Comments on: From Lover to Friend…Back to Lover? http://manslations.com/2008/08/01/from-lover-to-friendback-to-lover/ Advice for smart women who are tired of feeling so stupid about men. Mon, 23 Jan 2012 04:24:48 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.2.1 By: Melissa http://manslations.com/2008/08/01/from-lover-to-friendback-to-lover/comment-page-1/#comment-4842 Melissa Wed, 06 Aug 2008 17:27:34 +0000 http://manslations.wordpress.com/?p=387#comment-4842 Martha, my response is similar to Dee's.... There are only two responses that you should accept from this guy at this point: 1) YES, Let's go! 2) NO, I'm just not feeling it. TOTALLY unacceptible is "Maybe, I just am not sure what I want...but I sure have no problem with you waiting around, spinning your wheels while I grow up...in my time frame, of course, whilst I enjoy my cake while I eat it, thank you very much!" When someone truly doesn't know what they want, they can't appreciate the quality right in front of them. So give him the gift of missing you. And I agree with Jeff, it was Totally Rude for him to ignore your letter or make reference to it when you did get together. Seriously...... Martha, my response is similar to Dee’s….

There are only two responses that you should accept from this guy at this point:

1) YES, Let’s go!
2) NO, I’m just not feeling it.

TOTALLY unacceptible is “Maybe, I just am not sure what I want…but I sure have no problem with you waiting around, spinning your wheels while I grow up…in my time frame, of course, whilst I enjoy my cake while I eat it, thank you very much!” When someone truly doesn’t know what they want, they can’t appreciate the quality right in front of them. So give him the gift of missing you.

And I agree with Jeff, it was Totally Rude for him to ignore your letter or make reference to it when you did get together. Seriously……

]]> By: DEE http://manslations.com/2008/08/01/from-lover-to-friendback-to-lover/comment-page-1/#comment-4841 DEE Mon, 04 Aug 2008 23:47:28 +0000 http://manslations.wordpress.com/?p=387#comment-4841 Martha ..... at the end of the day if he's not Mr Right - he has to be MrWrong .... and all the time you are wasting valuable emotional energy on Mr Wrong ..... Mr Right will not reach you. Relationships are like buing a pair of soes - the ones we sometimes like just don't or won't fit ..... no matter how we try! If you try to make them fit they will just end up hurting you .... go find a shoe that fits! Martha ….. at the end of the day if he’s not Mr Right – he has to be MrWrong …. and all the time you are wasting valuable emotional energy on Mr Wrong ….. Mr Right will not reach you.

Relationships are like buing a pair of soes – the ones we sometimes like just don’t or won’t fit ….. no matter how we try! If you try to make them fit they will just end up hurting you …. go find a shoe that fits!

]]> By: mmagnolia http://manslations.com/2008/08/01/from-lover-to-friendback-to-lover/comment-page-1/#comment-4836 mmagnolia Sat, 02 Aug 2008 20:38:13 +0000 http://manslations.wordpress.com/?p=387#comment-4836 All Dears: Exact whereabouts of above-cited Ms. Miltenberger & Her 4evrGuy==Readers Digest, February 2008, Page 117. Read, Sniffle, & Cheer! All Dears: Exact whereabouts of above-cited Ms. Miltenberger & Her 4evrGuy==Readers Digest, February 2008, Page 117.
Read, Sniffle, & Cheer!

]]> By: mmagnolia http://manslations.com/2008/08/01/from-lover-to-friendback-to-lover/comment-page-1/#comment-4840 mmagnolia Sat, 02 Aug 2008 04:45:55 +0000 http://manslations.wordpress.com/?p=387#comment-4840 Dear Martha: Am thinking that the question is *how to turn it around*. The answer could be in whatever the transactions were immedately before that "dinner" with desserts. You2 had some piecemaking without conversation about The Letter because Mr. TwoParts "somewhere in the last 2 months came for dinner", etc. Okay...Back Then-at-Dinnertime, U discounted His no-response as one o'them HIS issues. Consider whether some change happened [inside U!] or stuff was merely backburnered. That's then His prob, barely Yours--unless U're smitten! BTW: There's a real-life woman named Grace Miltenberger profiled in Reader's 2008Digest who exemplifies Begonias as Begonias. Manslating Her Guy, possibly=mission impossible! Silly or Sanguine, perhaps unvarnished man/woman upfrontness may be gained quicker if a relationship-wanting Girl shows up for the first date in gown&veil with maids in tow [credit for that notion goes to LilyT or GildaR]! Love's fieldwork can be in separating the serious from the idle. At minimum, gaming would be impaired---if impaired gaming is preferred. Take that letter out & read it 2gether. IF honesty is a shared desire, none of us can err by being honest [Tip o'Hat 2DearJM] It's an allweather friend, but IT isn't a *cure-all* for all involved if undesired. It seems wise in Her case here to be honest with Self & with Him, especially so that some of yesterday's "Tayna" issues don't play like prophecy for Her, or for Him. Ms. Martha, Your Heart can be sufficiently peaceful even in worse event, so--throb onward being honest! Dear Martha: Am thinking that the question is *how to turn it around*. The answer could be in whatever the transactions were immedately before that “dinner” with desserts.

