What he Means When he Says You Deserve Better
It’s Friday, ladies. And this week, that means it’s time for a quickie. What does a man mean when he says that you deserve “better than” him? Oh, this one always cracks me up, folks. It really does. Let’s manslate it:
2nd time asker here…different problem same guy!
What does it mean when a guy tells you “You deserve better than me and it took me the time we spent together to realize that.”
Ohh and we are finally broken up for good this time…no going back but that line is driving me crazy!!!
Thanks
Dear Beth,
The manslation for, “You deserve better than me,” is always one of two things:
- I intend to treat you badly, and want to give myself some cover so I can say, “Hey, I told you months ago that you deserve better than me!”
- I want to break up with you with as little fuss as possible.
It’s usually #2. The first manslation is more commonly attached to the phrase, “I’m not a good boyfriend.” But this one can occasionally be used in that sense.
But no, mostly it’s about getting out the door. Use the Golden Rule on this one:
WHAT HE SAYS: You deserve better than me
WHAT HE DOES: Leaves you.
Which one of these do you trust? Right.
WHEN SOMEONE’S DUMPING YOU, HERE’S WHAT YOU SHOULD LISTEN TO:
Nothing.
Forget everything he’s telling you during the breakup. Most of that stuff is just lube to ease his slippity-slide out the door. How do I know that? Here’s how:
Nobody breaks up with someone because he isn’t good enough for you. That’s not a reason to break up with someone. You break up with someone because you want to leave. That’s the reason. THE reason.
IN SHORT: FORGET IT
This guy got in your head, Beth. Evict him. Stop dissecting what he said for meaning, because there IS none. Nothing useful to you anyway. He said what he needed to do to escape (i.e. “You’re so wonderful and I’m such a worm that we shouldn’t date anymore.” Uh-huh.) Focus on what he DID. The relationship ended. Take it and run. This combined with your last request says that he did you a big favor.
And the truth is that he’s right, in spite of himself. You do deserve better than him. So…er…don’t settle for this moron or his ilk.
What do you hear when a guy tells you you’re too good for him, ladies?
Posted: December 5th, 2008 under Reader Requests.
Comments
Comment from thrusdaynext
Time December 5, 2008 at 4:23 pm
Exactly. When a man says this, move on. I once dated a guy who used to say “Yeah. I can be a jerk sometimes”. And you know what? He was. Look at these statements as a blessing in disguise. They often reveal true character & future intentions.
Comment from Bloomsbury Bell
Time December 5, 2008 at 6:03 pm
Yes–my ex said I was the best thing that ever happened to him, then moved on to “too good for me” and, once, “I’m not a nice guy” (apropos of nothing in particular). After that, every time he acted like a jerk or got caught in a lie, he would troll it out: “Hey, I told you I wasn’t a nice guy.”
Here’s the thing about that exit line: he might not really mean that you’re too good for him, but that doesn’t mean you can’t think that you are.
Comment from mmagnolia
Time December 5, 2008 at 11:26 pm
Dear All,
Fabulous Friday…indeed!
Considered DearJM’s query– “What do you hear when a guy tells you you’re too good for him”.
My answer = Yes! SireeBobby.
Thus, 2nd Bouquet 2Ms.Bloomsbury Bell!
Yes: DearSirens, we should expect [and pray that!] there is….ONE exception!
Yippee….
Got Answer; Ready4Commencement!
Comment from elyse
Time December 6, 2008 at 2:28 pm
It amazes me how many times I’ll read someone’s question here – and think, ‘yeah, why is that?’ – the situation and explanation seem like they’d be complicated. Then Jeff’s response puts it so quickly and succinctly in perspective. So many times, it’s a matter of paying attention to actions, not words – yet why is it so tough to remember this may be at the core of the answer? In so many ways, we females are intelligent, capable, etc – so why is this area such a blindspot….?
Comment from Mar
Time December 8, 2008 at 8:03 pm
Yeah, I heard that one, too. Wish I hadn’t said “oh, how sweet” and just dumped his ass 12 years and 60 k ago.
Comment from LA Lady
Time December 9, 2008 at 2:16 am
I learned about this line the hard way. First time I heard it I assumed he was being humble and couldn’t possibly mean it. I was wrong…
Second time I heard it my response was “You are right! I AM to good for you! Good Bye!” and I walked away. His jaw hit the floor and I never heard from him again, which was fine by me.
Comment from swavia charles
Time October 17, 2009 at 12:07 pm
what does he mean when he says you are fabulous?
Comment from mmagnolia
Time October 17, 2009 at 10:01 pm
Dear Ms. “fabulous” swavia charles,
*His* [versus 'our'] meaning depends on how He relates to You! Prof. JM words apply: Look at His actions.
Fabulous [defined by You] *treatment* means that You are “fabulous” to Him!
It IS simple; treatment tells fewer tales.
Look the gift in the kisser. Feel free to kiss The Kisser!
Alleluia! If You want to be…
Enjoy being His Happy Winner!
Comment from alison
Time October 29, 2009 at 4:54 am
maybe this is true..maybe not
Comment from mmagnolia
Time October 29, 2009 at 7:45 pm
DearDear Ms. Alison,
Yep…am liking Your notion!
Also am guessing that the “this” being true would depend on whether weWomen want to believe it and live happily ever after–possibly probably.
Absolutely definitely, Cheers & Bouquets!
Comment from Liz C
Time December 5, 2008 at 11:43 am
This Manslation alone will set millions of women free! Wish I had learned this 30 yrs ago.