manslations

This guy just can’t take his hand off the breakup switch. Oh, there’s a switch. And this guy keeps on switching it. And Babygirl can’t figure him out. Why does she miss him? And what’s HE doing? Well, let’s figure this thing the eff out, before one of them gets whiplash from all this back and forth, shall we?

Met a guy.  He was not my normal sort.  We had a good time and after a while he told me he loved me very much.

A “while.” Like, a few weeks, a while? Or like, six months, a while? A humpback while? (Ok, settle down, fella.) I’m just saying, that’s a bold statement, depending upon what kind of “while” we’re dealing with here.

Very unpredictable tho – lots of mates but a loner.  admitted he did not trust women. He could be really lovely but he was difficult to predict.  Told me numerous times i was so good for him.  However people also told me i was too good for him (whatever that means)

This already makes me nervous. Whenever a guy tells you about his relationship problems or that you are “too good for him,” he is usually pre-planting a “get out of douchebag jail free” card for later. Watch, you’ll see… The last part probably means that these “people” know this guy. And what he does w/women. And I’m guessing you’re about to find out soon enough.

Real toughie but said and did some lovely tender things.  About three months ago I had to leave a party – i was not feeling good and he was pressuring me to enjoy myself – realised i should not have gone but told him i was leaving as it was for the best and he could enjoy himself.  On way home got sms saying last straw over.  it took me about four weeks before he would answer my text or talk.

Erm…so he dumped you…via text message…be..cause…you left a party whilst feeling lousy…so he could enjoy himself? And that was the “last straw?” Uh…how could you DO that to him!? Yeah, see, no. I can’t make agreeing with him sound believable.

We started tentatively seeing each other again as i saw him in my local market a few times, and the conversation was stilted and i had to tread on eggshells, saw him although seemed just for dinner and sex. Not out.

In all fairness, meeting for sex “out” is often considered to be gauche. Just saying. Oh, unless you aren’t human. Which, even though you didn’t state it specifically, I’m prepared to assume. (Do you have any idea how hard it is for, say, a walrus to get internet access?)

told me he did not want a relationship.   Then about three weeks ago he invited me to wedding reception.

As a side note, wouldn’t this story be hilariously awful if it were HIS wedding reception? Anyone? Now that I think of it, it wouldn’t really lower my esteem for this fine gentleman much further than it’s already dropped.

I thought it was getting better, seemed to be getting a bit more cozy.   We had the most fantastic sexual relationship – it just got better and better.  he told me that he did not want to ever see me again … seemed annoyed with himself that he had.

Whew, what a charmer, this one.

Anyway one great night … the best ever.  Then I asked if I could see him and he said he was with friends and to call back later and come down – i said if he was with friends i would do something else if he was busy just let me know.  he told me to do something else then and since then … phone down, no reply to text..

Again, I just bet you were bowled over with the romance, huh? (Pronounced ro-MANCE here, since he’s just so darn romantical.)

then saw him last week and he was off … kept looking over and checking but that is all.  then made a snipey comment to a friend of mine when i danced with some other man – just a normal dance.

(MANSLATOR’S NOTE: For men, there IS no such thing as a “normal dance.” Most of us don’t dance unless it is with the intention of forwarding a sexual agenda. And I don’t even do THAT, since I know what it looks like when I dance. No sexual agendae would be forwarded by such flailing, I assure you all.)

He left.  i cannot work him out – in the final stages of divorce and poleaxed.  i dont know what to think or do.  please try and tell me what is going on.   i wont contact him.   Thing is we are not children – both over 45.  I am intelligent of sorts and independent.  He normally (apparently) goes for more vulnerable types.  What is going on – why do i miss him and what do i mean to him?

Dear Babygirl,

Send him a nice fruitbasket with a card that says “Thank you for being impossible to date,” and never contact him again. Seriously.

This man is not interested in you. At all. It seems to me that there are NO unqualified “great moments” with you two. I read about how it’s “getting better” or that the sex is great (which, of course, tells you ZERO about how he feels about you)…but no moments when you ever have seemed to really be able to let your guard down.

Now, unless you are Inspector Clouseau looking to hire Kato to attack him at odd moments to keep his reflexes in shape, don’t you want a boyfriend with whom you might occasionally feel at ease? (By the way, if you ARE Inspector Clouseau, I have to tell you, I’m a huge fan! But you should still stop seeing this man.)

WHAT DO YOU MEAN TO HIM?

Seemingly very little. Little enough that he doesn’t mind hurting your feelings, dumping you at a moment’s notice, slighting you when he’s not interested, and whatever else is going on in there. What you do NOT mean to him is, “Love.” I don’t care what he said, look at all the stuff he did. Jerkola.

WHY DO YOU MISS HIM?

I don’t know for sure why you miss him, but get ready for a Freaky Friday moment — I think you like him for The Chase. Let’s put it this way: this guy has been nothing but drama. Nothing but unmitigated douchebaggery, great sex or no. This situation seems to just scream one of those, “But I’m the special, special one who can tame him! Change him, and he’ll redirect all that douchebag energy into passion! For me!”

No, no, no. Sometimes a douche is just a douche, Babygirl. Don’t bother. You don’t need this obstacle course in man’s clothing. And clearly he doesn’t need you. And I think (and I’m going out on a limb here, with stranded kitties and squirrels and acorns and everything) that in a relationship, some damn body ought to need SOMEbody, no?

Ladies, have you ever missed a guy who acted like this? Help Babygirl understand why!