She’s Flirting With the Boss — What to Do??
Strangely punctuated request from Bella, who is having a corporate American flirt-off with her manager at work. What’s the problem? Well, there are several that I can think of before I even read the thing. Let’s get the deets and then crush this problem into a fine powder through the deadly art of Manslations! Uh…right?
Hello my friend……………..hummmm i have a issue going on now, i work for corporate america and I’m sure you are familiar with the policies of dating at work right?
Umm…no humping on the fax machine? Oh wait, no humping at all, right, right.
Although i have been flirting with my manager since i started , about a month ago….unfortunately he has a serious girlfriend who lives in another state,
Yes, I bet she’s thinking the very same thing right about now…
But when becomes to flirting and teasing me he’s good,
Like…good at it? Or good as in…he’s fine with it. Hm. Let’s just keep going until we get to the dirty parts…
i invited him in to my place once,
Whoa. That didn’t take long.
…and he said no with excuse that he was tired.
Hm. Is anyone ever tired enough to turn down new sex? What, does he work on the railroad? Does he have chronic fatigue syndrome? This was what we manslators call a “lie.”
Well after that he went out with some people got drunk and kept text me the whole night,
And there we go. He wasn’t tired. He just didn’t want to come in. Let’s find out why.
Right after that we spoke about the situation in a text messages and he said that the only thing that was stopping him was the company “rules”.
So…not the whole “serious girlfriend” eh? Just the company policy? Nice fella.
I explain one more time that whatever happens its between me and him,
Oh, you! So helpful!
Seriously i probably sound cheap and very sexual, but i really want to go to bed with him,I don’t know what to do to get him IN BED! He flirts with me on texts almost every nite, we kinda flirt at work too, PLEASE HELP ME WITH ADVICES, HOW SHOULD I ACT, OR DO , OR REACT…IM LOST!!!
Bella,
Well, well, well. You must really want to hump this guy. It would be like walking through a buffet line and mixed in with the food you’re seeing roaches, rats, iguanas, a jar of ebola virus, a tall man with a hooded black robe and a scythe, etc. And your reaction is, “Gosh, why is this line so SLOW!!?”
RESISTANCE IS YOUR FRIEND
Bella, bella, bella. You don’t pet a wild skunk, you don’t sit down naked on a sea urchin (or at least I don’t), you don’t pet a dog when he’s growling, and you don’t get involved in a casual, sexual relationship with a dude who has a “serious girlfriend” and who is simultaneously your BOSS!!
All of these obstacles in your path to sexytown are nature’s way of saying, “Oh, that path? That’s not a path. That is, in fact, a wall. A poisoned wall with spikes that come out. Er…don’t climb that, you.”
Seriously, is there no other dude you can hump? Doesn’t sound like you can be very serious about him. Sounds like you just want to do him. And I hate to be the bearer of bad tidings but if you don’t know it already, that is DEFINITELY what he appears to be in this thing for.
So here’s my advice. If you just want sex, please, find another dude. It will be so much simpler, and no matter how it turns out, no one will be fired! Hurray!
And if you want more than sex…same advice times a hundred. Because he doesn’t want more. If he will cheat on his “serious girlfriend”, then what do you think will happen when YOU are his serious girlfriend?
Good luck, Bella. There are no secrets to getting a man into bed. If he wants to go to your bed, he’ll go there. The secret is in keeping the douchebags OUT of your bed. Start with this guy. He may not be a total douchebag…but he’s at least a partial douchebag. And if you don’t believe me, call his “serious girlfriend” and ask HER what to do.
What advice for Bella, ladies? Any votes for sexytime with Mr. Bossman?
Posted: July 24th, 2008 under Reader Requests.
Comments
Comment from Lisa
Time July 24, 2008 at 12:13 pm
Hasn’t been that long since you had a manslations that was much the same. Someone else was asking for help starting an affair.
I think that girl came to her sense though.
