He Wants Her to Call Him Daddy in the Sack!?
Strange situation today. Well, strange to me, but evidently not so uncommon. Our heroine for the day is with a total prince. It’s just that he likes her to call him something specific in bed. “Daddy.” What in the holy hellfire below is THAT all about? Let’s get the story:
Hi, I’ve been dating this great guy for about 2 months. The chemistry is great between us – both in and out of the bedroom – it’s as if we’ve known each other a long time. We’re both in our 40s and divorced and neither of us was looking for a serious relationship when we met; yet here we are dating exclusively. My question is this: why do men want to be called daddy? This turns him on and I’m certainly game although I don’t really get it. I’m not able to say it without laughing which is okay. At first I thought it was a little twisted. He has explained that it is nothing to do with father/daughter and when I asked if he wanted to call me mommy, to my relief he said no. Have you seen Toby Keith’s youtube video – Who’s your daddy?. So my guy is clearly not the only man to feel this way but I really don’t get it! Thoughts? Thanks for your site and your great sense of humor. You can call me a new “daddy’s girl”…lol
Dear Daddy’s Girl,
Well, I just cringed my way into the full lotus position (thank you, by the way — I can rarely get all the way there without help.) This is one of those specific kinks I don’t totally get. That particular word seems, to my Connecticutian ears, to be better suited coming out of an 8 year old girl in search of money for a carousel ride. See, I wanted that to sound 100% non-dirty. But in this context it comes across awful, and now I’m going to have to go to a chiropractor or get a crowbar or something to pry myself out of the fetal position.
But seriously, folks. As kink goes, I’m sure we’ve all seen, heard, and done far weirder in our lives. And for my money, whatever happens in the sack is 100% fair game as long as everybody is cool with it. And it seems to me that we’re all duty-bound to figure out what makes our person feel fantastic and at least give it the old college try. (WARNING: No colleges have endorsed that statement.) Hell, I know if Liz wanted me to call her, “Martha Washington,” I’d take a crack at it. (Please don’t, though. I can only laugh so hard.)
Sounds like you are cool with his desires, and that’s fantastic. That said, it does warrant some explanation, doesn’t it? So let’s see what it is about that title that gets some dudes all hot & bothered.
WHAT’S IT ALL ABOUT, DADDY?
Disclaimer: I am not a psychiatrist, psychologist, or even much of a student of…well, anything.
- I think the obvious reason is that the word implies some kind of power position for him. As in, if you think of him as “Daddy” you’re putting him in charge in some way. Fun, sexy, though not necessarily parental in any way (as he pointed out.)
- The flipside of that is the idea of surrender on your part. Not in some humiliating sort of way, and not like he wins and you lose. More in a, “She is so into this that she’s willing to let herself go THERE…” Often the turn-on for a guy isn’t even a specific act itself, but it’s the fact that you were willing (and hopefully MORE than willing) to DO that thing.
CONCLUSION: WHO THE HELL KNOWS?
Hey, seriously, I have no idea why any of us does anything in bed other than to say, “Well it’s, like, wicked fun?” I think the important thing here is that this guy actually a.) knows what he wants, and b.) feels comfortable telling you about it, and c.) you feel totally cool talking about it all with him too. That’s what we in the manslations business refer to as a “grand slam.” (Not named after baseball, but after the meal at Denny’s, which I believe involves pancakes. Pancakes are delicious.)
Good luck DLG! And whatever you’re doing, keep doing it! Daddy (evidently) likes!
Oh ladies? Ever had a man ask for the Daddy treatment? What was up with that?
Posted: August 26th, 2008 under Reader Requests.
Comments
Comment from Bloomsbury Bell
Time August 26, 2008 at 5:53 pm
I only went on a handful of dates with “Big Daddy” and he didn’t specifically want to be called that in bed, but . . .
I think it was two things, both related to power. There is definitely the dominant vs. submissive type of power as Jeff mentions though I got the feeling that was secondary. I think it is more power in the sense of potency. As in, he’s a “big man” and takes care of what you need. Related to something I think Jeff once blogged (I believe it was on the topic of how to compliment a man’s appearance to encourage better fashion sense) about how a man wants to feel like he’s your protector.
