manslations

A reader named “Shy Girl”… or at least that’s what she SAYS her name is, but I have my doubts. Can’t fool THIS little black duck, people. (Special award for the first person to name that reference, thereby making me feel less ancient.)

Anyhu, Shy Girl is wondering about my whole idea that a guy who really likes you isn’t going to wait more than two days to contact you after a date. She wants to know if this is true in ALL situations, or just in the new relationships?

Well, Shy Girl, if that is your real name, let’s manslate you on that one, shall we?

Hi Jeff!
Just want to say i love your website, and i’ve written for help a couple times before, this time i just want clarification on a point that i’ve seen you make a couple times. Specifically this one: “if a guy doesn’t call you within 2 days after a first date, he’s not interested.”

My question is, does this hold true throughout all stages of dating?  As in, if you’ve been talking to him for a couple months, already been on a few dates, messed around, spent the night, made breakfast, etc and he doesn’t call you within 2 days of the last time does it mean he’s not really that interested, or is this one of those things that depends on what the individual couple is comfortable with?

I’m thinking i may just be freaking myself out for no reason (i’m real good at that sometimes) but i thought i’d ask you to clarify.

Thanks!!!

Dear Shy Girl,

Great question. I think you hit it right on the head by differentiating by the “stage” you’re in. When I talk about the 2 day thing, I’m talking specifically about when you first get together.The two days are what I’d say would be the maximum that a guy who doesn’t know you at ALL would wait.

The reason for that would be that if he likes you, he’s going to want to, how you say, “not blow it.” He’s going to be eager to call you, eager to talk to you, and he’s going to want to get together again. If you just met a guy and he kind of doesn’t mind not dealing with you until a couple of weeks after your date…er…why might that be? (Hint: It rhymes with, “He wants to have shmex with you.”)

But what about later on, once you’ve established your relationship a little bit?

I’VE GOT RHY…THUMMMM!

And really, who could ask for anything more?

After you’ve been dating, it’s potentially going to be almost totally based upon whatever rhythm that the two of you have developed in your time together. Now, this is not to say that it’s a good sign. Or a bad sign. Or an indeterminate sign. What it means is, now that you know each other it’s no longer a very diagnosable symptom.  For example, it could be:

• He wants to dump you, doesn’t know how.
• He’s SUPER excited to be with you, and he’s especially happy that (he believes) you’re the kind of girl he doesn’t have to call every frickin’ day.
• About forty other things.

Your chances at figuring out your relationship based on anything that can be interpreted in all of those ways with equal possibility are, you know, “lousy.”

WHAT ISN’T LOUSY?

How about behaving toward him however you want to, and seeing how he reacts?

No, read that again. I think you read that as, “…and seeing how I feel about him when I do it.” No, that won’t tell you where HE’s at. Watch what he does — in the context of the rhythm you’ve established together. And don’t assume he knows what you would “obviously” want him to do. Like call, for example. If you’ve been ok without a call even ONE time before, well, that’s a rhythm.

Watch what he does, and it will tell you the whole story. If he’s doing something new, look into it further. If he’s doing something he’s always done, it could be he just doesn’t know you don’t like that.

Good luck, Shy Girl!

What’s your experience, ladies? Is Shy Girl freaking herself out for no reason? Good reason? Some reason?