Signs that He’s Too Good To Be True
KC has a fun one today. Can her new man — her own personal Sunshine Band, if you will — really be as nice as he seems? And how can you tell if someone is faking it when they seem to like you? I can’t relate to that last one — I can barely fake interest in people I DO like, let alone the ones I don’t. Ohhh, but I know they’re out there. Let’s see if we can lay down some ground rules on how to tell who’s who.
Hey Jeff… me again… Quick question – and I’ll try to keep this short.
How do you know when someone is too good to be true? (Wow – have I really become this cynical?) Okay – met this guy online… and he’s FABULOUS! We’ve only been on 4 dates in two weeks but we talk every day for a few hours and I feel like we’re getting fairly close…. So far he has treated me like gold. Wining and dining me and behaving like a true gentleman. He’s also super cute and quite a charmer. So… how can you tell if someone is trying to “con” you or if they really like you? hahahahha
Do nice/cute/sweet guys really exist? ;P
KC
Dear KC,
To quote my favorite Woody Allen movie (Love and Death) “Well, there aren’t too many of us around but it can be done.”
But seriously, folks.
Sounds to me like you might be just a WEEEEEE bit paranoid here. Not that sneaky guys don’t exist. Obviously they do. But you’re basically saying, “I have no evidence to suggest he’s a douche — should I be worried?”
Answer: Sure, why not? Hey, it’s your life, right? If you want to worry about that sort of thing, it’s no skin off my nose.
Real, Non-Moronic Answer: If there were zero guys who were good at conning women into liking them, this question wouldn’t arise, right? Some of the con men really are that good. So, what are some of the ways to tell?
SIGNS HE MIGHT BE TOO GOOD TO BE TRUE
- EVERYTHING ABOUT HIM IS FLATTERING: This is the guy who drives a hybrid to save the environment, volunteers at a soup kitchen, donates to charity, and helps the campaign of your political party. And he friggin’ TELLS you about it in the first 10 minutes of meeting you. And he makes it sound like he’s a little embarrassed to be telling you. You know, cuz he’s modest. Total douche alert there.
- EVERYTHING ABOUT YOU IS FLATTERING: I’m not saying any guy is going to say something overtly insulting about you early in the relationship. (Well, not someone who ever hopes to have sex with you, anyway.) I’m just saying, if a guy is just falling all over himself telling you how funny, how smart, how pretty, how perfect you are, it’s the same thing as only letting slip really flattering stuff about himself. He’s trying to create this whirlwind of confused optimism in you. The man is gunning for your nether regions. If a guy likes you, why sugarcoat it?
- WHAT’S THE HURRY?: If you feel rushed, like he’s trying to catch you up in something romantic, exciting, and likely sexual…well, he probably IS doing that. And if it feels like, “No, no, no time to think, no time to do anything but….ro-MANCE!” Well, he’s trying to get a hump in under the wire before you figure out that he’s not really all that interested/ing. If a guy really likes you, he expects to spend now AND later with you. Not just now-now-now.
- TRUST YOUR GUT: If you’re genuinely feeling your spider senses tingling, telling you, “This man is so full of dung, it hath made his blue eyes brown,” don’t ignore that. That’s how they getcha. They play on the fact that of course you WANT him to be the real deal.
And lastly:
- DON’T FEEL BAD IF YOU GET TAKEN ONCE IN A WHILE: Again, if it were possible to say exactly how to defeat a con, there would be no con men. Or women. Conpersons, I’m saying. Con-Americans. Whatever they’re called, there’s a reason they get away with it. They’re GOOD at it. Their job is to ferret out what you want, and to give you a facsimile thereof. Until you hump. And then peeeyaaarrrroooo! (That’s the sound that the RoadRunner makes when it takes off at high speeds. Look it up, people.)
Honestly, KC, it doesn’t sound like you’re REALLY sweating this guy. But who knows? You didn’t write to me for nothin’. Just keep your eyes peeled, have fun, and if it turns out he fooled you, well, at least you got wined and dined, right?
Oh, ladieeees? How do you spot a con person? What’s the biggest tell?
Posted: August 21st, 2008 under Reader Requests.
Comments
Comment from Rhonda
Time August 21, 2008 at 11:37 am
T,
I just read your post about your first date with your soldier. I almost cried, it was so beautiful! I hope all is well with you both and that you have developed a wonderful relationship!
Comment from Liz C
Time August 21, 2008 at 11:38 am
If you’ve only been out 4 times, it’s too soon to call. Talking everyday is not the same, mainly because it’s all about what he *says*.
