manslations

Let’s start off the week with a good, old fashioned moment of, “So…wait…who’s with WHO again?” Actually, I’m gonna sum up because the beginning of this one is a little too soap opera for my male mind to follow. (Hint to Jessica: Had one of the people in paragraph 2 been holding a lightsaber, I might have been able to stay with you a little better.)

The points of interest are these:

• Jessica (our hero) likes Jack (boy o’ dreams), and doesn’t want to leave for her new job w/o telling him.
• Jack is with…I don’t know…Girl X (eville, with horns and fangs with venom.)
• Jessica thinks that Jack and Girl X are wrong for each other, and tells Jack (always a great plan)
• Jack says she ain’t the first to tell him that. They shag.
• Afterwards, the following:He said that he wanted to be with me but didn’t think he “had the balls to do it.” (meaning break up with his girlfriend).
• Ye Olde Crux: We continued talking until this past weekend when he said he’d talked to some people about this and they said he wasn’t happy as well but that he wasn’t going to be happy with anyone until he was happy with himself. He then said he couldn’t see me anymore and that he really wanted to be with me but was trying to do the right thing. He said that him and the girlfriend probably wouldn’t work out cuz she knew we had been hanging out. He said that later that night he was going to tell her everything going through his head and if she wants to stay with him while he figures things out then he can but if she leaves, she leaves. (However, she’s got no backbone and won’t stand up for herself so she’s going to stay)
• And the big finish:I know that I’m a bad friend to this girl and that Jack and I should not be in this situation. However, we’re here and now and I need help. I really like him and think we could be something great. Should I talk to him or wait for him to talk to me? He asked if he got everything sorted out and was single could he call me and I said yes. I just miss him a lot and don’t know what to do.
  

Dear Jessica,

Ok, here’s what I’m seeing here. Someone, and I’m not saying who but it rhymes with “Jack” needs to grow hisself what we manslators like to call a “backbone.” And then his backbone needs to grow a set of balls. I’m not saying that it’s easy to dump someone, of course it isn’t. But this guy seems to be talking to everybody he knows about how he’s wrong for this girl, but doing nothing about it.

Wait, no. Scratch that. What he seems to be doing is listening to everyone else about how they think he’s wrong for this girl. He seems to be just agreeing with whomever he’s in the room with at the time.

Jessica: She’s totally wrong for you. You’re not happy.

Jack: I know, you’re so right.

Friend Q: You should break up with her.

Jack: I should I really should.

Girl X: You are absolutely my boyfriend.

Jack: Yep, yep, I’m with ya.

Jeff Mac: You are, let’s say a rooster.

Jack: Er…cockadoodledoo?

Aaaaaand…scene.

Thank you for joining us at Manslationspiece Theatre.

(Everyone takes a bow.)

WHAT SHOULD YOU DO?

Look, I’m not saying he doesn’t like you. But whichever of his friends said the old chestnut about, “can’t be happy with anyone until he’s happy with himself”? That’s what’s going on here. That very chestnut. Actually, I’d put it another way, but it amounts to exactly the same thing:

He can’t be with who he wants until he admits that HE wants it.

Seems obvious, right? But he’s not doing it. I hate to say it like this, but I’d hold off on calling him. I’d let him get his feces together on this one before getting anywhere near him. The reason is, this issue with him is going NOWHERE until he fixes it. You can’t do it. Obviously all of his other friends can’t do it. Girl X clearly can’t do it. Only he can do it. And the only way he is GOING to do it is if he knows that HE has to do it.

I know it’s driving you nuts not to call him, but I’ll tell you this — if you call before he’s ready, it will be worse than if you had just never bothered. You’re going to THINK it’s better because you get to talk to him. But he’s got the opposite of the jedi mind trick going for him. He’s got Jedi Mind Susceptibility. If you call, he’ll be instantly (and temporarily) pulled in your direction. No good for this guy, and no good for you. Don’t get your hopes up by brain-warping him into telling you what you want to hear.

VERDICT: WAIT AND SEE

Hey, I know you’re going to ignore that advice. Hell, I’m sure that I would. But I would be wrong. Why? Because until he has the balls to get his life in order and call you, he is NOT the person you want to be talking on the phone with. If you call him, he’ll be this same not-sure-what-he-wants guy he was when last you spoke.

Good luck, Jessica. If you love something wishy-washy, set it free. If it calls, awesome. If it doesn’t call, also awesome. If you chase it down, crazytime.

What do you think about Jack, ladies? Any reason for Jessica to keep prodding?

—————————-

well… my manslation is actually one that I shouldn’t even be asking for. I should never be in the situation that I’m in but I am and need some advice.

First off, let’s go to the previous boyfriend only to relate him to the current boy, Jack . You see, the previous boyfriend and the current boy are best friends. The Ex and I dated for a few years and then about a year and a half ago he ended things and now dates my ex-best friend. Anyway, so Jack and I have been friends through out me dating his best friend and even after the break up.

Jack and I have always had a special connection and amazing chemistry but he’s always had a girlfriend (actually the same girlfriend for now 3 years and she’s a friend of mine. I use that term loosely when referring to her though we don’t really hang out and never talk unless we’re with our mutual friends and Jack). I bet you’re starting to see the picture. We never hung out, just the 2 of us, and we never really talked. I recently was informed that I was getting transferred to another city with my job. That being said, I wanted to make sure I had no regrets and that he knew how I felt about him. I told him we needed to talk and he said he could come to my apartment.

When he got there, we just talked. I’ve been wanting for sometime to tell him that I don’t think he’s happy with his current girlfriend (and I don’t think she’s happy either) and that I think they’re still together because they’re comfortable. He said I wasn’t the first person to tell him that and that he’s not happy but he doesn’t know if it’s her or not. I then told him that I’ve liked him for a really long time and that I knew with me moving this would be the only chance I’d have to tell him. He responded positively and said that he really liked me too.

For the next 2 weeks, we hung out almost daily. Nothing happened with his girlfriend because he said he was still trying to figure everything out. A week ago, things became physical and we began to seriously start talking about “us.” We talked about how I was going to be leaving and him breaking up with his girl friend might yield him single and not with me because of distance. He said that he wanted to be with me but didn’t think he “had the balls to do it.” (meaning break up with his girlfriend).

We continued talking until this past weekend when he said he’d talked to some people about this and they said he wasn’t happy as well but that he wasn’t going to be happy with anyone until he was happy with himself. He then said he couldn’t see me anymore and that he really wanted to be with me but was trying to do the right thing. He said that him and the girlfriend probably wouldn’t work out cuz she knew we had been hanging out. He said that later that night he was going to tell her everything going through his head and if she wants to stay with him while he figures things out then he can but if she leaves, she leaves. (However, she’s got no backbone and won’t stand up for herself so she’s going to stay)

He’s still with the girlfriend and I haven’t talked to him. I know it’s only been like 2 days but it’s killing me to not talk to him. I know that I’m a bad friend to this girl and that Jack and I should not be in this situation. However, we’re here and now and I need help. I really like him and think we could be something great. Should I talk to him or wait for him to talk to me? He asked if he got everything sorted out and was single could he call me and I said yes. I just miss him a lot and don’t know what to do.

Any help would be greatly appreciated.

Sincerely,
Jessica