You2 had some piecemaking without conversation about The Letter because Mr. TwoParts “somewhere in the last 2 months came for dinner”, etc.

Okay…Back Then-at-Dinnertime, U discounted His no-response as one o’them HIS issues. Consider whether some change happened [inside U!] or stuff was merely backburnered. That’s then His prob, barely Yours–unless U’re smitten!

BTW: There’s a real-life woman named Grace Miltenberger profiled in Reader’s 2008Digest who exemplifies Begonias as Begonias. Manslating Her Guy, possibly=mission impossible!

Silly or Sanguine, perhaps unvarnished man/woman upfrontness may be gained quicker if a relationship-wanting Girl shows up for the first date in gown&veil with maids in tow [credit for that notion goes to LilyT or GildaR]!

Love’s fieldwork can be in separating the serious from the idle. At minimum, gaming would be impaired—if impaired gaming is preferred. Take that letter out & read it 2gether.

IF honesty is a shared desire, none of us can err by being honest [Tip o'Hat 2DearJM] It’s an allweather friend, but IT isn’t a *cure-all* for all involved if undesired. It seems wise in Her case here to be honest with Self & with Him, especially so that some of yesterday’s “Tayna” issues don’t play like prophecy for Her, or for Him.

Ms. Martha, Your Heart can be sufficiently peaceful even in worse event, so–throb onward being honest!

]]> By: DC http://manslations.com/2008/08/01/from-lover-to-friendback-to-lover/comment-page-1/#comment-4839 DC Fri, 01 Aug 2008 17:57:11 +0000 http://manslations.wordpress.com/?p=387#comment-4839 KC I completely agree with you. I'm actually in the mist of such an issue now. Except when I met this guy he approached me by asking if I wanted swim lessons.(saw me struggling in the pool). The fact that I wasn't a swimmer and somehow convinced myself to do a triathlon ...I excepted happily. At some point, all of our pool time (totaling 6/8hrs per week), in bathing suits and close contact, I couldn't help but wonder....even though I new I was just too pretty for this guy...he turned out to be really nice...we found a lot in common and began making personal calls for reasons which had nothing to do with swimming/training. Our conversations would last 4hours and on...against my better judgment.. Anywho, in only the last few weeks, he seem to be in withdrawal mode. I pretty inclined to the emotions of others so I probably picked up on it faster than the average gal. This prompted me to start a convo about how I prefer to be on the same page with people...I never like to impose....and it's just better to at least be in the same book of honesty because I can handle it and it's what I would do for others.... He thought that was impressive, but as of last week his behavior still has not reverted back to that of when we first started seeing each other... He's now too busy to even talk and is at the point where he says...oh can I call you back...and of course doesn't call back....totally not his normal behavior... Anywho, I left him a message telling him that I needed space because I'm feeling a little out of balance and a bit uncomfortable with the way things were going between us. Of course, he was offended....but I figure, he knows exactly why I'm uncomfortable...although he asked...I said I'm not quite sure and I just need time and space to think about... So now, he's waiting on me...Ha Ha Ha...LOL....But, since we've both figured that we're not ready, I'm sure he won't wait long.. I figure his behavior wouldn't have changed, and I know i don't want anyone who can't be honest about it...so this is not about what he wants out of me...it's about what I want out of the person that's right for Me.. Hope this helps, Martha KC I completely agree with you. I’m actually in the mist of such an issue now. Except when I met this guy he approached me by asking if I wanted swim lessons.(saw me struggling in the pool). The fact that I wasn’t a swimmer and somehow convinced myself to do a triathlon …I excepted happily. At some point, all of our pool time (totaling 6/8hrs per week), in bathing suits and close contact, I couldn’t help but wonder….even though I new I was just too pretty for this guy…he turned out to be really nice…we found a lot in common and began making personal calls for reasons which had nothing to do with swimming/training. Our conversations would last 4hours and on…against my better judgment.. Anywho, in only the last few weeks, he seem to be in withdrawal mode. I pretty inclined to the emotions of others so I probably picked up on it faster than the average gal. This prompted me to start a convo about how I prefer to be on the same page with people…I never like to impose….and it’s just better to at least be in the same book of honesty because I can handle it and it’s what I would do for others…. He thought that was impressive, but as of last week his behavior still has not reverted back to that of when we first started seeing each other… He’s now too busy to even talk and is at the point where he says…oh can I call you back…and of course doesn’t call back….totally not his normal behavior… Anywho, I left him a message telling him that I needed space because I’m feeling a little out of balance and a bit uncomfortable with the way things were going between us. Of course, he was offended….but I figure, he knows exactly why I’m uncomfortable…although he asked…I said I’m not quite sure and I just need time and space to think about… So now, he’s waiting on me…Ha Ha Ha…LOL….But, since we’ve both figured that we’re not ready, I’m sure he won’t wait long.. I figure his behavior wouldn’t have changed, and I know i don’t want anyone who can’t be honest about it…so this is not about what he wants out of me…it’s about what I want out of the person that’s right for Me..