Comment from TJo
Time July 24, 2008 at 12:14 pm
If you like your job, want to keep it & enjoy having the respect of your co-workers, stop all non-work related contact with this man IMMEDIATELY! If you do have sex with him, it will be just that, nothing more, and eventually, yes, people at work will find out. 3 people can keep a secret if 2 of them are dead and I guarantee you it will spread like wildfire. And if one of you has to go, it will be you who gets the boot. Ever hear “Don’t SH*T where you eat? “
Comment from Liz C
Time July 24, 2008 at 1:27 pm
Think it through, girlfriend. Think about what will happen *after* the sex. You go back to work, and it’s awkward, and he’s acting weird and you don’t know what’s going on or why everything can’t be like it was… and it will never go back to being like it was.
These things *never* end well. Trust me.
I’m betting you’re under the age of 25. If so, this is a great opportunity to save yourself from having to learn the hard way the lesson most of us get beat into us eventually: IT’S NEVER WORTH IT. And if you’re over 25, GROW UP ALREADY!
Two simple rules. Memorize them.
1. Don’t try to sleep with someone else’s boyfriend/husband/man.
2. Don’t try to sleep with your boss.
You really don’t want to be the kind of person who does that.
Comment from Angel
Time July 24, 2008 at 1:41 pm
I totally agree with Liz C. Most ppl don’t think about the consequesnces of their actions. It’s called maturity and unfortunately it doesn’t necessarily come with age:(
Comment from Angel
Time July 24, 2008 at 1:41 pm
consequences*
Comment from Sian
Time July 24, 2008 at 3:52 pm
Very good advice Jeff.
I am surprised to read about the dating policy of corporate America though…..surely who people choose to date is personal and private human right and anyone trying to enforce otherwise..through legislation or policy is being discriminatory.
The only exception to this is the Doctor/patient relationship..and even then…here ( my country) you have to wait one month after the last consultation before seeing each other on a non professional basis.
How do these companies enforce these rules…fire you..because they saw you in a public place together outside work hours…or do they go to the trouble of taking the “offenders” to court ….or break into your home to take photographic evidence?
Please tell me it isnt true….! If it is..I almost wish I lived there to take on this ridiculous policy through the court system..and change it for everyone.
Sian
Comment from AnneZ
Time July 24, 2008 at 4:31 pm
Sian,
The companies are just trying to protect themselves. For the most part, they really wouldn’t care.
But one too many trips to Sexual Harassment Legal Hell make everybody nervous about underlings dating bosses.
Why sexual harassment? Because to other underlings it appears the to advance or get favorable working conditions is to sleep with the boss. To the underling who actually may be sleeping with the boss there may be a perception that she had to do it or lose her job.
Nobody’s gonna send PIs to your house. But if others find out about it they can make these claims in court and the company has to defend itself at that point. Everyone here is suggesting she avoid getting everybody in these murky waters.
Comment from AnneZ
Time July 24, 2008 at 4:33 pm
Missing words above, sorry.
“Because to other underlings it appears to BE THE ONLY WAY to advance or to get favorable…”
Comment from C
Time July 24, 2008 at 7:34 pm
And also because some (most?) people cannot keep their personal lives and business lives seperate.
Comment from Susan
Time July 24, 2008 at 9:27 pm
Find. New. Man…Fast.
As they say in corporate America, Bella: At the end of the day, this merger may seem good for short-term earnings, but you need to think long-term about the bottom line — as in YOUR butt and/or his could be on the line! And if you don’t believe me, this happened several years ago at a place I worked, and let’s just say both individuals had to leave under unhappy circumstances. (No, it wasn’t me either!)
Find. New. Man.
Comment from mmagnolia
Time July 24, 2008 at 11:51 pm
Dear Bella, if contrary policy is in ‘print’, actually in writing: Read it, Abide, Weep, or Make Other Plans! However, on that Third*Hand: If U2 actually have mutual yearning, query Mr.Boss if same yearning can be put into written form–signed by U2! That [Yes! Anita Hill should have toted a voice-activated recorder] should be adequate *protecton*.
Friends, All! Perhaps I am confused again! for holding Light on TWO voting-age adults but:
[1] Neither one is married; no marital vows taken 2B broken;
[2] No romantic vows taken 2B broken. Simple fact that Mr. Boss plays palpable, quantifiable footsie is a Big Block on reality of “serious girlfriend” stuff. A Boyfriend does as A Boyfriend IS…which This *He* acts as NOT!
[3] Ms. Bella gives NO word that she’s interested in romantic relations, and that seems a ditto for her-so2speak ‘Boss’.
