Comments on: How NOT to Ask a Man a Question

By: Ms. Single Mama

Ms. Single Mama — Tue, 16 Sep 2008 16:10:04 +0000

Jeff… this is a really, really great post. Such fantastic advice. Men are so often confused by these open ended questions. When I’m communicating with men I try to speak in “guy speak.” And make it very clear. Of course, I’m still single but I find that I always get a straight answer this way. Or as straight as it can be.

As always, great advice. As for Real Lady – sounds like she doesn’t know what she wants. He senses that and doesn’t want to be taken along for any kind of wild ride. She needs to figure out what she wants and then tell him.

By: Jeff Mac

Jeff Mac — Tue, 16 Sep 2008 13:31:55 +0000

Angel: Good point — even NO action is an action in and of itself. And sometimes that’s plenty of info to go on.

Selena: Yeah, I’m not so sure I’d feel wildly comfortable opening up given the mixed messages that she’s been serving.

mmagnolia: This message has been brought to you by the love offices of Calmwater & Sunnysky.

By: mmagnolia

mmagnolia — Tue, 16 Sep 2008 03:46:20 +0000

Dear Reallady,
Everyone’ can have a Eureka in above *trio*. Chased off first thought on excess testosteronee, BUT, an honest day’s rowsing make getU outta daze!

Sooo, Absolutely “stop initiating” those “somewhat round about” chats, AFTER Ushow Your JM-reall “yours”. Yes, Dearie, it IS ['caps' intended!] simple, especially for a Reallady, eh!

BTW: What’s not already “emotionally available” regarding Mr. SweetPea [presuming? IS *available*]? He seems to sport emotions enough to carry a friendship beyond, all-ready primed.

Go On, take a chance on Calmwater & Sunnysky. Faintheart never won ladFair!

By: Selena

Selena — Tue, 16 Sep 2008 02:58:41 +0000

Reallady,

YOU sound like the one who is gunshy. You made it clear you just wanted to be friends. You claim you don’t want anything more right now beyond hugs. So why do you keep asking this guy in somewhat round about ways how he feels about you? How is he supposed to feel?

Honestly, I kind of sounds like you want to get some grand romantic statement from him so you can…what? Shoot him down?

If I were this guy I would find what you are doing very confusing. Not unlike being teased in some vague and nut case way.

If you want something more than friendship from him, first of all make that decision yourself. Then tell him and see what he says. As it stands, you are playing games with him. Quit it.

By: Angel

Angel — Mon, 15 Sep 2008 20:31:38 +0000

It sounds like she’s not sure if he’s just respecting her boundaries or he’s “just not that into her” sorry for the cliche’. Of course I’m on the outside barely peeking in, but it seems to me that if he were interested in being more than friends, you’d know it. And I have a theory, though it hasn’t been proven yet, but whenever you have to have these talks to figure out how a guy feels, you are probably not seeing what he’s already told you (maybe not directly) but I think you know when a guy is into you and even if you say you just want to be friends he will most likely try to change your mind unless he’s extremely afraid of rejection – but that level of fear is usu reserved for ppl we either don’t know or already know doesn’t want us in that way (which could be the case for u (the latter) but by u trying to gauge his feelings I’d think he knew or at least suspected u might want more). Not sure if all the justification (different sched, etc) was for Jeff’s benefit (to give him the back story), but it sounds like you’re making excuses for his behavior …I would also stop initiating these talks…let him come to you and tell you how he feels…and if he doesn’t, he’s also telling you how he feels…you know what I mean? Best of luck to you!!