Hope this helps, Martha

]]> By: KC http://manslations.com/2008/08/01/from-lover-to-friendback-to-lover/comment-page-1/#comment-4838 KC Fri, 01 Aug 2008 17:04:27 +0000 http://manslations.wordpress.com/?p=387#comment-4838 Hey Martha, Been there - done that. The 3 month itch stinks - this happened to me too, but at least the guy I was seeing had the common courtesy to break up with me, instead of just drifting away slowly. Here's my take on it: you need to ask yourself whether or not dwelling on this is in your best interest. In the end, no matter what happens, can you trust that this guy isn't going to do this again 6 months down the road? A year? 10 years? You need to ask yourself what you're looking for in life, and whether or not you're willing to settle for someone who's obviously not 100% into you. A guy who adores you would not behave that way. Are you willing to let him back in your life and potentially have to deal with this again down the road? (Once you're way more attached?) So in my mind, what's the best way to proceed? Move on and don't look back! You'll feel stronger & empowered after doing so! The "ball" is in your court and you have the ability to place value on your own future happiness or your own present comfort. Choose yourself - put your own happiness first. If you stay positive, don't let this get you down, and shrug it off as "his issues" - you'll meet another guy in no time. Don't let it get you down. Consider this a lesson learned and be excited that you've been given another chance to find your "great love!" I kid you not, after my 3 month dump, I met a SUPER fantastic guy a month later!! Now I can't even believe how much time I waisted with "Mr. I don't know what I want guy" You go girl!! Hey Martha,

Been there – done that. The 3 month itch stinks – this happened to me too, but at least the guy I was seeing had the common courtesy to break up with me, instead of just drifting away slowly. Here’s my take on it: you need to ask yourself whether or not dwelling on this is in your best interest. In the end, no matter what happens, can you trust that this guy isn’t going to do this again 6 months down the road? A year? 10 years? You need to ask yourself what you’re looking for in life, and whether or not you’re willing to settle for someone who’s obviously not 100% into you. A guy who adores you would not behave that way. Are you willing to let him back in your life and potentially have to deal with this again down the road? (Once you’re way more attached?)

So in my mind, what’s the best way to proceed? Move on and don’t look back! You’ll feel stronger & empowered after doing so! The “ball” is in your court and you have the ability to place value on your own future happiness or your own present comfort. Choose yourself – put your own happiness first. If you stay positive, don’t let this get you down, and shrug it off as “his issues” – you’ll meet another guy in no time. Don’t let it get you down. Consider this a lesson learned and be excited that you’ve been given another chance to find your “great love!” I kid you not, after my 3 month dump, I met a SUPER fantastic guy a month later!! Now I can’t even believe how much time I waisted with “Mr. I don’t know what I want guy” You go girl!!

]]> By: Terry http://manslations.com/2008/08/01/from-lover-to-friendback-to-lover/comment-page-1/#comment-4837 Terry Fri, 01 Aug 2008 14:07:30 +0000 http://manslations.wordpress.com/?p=387#comment-4837 Your advice is dead-on, Jeff. Your advice is dead-on, Jeff.

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