Comments on: Is the Problem with Him or with Her? http://manslations.com/2008/12/17/is-the-problem-with-him-or-with-her/ Advice for smart women who are tired of feeling so stupid about men. Fri, 04 May 2012 06:11:21 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3.2 By: Barbara http://manslations.com/2008/12/17/is-the-problem-with-him-or-with-her/comment-page-1/#comment-5815 Barbara Tue, 30 Dec 2008 16:52:15 +0000 http://manslations.com/?p=1315#comment-5815 OMG thank you for your insight! It is my fault! After fighting off the holiday blues resulting from my "wasband" of 23 years leaving and divorcing me because he didn't "love" me anymore, your response to Erica's plight has struck a chord. If I had only kept my feelings to myself, if I had only chose to work in jobs and become educated in ways he felt appropriate, if only I had worshiped in a manner he deemed devoted enough, if only our children had not grown up and if only I had remained the young, needy girl I was when he married me; perhaps he would have been happy and stayed in "love" with me. I guess it truly is my fault. I changed, he hasn't... so much the better for me!! Thanks for the eye opener!! Pity party for one is now officially over!! OMG thank you for your insight! It is my fault! After fighting off the holiday blues resulting from my “wasband” of 23 years leaving and divorcing me because he didn’t “love” me anymore, your response to Erica’s plight has struck a chord. If I had only kept my feelings to myself, if I had only chose to work in jobs and become educated in ways he felt appropriate, if only I had worshiped in a manner he deemed devoted enough, if only our children had not grown up and if only I had remained the young, needy girl I was when he married me; perhaps he would have been happy and stayed in “love” with me. I guess it truly is my fault. I changed, he hasn’t… so much the better for me!!

Thanks for the eye opener!! Pity party for one is now officially over!!

]]> By: Catherine http://manslations.com/2008/12/17/is-the-problem-with-him-or-with-her/comment-page-1/#comment-5767 Catherine Thu, 18 Dec 2008 17:24:46 +0000 http://manslations.com/?p=1315#comment-5767 The problem is actually 50% you, because you let this happen. The problem is actually 50% you, because you let this happen.

]]> By: mmagnolia http://manslations.com/2008/12/17/is-the-problem-with-him-or-with-her/comment-page-1/#comment-5764 mmagnolia Thu, 18 Dec 2008 04:08:08 +0000 http://manslations.com/?p=1315#comment-5764 Alleluia....,Dear Erica! The *problem* is H-I-S, whether t'is curse or blessing....all Ways, H-I-S! If he knows [?U told] that his *parades* hurt Your [Ranyone's!] feelings, there's no lovingkindness there... N-O-N-E! If he doesn't know...reason 4same can't be good 4 Him RU! Chin up, kick heels; it's AllGood onU! Now: Be *sweetheart* 2U+Tot! Alleluia….,Dear Erica!
The *problem* is H-I-S, whether t’is curse or blessing….all Ways, H-I-S!

If he knows [?U told] that his *parades* hurt Your [Ranyone's!] feelings, there’s no lovingkindness there… N-O-N-E!
If he doesn’t know…reason 4same can’t be good 4 Him RU!

Chin up, kick heels; it’s AllGood onU!
Now: Be *sweetheart* 2U+Tot!

]]> By: Bloomsbury Bell http://manslations.com/2008/12/17/is-the-problem-with-him-or-with-her/comment-page-1/#comment-5762 Bloomsbury Bell Wed, 17 Dec 2008 22:13:07 +0000 http://manslations.com/?p=1315#comment-5762 He was just a friend to begin with. Doesn't sound like either of you had any love or even strong affection for the other. You can't build a relationship out of a child unless there are a few other blocks laying about, too. It's not good for either adult and rarely any good for the kid. Just think of him as your sperm donor and move on. I'm a "re-singled" mom who tried for five years to "make a proper go of things" after an unplanned pregnancy. A few months after the separation, my then four year-old said his main emotion was relief. No more arguing to listen to, no more seeing mom cry, and I am a lot more patient with his behavior and growing pains now that I no longer have to take care of/put up with the 40+ year old child. He was just a friend to begin with. Doesn’t sound like either of you had any love or even strong affection for the other. You can’t build a relationship out of a child unless there are a few other blocks laying about, too. It’s not good for either adult and rarely any good for the kid. Just think of him as your sperm donor and move on.

