each other. We had tentative plans to see each other last weekend but I decided I wasn’t sure if I could trust him just yet so told him something came up. The next day he had changed his myspace relationship status to “in a relationship”….it wasn’t me!

What? Now hold on, Beth. Are you telling me that this guy was somewhat unreliable in his information about other women? Well, I…I just don’t know what to believe anymore.

Right then and there his number was deleted from my phone, I was done for good.

Whew. There we go.

Two days later he texted me saying he missed me and was sad I didn’t come visit him. I told him to go miss his girlfriend! Then he asked me if “we could get dirty”

Am I being used for phone sex?

Dear Beth,

Yes.

Sincerely,

Jeff Mac

I can’t for the life of me think of what else there is to say. He seems to run to you for phone sex when he becomes single and nervous. Some dudes, when they’re single, fear for their very existence. As in, if a man is in the forest and there ain’t no lil’ lady to pay attention to him, does he still exist?

The good news is, it’s 100% safe sex. Unless you consider conversations with needy, insecure dudes to be “unsafe.” Fair point if you do.

Ladies, is there any other way to interpret his actions besides a pathetic cry for phone-tang?