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De-bootying the Booty Call?

Young lady thinks she might have an impending booty call on her hands…and she wants more than that — sure, of course. But she wants it from THIS guy. Any way to get the upgrade?

Not if she’s correct that it’s a booty call. I’m just not sure she’s correct. Let’s find out.

Hi Jeff…so I met a really nice, charming, British guy.   So nice and charming and British that I slept with him on the first date.

You know…at first I was going to crack a joke about someone being just too British NOT to bang right away…but I know plenty of women who have gotten with plenty of furr’ners just ’cause they were so darn furr’n. I get it. (And before anyone freaks out, sleeping with a man on the first date does NOT doom you to the realm of booty.)

I’ve been out with him seven times now and we always end up in his bed after each date.  He asked me to
sleep over the first time and I said ‘no’ because I had to catch an early train, and he hasn’t asked me to stay again. Doh!

Doh, indeed. Doh, indeed. Your refusal might just have spooked him away from asking again. More in a bit…

He plans really nice evenings: dinners,  conservatory, foreign film, concert, etc. and between brief, silent moments of sexual tension we have great conversation. I realize that this is
taking on a once-a-week-all-you-can-squeeze-booty-buffet sort of pattern. He says that I’m “fun” and that’s probably a kiss of death.

Mm. Not 100% sure about that just yet. I mean…it’s not like he’s likely looking for someone who is specifically not fun, right?

I know it’s all my fault; I’m a weak, weak little woman, and hell, if the gettin’ ain’t good!

Hey, the whole arrangement actually sounds kind of fun to me. I mean, some say that such all you can squeeze booty buffets are unsanitary, but as long as you guys are using the tongs and sneezeguards, why not? (You know that sentence didn’t start out to be euphemistically horrible, but it sure ended up that way, didn’t it?)

I’m casually seeing a couple other guys here and there, just to keep my options open or I guess mostly to distract myself.  But I haven’t taken anything to a physical level; and I’m pretty sure he’s been dating around
too.

Ok, so just to be clear, neither of you has really made any overt moves toward getting serious.

But I really like this guy; he’s really sweet, insanely smart, funny, polite, and he makes me tea and plays his guitar and sings to me between rounds!  I’m wondering: is there’s any way that I can steer this toward something more serious?

And a complete tangent perhaps…but, uh, y’know…hypothetically speaking if a young woman is called “exceptionally talented” in bed…do guys automatically assume that she’s a (ahem) slut? Or do they even care?

Nah, not necessarily. I mean, it’s possible some guys think this, but it’s also possible that he’s just complimenting you on a job well done, so to speak.

I don’t think it’s when you’re “talented” that guys think you’re a slut. The slut thing isn’t really about sex at all, in my opinion. I think it’s about self-respect. If a woman respects herself and her choices, who am I to judge who she sleeps with? If she doesn’t respect herself, and sleeps with guys BECAUSE of that fact? Yeah, not so attractive. Sounds to me like you’re in the clear here.

Sincerely,
heart-bloke

Dear heart-bloke (such a great pseudonym),
Ok, first the bad news. You probably can NOT “steer” this thing in any way at all. It’s not like that. I know that there are tons of books and magazines devoted entirely to the idea that you’re going to convert his feelings from one thing to another by:
  • ignoring him.
  • making him “work for it.”
  • pretending you don’t like him.
  • putting his pigtails in an inkwell.

I might have made one of those up. Whatever. Don’t do these things, ok?

