Comments on: Friends Without Benefits but With an Asterisk

By: Ernest Baltazar

Ernest Baltazar — Wed, 15 Sep 2010 03:42:20 +0000

There are true friends whom you can really trust. However, you do not have to expect something in return if you do good things to him or her.

By: Jasmin

Jasmin — Sat, 06 Dec 2008 09:13:51 +0000

Ok theres this guy I knew since High School we have almost all the same class together. he is my crush since freshman but you know crush sometimes never work out. I graduated haven’t seen or hear him again. then 2 years later I have boyfriend been together like 2 years before he was messing my feelings and seeing his Ex but now I guess he settle down with me always calls me on my cell we even live in the same apartment building he lives in the 4th floor and I live in the 5th. but anyways back with my High School crush I was walking at the train station and then I felt my hand been grab I turn looked and was shocked that I saw my crush again. we gave each other cell numbers.then few weeks he calls me and we agree to have a Friends with Benefits. we have sex 2 times and oral sex but I go down on him it’s weird but yea crazy. we don’t really each other see like that. but once in the blue moon. we talk lot our past and he could be funny times.even we talk again after sex. but sometimes I think he might like me even if I have a Boyfriend. because out of nowhere he ask me am I single. and thats second time asks me. but the thing is I’m scared to break up with my Boyfriend and to be with my High School crush and it seems my crush don’t want a relationship. hes my first boyfriend (the one we live in the same building)and intimacy and I don’t want to let go what I have because he didn’t do nothing wrong. just the past when we weren’t really together when he was still seeing his Ex. oh I don’t know you think my high school crush has feelings with me?

By: Susan

Susan — Tue, 28 Oct 2008 02:47:17 +0000

Jeff, what about Bob’s friend who she had gone out with for quite a while? Does that play a factor in his behavior? I realize even the cuddling/hugs/massaging thing would probably be crossing the “stay away from my pal’s GF” but I was wondering if that might explain his skittish actions too.

But hell. I’m divorced so what the heck do I know?!

(Oh, and now I see Beth’s reply/update. I’m divorced and have too short of an attention span to read everything!)

By: Beth

Beth — Mon, 27 Oct 2008 23:29:43 +0000

Thanks for all the advice. I actually ended up confronting him one weekend when we were both thrown together for a weekend alone. So in the end, it ended up being option 1. Unfortunately, there are still 3 hours between us, but I guess we’ll see what happens.

By: Liz C

Liz C — Mon, 27 Oct 2008 16:49:54 +0000

I’m thinking maybe gay? And not sure about it?

By: AnneZ

AnneZ — Mon, 27 Oct 2008 14:21:23 +0000

I was wondering if his issue is his friend and her girlfriend. Maybe he thinks he’s a bad guy if he makes a move on his buddy’s girlfriend. This would fit under option #2. Maybe he knows more about how the boyfriend feels about the breakup than she does. Also option #2.

Good luck.

By: just trying to help

just trying to help — Mon, 27 Oct 2008 13:45:10 +0000

As ever, insightful stuff from our man. I definitely agree with the possible diagnoses. Having been in a similar situation myself, yet a few stages down the line I think the first two have a distinct probability. If he wasn’t interested he would be conscious about giving off the wrong impression, especially as he is such a good friend. Having said that, perhaps his withdrawal was a sign of this, and I think the only way to know for sure is to talk to him. Either he withdrew for fear of rejection or because he actually didn’t want to do anything. Perhaps it just felt ‘weird.’ Who knows?! I recommend an open and frank discussion; book several hours for this because believe me once you open this can of worms it may take a while to get to the bottom of and to make a mutual decision about where to go from here. Good luck. Keep us updated!