I’m a “re-singled” mom who tried for five years to “make a proper go of things” after an unplanned pregnancy. A few months after the separation, my then four year-old said his main emotion was relief. No more arguing to listen to, no more seeing mom cry, and I am a lot more patient with his behavior and growing pains now that I no longer have to take care of/put up with the 40+ year old child.

]]> By: Angie http://manslations.com/2008/12/17/is-the-problem-with-him-or-with-her/comment-page-1/#comment-5761 Angie Wed, 17 Dec 2008 19:53:05 +0000 http://manslations.com/?p=1315#comment-5761 My ex-husband dumped me for another woman, and also paraded her in front of me. I couldn't escape it because he would bring her to the kids' events. The hurt from the rejection was unbearable (or so I thought at the time). I wondered for several years WHY he was with HER and not with ME, especially since I'm such a wonderful person, wife, and mother. ;-) After several years, it dawned on me that the question should be "Do I really want to be with him?" The truth was no I didn't. He was not a person of good character, not reliable, trustworthy, loyal, understanding, loving, patient with the children, etc...all the qualities you'd want in a husband. I think the pain and rejection made me think that maybe I had to prove my worth to this man, when it should have been the other way around. I wonder if you're suffering from the same? He's proven to you that he's not reliable, trustworthy, or at the very minimum someone who wants to provide for his child. So, I would say you are NOT the problem. He is. The only problem you have is that you're thinking it's you. Please give yourself more credit than that. You're certainly worth more than this man's giving you credit for. My ex-husband dumped me for another woman, and also paraded her in front of me. I couldn’t escape it because he would bring her to the kids’ events. The hurt from the rejection was unbearable (or so I thought at the time). I wondered for several years WHY he was with HER and not with ME, especially since I’m such a wonderful person, wife, and mother. ;-) After several years, it dawned on me that the question should be “Do I really want to be with him?” The truth was no I didn’t. He was not a person of good character, not reliable, trustworthy, loyal, understanding, loving, patient with the children, etc…all the qualities you’d want in a husband. I think the pain and rejection made me think that maybe I had to prove my worth to this man, when it should have been the other way around. I wonder if you’re suffering from the same? He’s proven to you that he’s not reliable, trustworthy, or at the very minimum someone who wants to provide for his child. So, I would say you are NOT the problem. He is. The only problem you have is that you’re thinking it’s you. Please give yourself more credit than that. You’re certainly worth more than this man’s giving you credit for.

]]> By: Mar http://manslations.com/2008/12/17/is-the-problem-with-him-or-with-her/comment-page-1/#comment-5759 Mar Wed, 17 Dec 2008 19:12:02 +0000 http://manslations.com/?p=1315#comment-5759 Dear Erica, Thank your good sense that you and your child didn't end up with this man. Bad matches can be damaging to your life, your finances and your childs well being. Perhaps he likes this woman because perhaps she allows him to walk all over her and perhaps she treats him like the child he wants to remain, but you shouldn't bother with the reasons. Get your self full legal custody, for your childs sake, and get a better man. Dear Erica,
Thank your good sense that you and your child didn’t end up with this man. Bad matches can be damaging to your life, your finances and your childs well being. Perhaps he likes this woman because perhaps she allows him to walk all over her and perhaps she treats him like the child he wants to remain, but you shouldn’t bother with the reasons. Get your self full legal custody, for your childs sake, and get a better man.

]]> By: Janet http://manslations.com/2008/12/17/is-the-problem-with-him-or-with-her/comment-page-1/#comment-5752 Janet Wed, 17 Dec 2008 13:44:18 +0000 http://manslations.com/?p=1315#comment-5752 I think the guy just likes this older women and does not care much about her age, or amount of children, or how it looks to other people. Erica, you have a great chance to find somebody who will like you and would not care about anything else. Move on! I think the guy just likes this older women and does not care much about her age, or amount of children, or how it looks to other people.
Erica, you have a great chance to find somebody who will like you and would not care about anything else.
Move on!

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