Here’s the thing: while you can’t make him get serious about you, you CAN determine whether or not he will. And from what you tell me, I’m not so sure that he wouldn’t.
He seems like he really does like spending time with you. And even though he doesn’t invite you to stay — look, he did ask you that very first time, and you gave him what sounds even to me like a lame “I’m making this up to get the hell out of here” excuse. Early train? Come on, lass!
And after all, the man IS British, no? He might be thinking, “Ok, I wanted her to stay, but she said no. Clearly she is, at best, not so sure about this. I’ll let her set the pace.“
So, how to tell what’s what? I’ve got an idea. And it involves you setting that very pace whilst, and at the same time, getting yourself some fine British action. (Or do they spell it with a “u” or something? “Actioun?” Maybe not, ok.)
RUN HIM THROUGH…THE ENSLEEPERATOR!
Listen, heart-bloke, you and I both know you’re going to sleep with him again, right? It’s ok, you can admit it. Well, great! Do it. But this time, end up in YOUR bed. And invite him to spend the night afterwards. Be prepared for either a yay or a nay. But really notice how he reacts. Not just whether he ends up staying or going, but his immediate reaction when you invite him.
See, we just don’t know if the fact that you turned him down when he invited you MIGHT have made him feel like you weren’t interested in going that direction. So, let’s give him one more shot to see how he behaves.
Again, you’re going to be playing “cricket the lorry” (or however those Brits refer to sex these days) at some point. Might as well get some intel out of it.
If he seems uncomfortable or resistant to spending the night, I’d prepare yourself for the fact that he doesn’t see you as “exclusive” material. If he seems to really warm up to the idea, then it’s looking pretty good.
After all, what you’re really looking for is a sense of ESCALATION or not, right? Well, here’s a fairly low risk test balloon on the escalation scene, and it involves getting some UK tail! Win-win!
Good luck, heart-bloke! God save the queen!
Can she steer this in the right direction, ladies? Or can she at least tell what’s what?

Posted: November 26th, 2008 under Reader Requests.

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Comments

Comment from mmagnolia
Time November 27, 2008 at 1:08 am

Dear heart-bloke.
Yep….t’is quite the spiffy pseudo!)
Consider this: The queen 2save is U! Shun teasing of brain & loin, okay!

RingleaderJM penned a goodly script.
BUT, Yipes…how for His crumpet’s sake did U get to “seven” outings [*innings*!] w/o reciprocity from Your side of bed!?

U seem really-really hot2trot re-Him, sooo hop2 *IT*—the IT being RJM’s scenario of sweetening kick-backs at Your castle.

Make it plain that U want Him [every which way]… from Brunch2Breakfast!

Make it an in-person query. Study tones more than words–which Prof. discounts.

HappyEndings = Beginnings…
Puff those sleeves & Move in 4That Thrill!

Comment from *self-respect*
Time November 27, 2008 at 3:02 pm

Dear heart-bloke,

I was in a very similar situation as you’re currently in! What a coincidence! I met a guy that was more than I could have wished for. Slept with him on date one (though I DID spend 3 days at his house afterwards since I live hours away). He was always the initiator, I let him lead.

We met up twice a month and had phone sex at least once a week (we would barely talk on the phone unless it was before or after phone sex). We would hang out at his place, make dinner, go dance together, go boating with friends, hang out with friends (who seemed to love me) and go out for dinner etc… BUT… it ALWAYS ended up in sex, unless I said NO. He told me I was a “fun” and effin cool and beautiful and smart etc person and kinky in bed. He also told me he was on cloud nine. Between sex, we had great conversations about politics, religion, life etc… and yes, he played the guitar for me also!

I was seeing other guys just to keep myself distracted (just like you!) cause I felt a little “used” and not emotionally reciprocated. But I also thought it was just ME because my friends told me that he CLEARLY liked me. And according to his actions, I thought they were pretty right… Yeah right! We never had THE talk.

It had been six months when I finally opened my mouth. I was only talking about my FEAR OF COMMITMENT in general when he may have noticed “escalation” and opened up. He told me that “we” were just about sex and gave me an excuse, that would make sense if I were from another planet (work-related). I cut him off completely and he’s still making contact attempts…. sexually related of course…

I don’t mean to discourage you…. But to me, he sounds quite like “my” guy…. But then again, he’s not. Just don’t let him “own” you physically AND “emotionally”…. We live and we learn… Good luck! No matter what happens… your happiness doesn’t depend on HIM! It’s within…

-Wholeagain

PS: Did I miss a red flag somewhere in the process?

Comment from Jennie D
Time August 6, 2009 at 8:33 am

Oh my gosh, this guy is hilarious! I have just found his website after getting bored at work and browsing sites – and I have been giggling to myself all afternoon! I am British myself, and this post makes me laugh so much – I feel like we SHOULD add a ‘U’ to action, just to stir it up a bit….though let me tell you – it looks way better as Colour and you know it! Haha. Anyway, keep up the good work Jeff….I’ll be logging on fairly frequently from now on!

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