Comments on: 5 Reasons NEVER to Make Him “Chase” You.

By: Stacy

Stacy — Sat, 25 Jun 2011 19:05:01 +0000

danette…Move on. This guy is obviously not that into you. He is just keeping you on the side until he finds the next best thing. I am unsure why he can’t just say what he means and mean what he says but there are a lot of losers out there who will string you along for all they can get and you are a fool if you let them. You already know this or you wouldn’t feel the need to ask. Good luck!

By: danette

danette — Mon, 02 May 2011 00:11:58 +0000

ive been dating a guy for 3 mo. he lives ten hours away, and he seems distant and everything seems to be about him, and when we went out to a club he payed attention to another girl and completley ignored me, and the other day he said his mom was gona call him then he would call me back, i gave him thirty min, then called him twice it rang he didnt answer, then he turned his phone off till midnight…but theres other times he acts like were gona have a future…im so confused when ive questioned him on his behaviors he acts like hes not doing anything wrong of course….got any answers for me? and when im around him he has other stuff he would rather do than spend it with me…

By: Donna

Donna — Tue, 24 Nov 2009 03:35:36 +0000

Dating someone new for the first 6 months is challenging….but I find that playing “chess” in a new relationship is exhausting! By stopping the dating games and simply being honest and authentic has proven to be the best “strategy” of all; he’s falling in love with “me”, and only me! The only advice that I have to offer is that I didn’t sleep with him until he asked me to be exclusive, I maintained my own interests and friendships and I was very present for him during our dates. He knew that I was falling for him because he felt it, not a plastic veneer of manipulation.
Have trust and faith..if he is the right guy, he’ll love you for who you are…but you have to be “exactly” who you are, your authetic self to be lovable. Drop the games…just “be”.
Hugs.
D

By: vicki

vicki — Thu, 26 Mar 2009 23:12:38 +0000

3 months isn’t anything. It takes at least 6 for people to relax long enough to get to begin to know the true self. He’ll show you what priority you are at any given time. If you have slept with him this soon, that is a problem. You have established what you will tolerate. Rarely can you paddle backward. If you have, you have the cart before the horse, let it go and try again.

By: Bee

Bee — Mon, 04 Aug 2008 21:21:59 +0000

Thank you, Tasha! Great explanation that I needed……!

By: Tasha

Tasha — Sat, 19 Jul 2008 08:59:18 +0000

Hi,

Shannon I don’t think you should make him chase you as such because if he is not trully into having a commited relationship with you it wont work anyway. As others have said, he might go after you for a while cause he’ll see you as a conquest. It will all be about him and not you. And if it works then you will have to keep up those “games” every time he withdraws. Waste of energy and time.

However, three months is enough for a guy to realise whether he wants to be in a relationship or not. He is not a kid a presume!! So, I would be very careful not to give him a chance to “have his cake and eat it too” as the proverb goes!

Talk to him in a casual, factual way and discuss what you want from him. And if he doesnt come with the right answer (meaning he doesnt give you an honest answer but confuses you) then he could be trying to “buy” some time. He likes you it is blatantly obvious. But the question is does he like you ENOUGH to commit? This is what you have to find out. If he doesnt have an answer you can live with, then you should distance yourself to get emotional balance. But this will not be a game. It will be a refocusing on YOUR life and needs instead of waiting for him to make a decision.

I also think that a good rule of thumb that has worked wonders for my best friend (who always seems to land the great guys) is not sleeping with a guy before you get to know him a bit and know what he wants from you. Most “players” will not wait and will start pushing towards sex without commitment pretty early on.

all the best

By: marydenay

marydenay — Fri, 18 Jul 2008 15:01:55 +0000

I always thought the point of those back off advice strategies was to simply stay in reality and not behave as if you NEED the person in your life. Continue doing the things you normally do so that when you fit him into your schedule and tell him how much you enjoy your time together, etc — he believes it’s genuine/sincere and not just because you have nothing better to do.

By: Bee

Bee — Thu, 17 Jul 2008 02:32:23 +0000

WOW! That last comment hti ME hard. I got played big time. I dated a fellow who was really into me … by 1 month he asked to be exclusive. That was great for me because we had so much in common and had such a blast together I really didnt want to date anyone else. We stayed exclusive for about 2 months when I found his profile back up. It was the “not divorced long enough to be exclusive” talk. oh… he didnt want to see anyone else, we would be together every weekend….just had a problem with the “word” exclusive.
A year later, now, he just broke up with me. He had spent the night with me Thurs nite, Fri nite, we played in a tennis match together Sat then he had to go do errands for the coming week.
I went out with a girlfriend and found him dancing with a girl he has been with ever since. Jumped from my bed into a relationship with her. His profile is down again…..
Honesty is definitely best! Be honest with yourself as to what you NEED in a relationship and what you want. IF you are at a point that moving into exclusive is what you need in order to progress, know your boundaries and what you can live with : do you need monogamy, loyalty , trust?
If so, say so in defintie terms. And listen to what he says.

By: Mimi

Mimi — Thu, 17 Jul 2008 01:00:24 +0000

At this point in your relationship I do not think it best to play the “chase” game, you are past that, he has you and he knows it. If I were you I would focus on your present situation:

Three months in, he is still seeing and likely actively pursuing other women. You don’t want to scare him off with the “where are we going” discussion. You DO want to let him know your position. Be honest, let him know you understand where he is coming from then voice where your thoughts on where you want to go.

Game playing could end up in a “you lose” situation and that will cause you nothing but regret ad heartache. Game playing will yield the same result.

Bottom line: If you want a committed exclusive relationship and he does not then cut your losses now and move on. It is very possible that he is playing this for as long as he can. IF this is the case then how is so great? This cat is a potential doucheee.

For laughs: The last guy I dated we will call him “The Jerk” he only last 3 weeks, tried to pull similar nonsense with me. I saw through it, eyes WIDE open. He tried to give me the ol’ “haven’t been single for long” line. What did I do? Blew him off, didn’t respond. End result: My gut instinct was right.

Redirect your thinking: You should give your time, heart and trust to the man who gets excited to see you, who WANTS to be with YOU all the time, who looks forward to your conversations and is at a point where YOU are the only one he thinks about. After 3 months, he should have it pretty well figured out. Talk of the future is just that, TALK. He may be stringing you on, do not put yourself in a position to get cut. You don’t need to be on some guys reserve list!

Best of luck. Open your eyes and your ears.

By: Sian

Sian — Thu, 17 Jul 2008 00:01:37 +0000

Great comments from everyone.

Howevre….I feel that there are two issues here and different ways to deal with each.

#1 If a guy is meeting your needs there is no need to “play hard to get” or to try and get him to chase you.

#2 If a guy is not meeting your needs you may be feeling as if you are not his number 1 priority..in which case you need to communicate your desires..if he is unable to meet this needs and meet your needs it is in your own best interest to distance yourself from the relationship.

This is not about playing hard to get..but about setting healthy boundaries.

Good luck.

Sian