We miss some *dots* when we ["guys" OR gals!] take OR give refuge based on being “not actually sensitive enough”!

All of us bleed when pierced! Being aware of inflicting arrows is First Cousin to feeling arrows inflicted. Ability to be sensitive comes with being human!

We exit wombs *knowing* [so2say] what calms & what hurts! As adults, we choose 2meander toward calming or hurting. Some moments, we can choose 2swing between calming and hurting!

The ideal is 2lean most often toward calming–especially in any R’ship!
Contexts count, of course. Actions count, also! [Dearie JM, whereOwhere art thou!]

For better or worse, *sensitivity* is a Choice Thing! Thus, males and females freely choose to “not mind if they hurt” their partners.

Our bad behavior gives hint on good behavior and, thereby….Joy reigns!

Your ‘ship might prosper sooner by focusing on *adding* comfort 4UBoth—rather than focusing on *allowing* (!even if not Love affirming!) behavior. Ask Him 2includeU in texting and 2chat with Uaround. Is there a good reason that something is excluded re-Your ears! Ask…Suggest…Talk!

Dear “moody.bitch”, ooh lala—There’s sense&thrills 2love in Words UnMinced!
JMDear–PerfPitch on “sense” re the guy being “great” [Rnot]. TJo.. scores!

I’ve known some very insecure and jealous people who can take the most innocous remarks for innappropriate and disrespectful behavior. Mystifying.

It’s easy to read *bad* into something if you have trust issues within yourself. Or have reason to have them with your partner.

I can say this with authority — I bossed my ex husband around for much of our 28 years together. Many of the issues we had were mine alone, and I tried to manage them by controlling his behavior. Not healthy.

If it really is harmless and it still is really that big of a deal for you, then you might want to explore than and figure out why.

Explain your feelings (once you understand them). Then all you can do is see what his response is. Then you get to decide how you’re going to handle that.

If this is truly the ONLY problem you have with him, then I’d say, let it go already. Ruining an otherwise perfect relationship over ONE thing that only poses a threat if YOU let it become one is just short-sighted in my opinion.

Now, when Jeff says “make him understand WHY you feel as you do about this”, well, I think the first person who needs to understand the WHY here is YOU.

The only reasons I can see for finding this type of behavior “inappropriate” and “disrespectful” involve the perception that he is somehow betraying you, which is another way to say “cheating on you”. But if you truly don’t believe that he would ever do that, then why are you so bothered by his contact with these ex-girlfriends, particularly when they are not even in the same state?

I think you don’t really want to admit, to either yourself or him, that you perceive these women as a threat. So, when you use words like “inappropriate” and “disrespectful”, you’re just wanting to seem rational and reasonable to him, because you think it sounds better than “I absolutely hate the fact that you dated other women before me, and knowing that you are still in contact with them is just a constant reminder to me that you did; and yes, I’m jealous that you still talk to them!”

I’d wager he’d find that explanation far more believable and thus, easier to understand.

But, if he still insists you have nothing to worry about, and keeps doing what he’s doing (and that’s the ONLY thing he’s doing “wrong”), then I think you need to choose to believe him, which is a great way of showing confidence in him AND in the relationship.

Even better: it demonstrates confidence in YOURSELF. “Who cares if you talk to your ex-girlfriends? There’s a reason why they’re the exes, and why I’m the one who’s here with you now. Hey, you can even tell them I said HI!”

And before you know it, once you’ve changed your own attitude and approach toward this “problem”, he might just find it’s not as much fun talking to these women anymore.

It’s the “semi-flirty” that bugs me. Are we talking “Hey there hottie” or “What color is your underwear?” I do think it is possible to be buddies with people of the opposite sex, even if you’ve slept together in the past, but personally I don’t continue to be a little bit dirty with men I’m not interested in sleeping with again. And if I did, I would not continue to do it unless I was getting some sort of encouragement back from him.

So, my beef would not be with the contact, it would be with the content. If it’s truly semi-flirty and he’s reciprocating or even just giving tacit agreement, it may be a red flag. I’d also be curious how old this serial dater with no serious relationships in his past is. Perhaps there is more of a reason for that than the fact that he moves often. If he can’t avoid the flirty after you have the talk Jeff suggested, it may be time to cut him loose.