Like Jeff sez, keep your eyes open and be sure to watch what he *does*, esp. after the first couple of months. If you don’t progress beyond the point you are now, then that’s something to be worried about.
Here’s hoping!!
Comment from luckydave
Time August 21, 2008 at 11:56 am
peeeyaaarrrroooo
Jeff, you truly are an onomatopoet. That’s exactly what the road runner sounds like. That’s true talent!
Comment from KC
Time August 21, 2008 at 12:54 pm
Update: It’s now been about 3 months with Mr. Wonderful, and I must say he’s still as fantastic as he was in my posting above! Thanks Jeff for the great Manslation! I agree, it’s hard to not let the past affect your future. The good news is, things are still going smashingly – and I must say, there are still FANTASTIC men out there just looking to find the right mate! To all those women out there getting over a crappy relationship or a breakup – you should know that I met this guy exactly one month after being dumped by the guy I thought I would marry. It just goes to show – don’t give up!! The right man is out there!!
T – great posting! You still with “your soldier?”
Comment from QTMama
Time August 21, 2008 at 12:57 pm
Hey! I just did a guest blog post on this …
http://mssinglemama.com/21/how-to-spot-a-jerk/
At least in my very humble experience. 
Comment from Susan
Time August 21, 2008 at 4:24 pm
I had the same experience as KC – about 2 months after one relationship I thought was going somewhere went kaput instead, I met someone new. I was skeptical, even resistant at first, reluctant to get swept up in the “he’s nice! Funny! Smart! Digging me!” stuff — even though it was all true. But, 2 months later, it’s still all true and there don’t seem to be any bodies in his basement. (Ok, there’s that cynic again – shoo!) Take your time, KC, but I agree there are fantastic men out there and it’s time to enjoy them!
Comment from mmagnolia
Time August 21, 2008 at 11:54 pm
Dear KC: Great Joys Everafter! Seems that You trusted “gut” on the positive stuff too!….maybe more so than on them negatives. Optimism is its own reward; Exhibit A is tYour *Win-Win*!
Thanks to ALL for no-sweat reminder that it’s a Luxury, in the LongTerm, to be the One-Conned than to be the Con-Artist!
Dear T….Merci for sharing Sweet Memories! Happy Everafter Prayers…2U2!
Comment from T
Time November 24, 2009 at 8:26 pm
I had to come back to this post because someone found my blog today from here. Wow. I wonder if KC is still with her man. And so many asking me if things worked out with Soldier.
Not with Soldier, no, but with another really truly wonderful man.
Thanks Jeff. I hate to come back here and hear crickets chirping… Glad you’re still writing though. 
Comment from rachel
Time November 19, 2010 at 12:30 am
Regarding “everything about YOU is flattering…”, I’ve been talking to someone for 2 weeks and last weekend we went on a weekend-long date and stayed in separate hotels (we met in a different city equidistant from our respective cities of residence) and he was totally cool about it. He was even nervous and fumbled around and didn’t seem sure of himself, a cute nerdy guy (but a great kisser!) This weekend we’re meeting again and I called him yesterday to tell him some bad news – my “aunt flo” had arrived (simply just wanted to let him know in case a mood swing arises) and he said that that should be the only piece of bad news I should ever have to tell him. He does compliment me left and right, but I don’t really see it as him trying to get into bed with me, I think genuinely there’s a click with us. Is there such a thing?
-R
Comment from Not Good
Time February 21, 2011 at 3:42 pm
Be careful ladies in Commerce Ga. He’s a con artist/scammer and MARRIED. He can’t marry anyone, but he acts as if he 100% single, says he has money and had none. He steals, cheats, jailed for theft of conversion. BE CAREFUL..He’s 50 years old likes young women who become dependent on him and will believe him no matter what!
Comment from Not Good
Time February 21, 2011 at 3:45 pm
Mike Ingram is his name. He runs the streets late at night, sits at the carwash as if a teenager, thinks he’s the best looking man in town and brags about how many women want to go out with him. He says he’ll leave his wife, nobody cares about him and he wants you to pay his bills…WATCH OUT LADIES this is a real person in Commerce Georgia
Comment from T
Time August 21, 2008 at 10:20 am
Ha! I remember this feeling the first month with my soldier. I was totally baffled at his complete interest in me. I even noted it in the post about our first date.
I think many of us are so disillusioned with relationships due to past breakups. The challenge is, can we move forward without dragging our past into our future? Sometimes, you just have to hold your breath and dive in. Have faith and see what happens. Many times, we create such drama in our minds that it ends up showing up in our relationships. I’d say try to stay positive and believe that you are truly deserving of love from a good man.