manslations

Diane has a new relationship. Right now they’re having “great sex” but that’s about it. How long should she give him before she brings down the hammer, and says it’s not cool with her? Let’s find out what the expiration date is on his, “Free Sex” card is, and in the process, let’s all forget how awesome it would be to have such a card.

Ok here goes…I”m seeing a man.  We’re both in our early 50’s.  Ok.  I’ve never been married before and quite new to a relationship…he’s divorced and had others…My question, we are having great sex, been dating for a month.  I want a relationship from this, but feel like all I am to him is “just sex”…we never go out, I go there and we have amazing sex.  I am fine with that for now…he is aware and tries to assure me its not that way…BUT IT IS!!!.  I don’t want to scare him off, we are only seeing each other, but I will tire of this i already know…how long should I give him before “this is not ok”…

Dear Diane,

Ok, I see a couple of things:

A MONTH?

That’s not a huge amount of time, Diane. Just saying, you’re still very much in the early stages of this thing. Right now it sounds like we don’t really know what his intentions are in the first place. Obviously, the great sex is a part of the deal. Does he even WANT more than that? Unless there’s more going on here, you have no way of knowing.

WHY NOT TO GO WITH THE “NUCLEAR OPTION” JUST YET

The “nuclear option” is, of course, The Talk. Not saying The Talk is a bad thing. But there’s some stuff you should know before even bothering with it:

• WHERE’S HE AT? Right now, we don’t know if you have any reason to think that a relationship is even on the table for him. You haven’t done any recon. For all you know, he might be totally cool with whatever you want. To start the conversation with, “This is not ok with me,” might not be even necessary.
• SUBTLETY FIRST: He might want what you want, but he might not know anything about what you want. After all, you’re doing EXACTLY what he’s doing, and willingly. As far as he knows everything is going great for both of you.

Personally, I’d recommend going for what you DO want, rather than telling him why what you’ve got isn’t working.

For example, suggesting a different kind of date from what you’ve been having. A non-sex date. I mean, don’t ASK for it like that. “Say, how’d you like to NOT do me? Great! See you at 8!” No, I’m saying to ask him out for lunch during a workday or something — a situation in which you couldn’t have sex even though you might want to. Just a date for talking and being together. See how he reacts — to the asking, and on the date if it happens.

And Diane, here’s the most important thing to remember:

TELLING HIM THIS IS NOT OK WILL NOT MAKE IT OK WITH HIM

Remember — you can’t “convert” this from just sex into a relationship if he’s not down for that. Don’t bother to try. Know what you want, want what you want, but don’t think you’re going to get HIM to give you what you want unless both of you want it. That’s the best way to go into this kind of thing.

Good luck, Diane!

What do you make of this, miladies? When should she get into this?