Comments on: Did She Scare Him Off? http://manslations.com/2008/12/16/did-she-scare-him-off/ Advice for smart women who are tired of feeling so stupid about men. Fri, 04 May 2012 06:11:21 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3.2 By: J http://manslations.com/2008/12/16/did-she-scare-him-off/comment-page-1/#comment-5772 J Thu, 18 Dec 2008 23:44:20 +0000 http://manslations.com/?p=1318#comment-5772 Dear Ellen, This similar situation happened to me exactly 2 years ago. Quick synopsis - After being off the market for awhile, I met a great guy with whom I had sooo much in common. He lived kinda far away, but he said it was a MUST that we talk daily because he "had to hear my voice". He'd leave me the sweetest, most romantic messages that made me feel so special to him, even though we were just getting to know each other. We talked and/or text for about a month before going on that first date. Afterwards, we both said we had alot of fun, he kissed me on the forehead and went home. It almost seemed like a friendly outing more than a date, but he insisted otherwise. We continued to talk for a couple more days, and then all of a sudden, he dropped off the face of the Earth! After leaving a few messages of concern (cuz he'd never disappeared before), I finally caught up with him - and his lame excuse of being sooo busy for not staying in touch. He said he'd call me that night to fill me in, but I knew he wouldn't, and wasn't waiting by the phone. (I never heard from him again) Like you, I racked my brain (and other people's) for weeks trying to figure it all out - if it was something I'd said or did, if he found someone else, why was he brought into my life at all, etc. before I realized it wasn't all that important. Everything happens for a reason, and until now I didn't know what the reason for my incident was, I'd stopped wasting time caring a long time ago. Trust me, the quicker you forget him and stop trying to make sense of it, the quicker Mr. Right and Not Going Anywhere will appear. You never know what may have been going on in his life before or while pursuing you. Why spend more time trying to figure out what happened than the time you actually spent dealing with him in the first place? How about taking from the experience that you still "got it"? Just be more careful of who you choose to be worth your "it" and how long before they are worthy of your deeper feelings. Dear Ellen,
This similar situation happened to me exactly 2 years ago. Quick synopsis – After being off the market for awhile, I met a great guy with whom I had sooo much in common. He lived kinda far away, but he said it was a MUST that we talk daily because he “had to hear my voice”. He’d leave me the sweetest, most romantic messages that made me feel so special to him, even though we were just getting to know each other. We talked and/or text for about a month before going on that first date. Afterwards, we both said we had alot of fun, he kissed me on the forehead and went home. It almost seemed like a friendly outing more than a date, but he insisted otherwise. We continued to talk for a couple more days, and then all of a sudden, he dropped off the face of the Earth! After leaving a few messages of concern (cuz he’d never disappeared before), I finally caught up with him – and his lame excuse of being sooo busy for not staying in touch. He said he’d call me that night to fill me in, but I knew he wouldn’t, and wasn’t waiting by the phone. (I never heard from him again)
Like you, I racked my brain (and other people’s) for weeks trying to figure it all out – if it was something I’d said or did, if he found someone else, why was he brought into my life at all, etc. before I realized it wasn’t all that important.
Everything happens for a reason, and until now I didn’t know what the reason for my incident was, I’d stopped wasting time caring a long time ago. Trust me, the quicker you forget him and stop trying to make sense of it, the quicker Mr. Right and Not Going Anywhere will appear. You never know what may have been going on in his life before or while pursuing you. Why spend more time trying to figure out what happened than the time you actually spent dealing with him in the first place? How about taking from the experience that you still “got it”? Just be more careful of who you choose to be worth your “it” and how long before they are worthy of your deeper feelings.

]]> By: Mar http://manslations.com/2008/12/16/did-she-scare-him-off/comment-page-1/#comment-5758 Mar Wed, 17 Dec 2008 18:40:05 +0000 http://manslations.com/?p=1318#comment-5758 Dear Ellen, To your own self be true... I agree with you. He could have been more considerate. Not all guys are like that, but you don't have to accept them that way. Some men actually want to get to know you. Find one that does. If I were to guess what happen, I'd say that he is avoiding you because something happen that he doesn't want you to know about. What ever that is, let him keep it to himslef if he wants to. That's his business, especially if he doesn't want to share. But as long as someone keeps a secret from you, you can't trust him, so move on. If he comes back and can't give you a good reason, like being in the hospital or surviving a tsunnami without electricity, then tell him you've moved on. Remember, trust is the key. Dear Ellen,
To your own self be true… I agree with you. He could have been more considerate. Not all guys are like that, but you don’t have to accept them that way. Some men actually want to get to know you. Find one that does. If I were to guess what happen, I’d say that he is avoiding you because something happen that he doesn’t want you to know about. What ever that is, let him keep it to himslef if he wants to. That’s his business, especially if he doesn’t want to share. But as long as someone keeps a secret from you, you can’t trust him, so move on. If he comes back and can’t give you a good reason, like being in the hospital or surviving a tsunnami without electricity, then tell him you’ve moved on. Remember, trust is the key.