Anywa….how does One ‘TAKE’ another’s ‘One’? Free Will is a multi-faceted Treasure! Bad acts tend to be one-dimensional and Easy. If BOTH are honest individually & in tandem, any problem solved, so—Happy Truth!
Comment from Tasha
Time July 25, 2008 at 5:19 am
Hi Bella,
I know you fancy the guy but its going to end up in tears. For you mostly. Lets be practical. The guy works there for quite some time, has formed alliances (friends) and knows the company policies by heart by now. So if you get involved with him chances are that people are going to eventually find out. I mean what do you expect him to do have the after sex glow and keep flirting with you the morning after? No, I believe he is going to be practical as well and “keep his distance” (which is the best case scenario I can think of honestly). So imagine going for work and having him ignore you totally. Also, if you could easily find out in about a months time that he is seriously involved with this girl, I bet the rest of your co-workers know about her or even met her. Do you think he is going to jeopardise you being around when she shows up for lets say the office Christmas party or whatever other function most offices have through the year? Nope! So what is this “clever” dude going to do? Find a way to get rid of you so that his relationship and company status to be safe. He can either make your life difficult or tell people so that the company poicy will take care of you once and for all (this is what I meant that he knows the rules). And his buddies are going to support him and you will end up like the horny chick you couldnt keep her underwear on!
Why dont you try to find out if he has ever done the same to some other girl? I bet he did.
Now, if you dont believe me that this is going to end up in tears, I got two examples for you. My friend started working for a firm and fancied the company plumber who had a girlfriend. The kept flirting and flirting and evntually the company found out (after sex). They didnt get rid of her, but there has been constant gossip to the point that they make crude jokes everytime a new guy comes (eg she is going to do him too, we better watch our boyfriends etc).
I on the other hand almost made the same mistake with a co-worker (not a boss) who mind you didnt have a girlfriend and was flirting with me for 6 months before we went out. There was no sex involved because I found out what an ass he was on our first date BUT everybody knew about the date!!! In fact, they treated him as some kind of “hero” at work for days after. So it didnt really matter that nothing happened. To them it did!
I hope you will make the right decision for YOU.
All the best
Comment from thaiyellow
Time July 25, 2008 at 6:43 am
mmagnolia i so like the way you write (u jedi) tho i don’t know if i’m the same page 
i think you make an interesting point…about freewill; tho i’m of the feeling that if The Talk has stated expectations of monogamy, that each party respect these~ supposed to be friends at his point in my mind.
then, some “couples” never really “talk” tho one, normally the girlfriend expects monogamy…so then i’m like SISTERHOOD!
but if there is Belgian chocolate in the equation~ me weak!
Comment from Jeff Mac
Time July 25, 2008 at 9:17 am
Sian: I don’t believe I’ve ever actually worked for a company that had such a dating policy, but I agree — it’s a harrassment thing. It’s like the “moral turpitude” clause in “Porky’s”. It’s not a REAL thing — it’s just something they put in there in case of a situation where they have to cover their hineys.
And mmagnolia: You do make a fair point — the dude isn’t married to that “serious girlfriend.” However, if he doesn’t mind cheating on that girl with Bella…but she’s still his “serious girlfriend” I foresee troubles aplenty.
Comment from Mimi
Time July 25, 2008 at 8:12 pm
Don’t get involved with him. I made this mistake and it was just that a MISTAKE.
Fortunately for me, I don’t care about office gossip. Unfortunately, I fell for his garbage..he was VERY convincing. We were involved for about a year.
Toward the end, I caught on quick, he was trying to make it appear as if I were stalking him, chasing him etc. He was careless, I believe he wanted people to know. Reality set in when too many people caught on, he back peddled and turned on me. Not a good situation for me, especially from someone who I trusted, considered a friend and had the balls to tell me he loved me! So I caught him in several lies, told him to stop the drama, stop lying and stop playing games. I saved his text messages and a few voice mails. I have tolerated what many would consider sexual harassment. I would never initiate anything against him however I do fear he could easily turn things on me, he is very manipulative.
Oh, he is my bosses boss. Thankfully lives in PA, thankfully I now only see him only a few times a year. Thankfully I caught on, I regret ever being involved with him.
Comment from Heather
Time July 24, 2008 at 8:07 am
I love the last line. Good advice.