manslations

So, if a guy’s 47 and has never had a serious relationship with a woman…should you be his first try? That’s what Sabina’s wondering. She’s dating a great guy, but she’s wondering if his lack of experience will just make it impossible. Let’s find out, shall we? Hey! I said, “shall we?” That’s better…

What a great site, Jeff, thank you!

You’re welcome! (Always a wise way to begin a request. Butter the manslator up, gain favor, I get it. Smart move, Sabina.)

So I ran into an old friend over 3 months ago, and we’ve been dating ever since. We both kinda feel real connected all the way around. He is 47 and because of serious health issues (ending in open heart surgery 7 years ago) he says he never really committed to anyone in his life, in fact has never even lived with a woman. He did date a woman for 6 years a while back but they apparently argued too much. He is sincere, not a womanizer, and now wants a peaceful relationship, a companion to love, and he considers me his soul mate, and has even been telling me that he loves and adores me, and that he can see us spending our lives together.  I love and adore this man as well, and so far, we’ve been seeing each other almost every day, he likes to do things with me, cuddle with me, he has bought me jewlery and flowers, and he is generally very attentive and sweet.

Well, my gosh, this all just sounds too perfect. What’s that I see? Ah. A second paragraph. Batten down the hatches everyone. And no, I don’t care if you don’t have hatches. You just hush up and batten something down, pronto.

My conflict is that I read that men who have never been married at this age and never lived with anyone won’t change and that any attempt for a successful relationship will fail. This idea is in the back of my mind often. I keep thinking that this relationship will fail because he has no experience sharing a life with someone. We’ve been together only 3 months so it is difficult to tell if he would ever be able to live with me, or marry me. For me, it would be important to find a committed lasting relationship at some point in my life, and he knows that, and says he can see that happening with us, but he can’t make any promises. Aren’t my chances slim of that really happening?  Also, it appears that I have a greater sexual appetite than he does. Is that because he is 47 and things slow down at that age? Any advice?

Dear Sabina,

You’ve got a couple of questions here, so let’s go through ‘em. Bim bam boom. That’s the sound I make when I go through things. Such as questions.

TOO OLD TO ROCK ‘N ROLL?

Well, if your question is “Are there men who, having had no prior long-long term relationships, would NOT be datable at 47?” the answer would I’m sure be a resounding YES. Just listen to all that resounding we’ve got going there.

If your question is, “Are ALL men that way?” I’d have to say no. I mean, look at it the other way. There are plenty of men who have had PLENTY of serious relationships that you wouldn’t even want near your lawn, let alone your vajayjay.

SLIM TO NONE, AND SLIM LEFT TOWN?

You wonder if your chances aren’t just too slim? Honestly, Sabina, all of our chances are pretty slim. One in a million, I’d say. Maybe a million-five, depending upon the square footage. No wait, that’s apartments.

What I’m saying is, don’t date this guy’s “dating resume.” He’s treating you how you want to be treated right now. The worst that can happen is what? That you have a great time for a short time, and then later it turns out he wasn’t ready?

I’m being a little glib (which, let’s face it, is an improvement for me, to only be a “little” glib) but seriously, there IS no love without taking a ridiculously impossible chance with the deck stacked just wildly against you. No way around that one, Sabina. Is it a red flag that he never found anyone at all for 47 years? Well, it’s certainly a point of interest. But I’m sure there are plenty of dudes out there who are far worse, whose history looks far better on paper.

YOU ARE GENEROUS AND HAPPY…IN THE BED

Sorry. For a second there I forgot I wasn’t a fortune cookie. I usually remember that.

I can’t really answer your sex drive question from a medical perspective. I have no formal medical training. Or informal medical training. I barely have formal clothing. I once wore a tie, and there was a doctor nearby. So, let me just say that I have no idea about anything medical.

Though I’m no doctor, I do watch House M.D. religiously (i.e. on Sunday Mornings, dressed up, drinking sacramental wine.) I seem to remember something on there about blood pressure meds causing a depressed libido.

Have I mentioned that I am not a doctor and can not speak intelligently about medical matters?

The point is, I just don’t know.My advice on this would be to tread lightly. Male potency is most definitely a touchy issue for lots of dudes, and if he senses that you’re in some way annoyed with him, or judgmental of his lack of interest, well, it ain’t going to help.

Maybe the next time there’s a Viagra commercial on TV, ask him if he’s ever tried it. Like, along the lines of, “Oh my gosh, I wonder what that’s LIKE?” You know, not along the lines of, “Uh, ever thought about getting a little help in the sack, pally?” It’s just to get the conversation going, see where it leads. The point is, to (gently) open the door on this topic.

Good luck Sabina! I wish I could tell you that he wasn’t too old to start…or that he was. But I’m sorry, it’s a case-by-case sort of thing. Which is GOOD news.

What do you see here, ladies? Is this guy too long in the tooth to start? And how to address the sex drive issue?