]]> By: mmagnolia http://manslations.com/2008/12/16/did-she-scare-him-off/comment-page-1/#comment-5751 mmagnolia Wed, 17 Dec 2008 02:59:20 +0000 http://manslations.com/?p=1318#comment-5751 Dear Ellen, Sad2Say, but methinks that Your Messr. KindandGood did a little *gaming* onU, but...also, on Himself! Upside = He knows how a 'hurt' feels [e.g., fessed 2Being a "player" AND was hurt by the "ex"]. Downside [really, Your Dessert!] = He cheated His own integrity in plain sight [i.e., said He'd tellU if R'ship= NoSail; postscript is He dropped Ball [!His]. Now...why-oh-why? T'is immaterial 4U 2sweat that fret. Maybe t'is just His version of Fridaynight Fun? Expensive 4U but A Gem, evenso! His BadBehavior = Your get outta That kinda quicksand card! Yes, Ms. Ellen, our Comrades offer yummy advice; study! Nonetheless + Evermore, keep Your Best Heart warmed for A Real Messr. K+G! Dear Ellen,
Sad2Say, but methinks that Your Messr. KindandGood did a little *gaming* onU, but…also, on Himself!

Upside = He knows how a ‘hurt’ feels [e.g., fessed 2Being a "player" AND was hurt by the "ex"].
Downside [really, Your Dessert!] = He cheated His own integrity in plain sight [i.e., said He'd tellU if R'ship= NoSail; postscript is He dropped Ball [!His].

Now…why-oh-why?
T’is immaterial 4U 2sweat that fret. Maybe t’is just His version of Fridaynight Fun? Expensive 4U but A Gem, evenso!

His BadBehavior = Your get outta That kinda quicksand card! Yes, Ms. Ellen, our Comrades offer yummy advice; study!

Nonetheless + Evermore, keep Your Best Heart warmed for A Real Messr. K+G!

]]> By: Ms.X http://manslations.com/2008/12/16/did-she-scare-him-off/comment-page-1/#comment-5750 Ms.X Tue, 16 Dec 2008 22:28:25 +0000 http://manslations.com/?p=1318#comment-5750 Great write up, Jeff ! Hilarious too, I laughed so much, for the rabbit holes and well, the scaring off part ! Love this quote Kristen, “Never make someone a priority if they consider you an option” ... Great, Awesome line ! Treating your dates seriously, and dreaming future together when the other didnt offer committment, are sure fire ways of ending up in bad, sucking relationships, if you happen to fall into it ... instead of treating them like just "Gathering info" as Jeff puts it ! Not that, you shouldn't get attracted, ( if not, why are we there with someone? should never do this ! ) Once it ends, remember the fun you had, ( or if you didnt have, thank it's over ! ) and say, NEXT ! Dating isnt a place to dream, how you both would get married someday, and live happily ever after....but a place to see if this is the person you'd want to live with, for the rest of your life, gathering as much info as you can ... while enjoying yourself ... and remember, if the other person doesnt feel it for you, it's okay, thats their choice, nothing wrong about you ! Stop taking rejection personally ! There's somethng called compatibility ...all not people can get compatible with each other, no matter what fun you've ... for eg, a man who gets violently angry in public, and is sweet at other times...wont be compatible with you or me ... but could be good with a woman, who loves violent men ! for whatever masochistic reasons ! And may be, its same for him...may be he doesnt like your type of women ... so whatcha gonna do ? act for the rest of your life, to not SCARE him ? No , No and Nooooo ! When you set out and treat your dates, by seeing and knowing if the man fits your life style, the qualities you'd want to see in a man, and see if this is who, could be a good husband to you, and a good father to your kids, as you're a single mom ... if you're not, then for your future kids ... then, I'd say you'll either fall into a great relationship, or just stay single and happy ( instead of in a destructive one ! ) Sucks , when someone bails out ... but dont give it more than a day to think about it, especially if it's the dates backing out early on ! They're not worth to ponder for so long !Buh-bye dude and say next ! Approach dating in this light-hearted way, and I'd bet you'll love it ! :-) Good Luck ! Great write up, Jeff ! Hilarious too, I laughed so much, for the rabbit holes and well, the scaring off part !