I don’t mind using the name, as long as I don’t have to hear a guy sing “I love it when you call me Big Papa” more than about once a week.
Comment from LA Lady
Time August 26, 2008 at 6:05 pm
I think this term is used by men in different ways. I dated a guy that was into the kinky stuff and called himself “Daddy” but when it was time to get down to business (if you know what I mean) he was less than powerful. (Rather limp shall we say…) So for him it was all about pretending he was dominant, when reality was something quite different. Now, I’m not saying all men that use this term should use Viagra, just that it means different things to different people and that it might be worthwile to investigate what it means to YOUR man.
Comment from MtnGal
Time August 26, 2008 at 7:18 pm
Hey BIG Bro’Manslation-Daddy_ Man ! That was a stellar manslation answer today…. Loved your witty wry retort!
Comment from mmagnolia
Time August 26, 2008 at 7:44 pm
Dears!
Yummy & My-oh-My, JMdear: your “Upscale” link served up a delightfull, instructive ‘Read’…..Slurp*Slurp!
On topic: ANY “great guy”, such as Little Ms. DG’s Fella, should be *called* whatever [except...Late For Supper!] He thinks will float His sweet flotilla. Mate, Ahoy!
More seriously, one male, platonic friend occasionally has that preference [?fetish] re-His romance girls. Whether He does depends on how enamoured He happens to be. He explains that the “Daddy” nickname supports His connected-permanent-together-4evr feelings.
For women, a “Mommy” title likely involves some similar stuff. AND… where’s the downer in that! This kinda shows how similar men&women can be regarding the basic *human* stuff. Let’s Toot, 4Any Ooh-La-La on such stuff!!
Comment from hunter
Time August 27, 2008 at 12:12 am
If the “kinky details” with our lover bothers us…..it maybe time to find another lover……
Comment from Jeff Mac
Time August 27, 2008 at 11:08 am
Cindy: Ha ha — yeah, a little H-O-T-ness kind of makes up for a lot, dunnit?
Bloomsbury Bell: Even once a week is a little high for me. I prefer “never” a week for that song. (And Excellent cross-comparison with other manslations!)
LA Lady: Interesting angle here (evidently about 30 degrees DOWNward angle, that is.) And yes, I think we DO know what you mean.
MtnGal: I thank you, lil’ sista.
mmagnolia: That “upscale” link was generated by wordpress automatically, but I will happily take full credit.
hunter: Yep — always a good policy. Be cool or begone.
Comment from over in France
Time June 14, 2009 at 12:06 pm
Yep, my guy quite likes this. But, it’s kind of once in a while and kind of jokey. It’s not weird or *serious* – it’s said, and taken, in tongue-in-cheek mood. The thing underlying it is, I’m sure, the guy being in charge. And sometimes I’m in charge. And sometimes neither of us is. Whatever works for both partners… 
Comment from Myriam
Time December 9, 2010 at 12:12 am
My new boyfriend wants me to call him daddy in the sack and I do ! At firs I was like ? Then again he is so H-O-T I quite am always willing to be with him !
Comment from Gentle Souls Shoes
Time January 24, 2011 at 3:56 am
I wish I had the same enthusiasm to make a article like this. You should be proud of yourself for making this!
Comment from anon.
Time September 25, 2011 at 1:02 pm
I call all my bfs daddy in bed. I think its hot, and I’ve never once had a guy get turned off by it- they love it.
Comment from Cindy
Time August 26, 2008 at 4:42 pm
Okay, the closest I’ve ever come to that was dating a guy who told me he was going to take his son to the nanny and then “He’d be my daddy”. Just like Daddy’s Girl, I wasn’t exactly sure how to take it or what he meant, but he was H-O-T & I really didn’t care. Oh, and as a side note, once the kid was indeed at the nanny’s, he didn’t ask me to call him anything specific…