Love this quote Kristen, “Never make someone a priority if they consider you an option” … Great, Awesome line !

Treating your dates seriously, and dreaming future together when the other didnt offer committment, are sure fire ways of ending up in bad, sucking relationships, if you happen to fall into it … instead of treating them like
just “Gathering info” as Jeff puts it ! Not that, you shouldn’t get attracted, ( if not, why are we there with someone? should never do this ! ) Once it ends, remember the fun you had, ( or if you didnt have, thank it’s over ! ) and say, NEXT !

Dating isnt a place to dream, how you both would get married someday, and live happily ever after….but a place to see if this is the person you’d want to live with, for the rest of your life, gathering as much info as you can … while enjoying yourself … and remember, if the other person doesnt feel it for you, it’s okay, thats their choice, nothing wrong about you ! Stop taking rejection personally !

There’s somethng called compatibility …all not people can get compatible with each other, no matter what fun you’ve … for eg, a man who gets violently angry in public, and is sweet at other times…wont be compatible with you or me … but could be good with a woman, who loves violent men ! for whatever masochistic reasons ! And may be, its same for him…may be he doesnt like your type of women … so whatcha gonna do ? act for the rest of your life, to not SCARE him ? No , No and Nooooo !

When you set out and treat your dates, by seeing and knowing if the man fits your life style, the qualities you’d want to see in a man, and see if this is who, could be a good husband to you, and a good father to your kids, as you’re a single mom … if you’re not, then for your future kids … then, I’d say you’ll either fall into a great relationship, or just stay single and happy ( instead of in a destructive one ! ) Sucks , when someone bails out … but dont give it more than a day to think about it, especially if it’s the dates backing out early on ! They’re not worth to ponder for so long !Buh-bye dude and say next !

Approach dating in this light-hearted way, and I’d bet you’ll love it ! :-) Good Luck !

]]> By: Kristen http://manslations.com/2008/12/16/did-she-scare-him-off/comment-page-1/#comment-5748 Kristen Tue, 16 Dec 2008 15:39:32 +0000 http://manslations.com/?p=1318#comment-5748 I don't necessarily agree with the idea that you cant scare someone off. I believe that you have been single for a long time, and trust me I know how scary it is the first time you start dating someone other than your children's father. The comfort level you are used to from being with the same person for so long is absent, so you avoid everyone who feels uncomfortable to you. But with this guy you felt more of a "connection" because he is a nice guy and you two have so much in common, so I think maybe you wanted too much too fast. Even if it was unspoken pressure, that you got insecure so quickly when only a day went by and he failed to contact you is too much too quick. Relax...get your toes wet. I am sure you are a beautiful person. We single moms are amazing women! Don't sell yourself short...you are a prize. Dating can be uncomfortable at first and Mr. right is not always an instant thing. This guy's way of gaining space is clearly immature and inconsiderate, but next time have fun...keep it light and allow things to naturally progress without you losing yourself confidence.A great quote- "Never make someone a priority if they consider you an option"...men are options...your kids are priority...Good luck! I don’t necessarily agree with the idea that you cant scare someone off. I believe that you have been single for a long time, and trust me I know how scary it is the first time you start dating someone other than your children’s father. The comfort level you are used to from being with the same person for so long is absent, so you avoid everyone who feels uncomfortable to you. But with this guy you felt more of a “connection” because he is a nice guy and you two have so much in common, so I think maybe you wanted too much too fast. Even if it was unspoken pressure, that you got insecure so quickly when only a day went by and he failed to contact you is too much too quick. Relax…get your toes wet. I am sure you are a beautiful person. We single moms are amazing women! Don’t sell yourself short…you are a prize. Dating can be uncomfortable at first and Mr. right is not always an instant thing. This guy’s way of gaining space is clearly immature and inconsiderate, but next time have fun…keep it light and allow things to naturally progress without you losing yourself confidence.A great quote- “Never make someone a priority if they consider you an option”…men are options…your kids are priority…Good luck!

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