Comments on: Is He Allergic to The Talk? http://manslations.com/2009/01/09/is-he-allergic-to-the-talk/ Advice for smart women who are tired of feeling so stupid about men. Fri, 04 May 2012 06:11:21 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3.2 By: mmagnolia http://manslations.com/2009/01/09/is-he-allergic-to-the-talk/comment-page-1/#comment-5888 mmagnolia Tue, 13 Jan 2009 02:33:29 +0000 http://manslations.com/?p=1366#comment-5888 Dears, All! *Needy* is not in itself a Badword; *clingy* is not its synonym. One late-life lesson is that "needy" and "clingy" are not, don't have 2B perpetual buddies! *Neediness* [e.g., of shared honesty] is essential in Romantic a-n-d NonRomantic pursuits. Be NOT cajoled into ignoring *Good* needs, so as to avoid being considered *demanding*. If that's a "demand".....Let It Be So! No real Sweetness survives when essential *human* needs are ignored, either by The Beloved or The Loved! Keep petticoats fluffed, which is: Be on Heart's best behavior, and Cheers 2That! Dears, All!

*Needy* is not in itself a Badword;
*clingy* is not its synonym. One late-life lesson is that “needy” and “clingy” are not, don’t have 2B perpetual buddies!

*Neediness* [e.g., of shared honesty] is essential in Romantic a-n-d NonRomantic pursuits. Be NOT cajoled into ignoring *Good* needs, so as to avoid being considered *demanding*. If that’s a “demand”…..Let It Be So!

No real Sweetness survives when essential *human* needs are ignored, either by The Beloved or The Loved!

Keep petticoats fluffed, which is: Be on Heart’s best behavior, and Cheers 2That!

]]> By: The Seductress Within http://manslations.com/2009/01/09/is-he-allergic-to-the-talk/comment-page-1/#comment-5887 The Seductress Within Tue, 13 Jan 2009 00:51:41 +0000 http://manslations.com/?p=1366#comment-5887 When women want to "talk" about the relationship, they either want proclaimations that certain milestones will be passed and when: we're exclusive, verbal "I love you", timing of engagement and/or marriage... or they want more verbal confirmation of his feelings toward them. Maybe this was a man of few words and she wanted to "hear" verbal endearments. He either realized that he was not in the same place as she was or she pushed these types of talks too much and it made her seem needy and clingy and it turned him off. Seductress When women want to “talk” about the relationship, they either want proclaimations that certain milestones will be passed and when: we’re exclusive, verbal “I love you”, timing of engagement and/or marriage…

or they want more verbal confirmation of his feelings toward them. Maybe this was a man of few words and she wanted to “hear” verbal endearments.

He either realized that he was not in the same place as she was or she pushed these types of talks too much and it made her seem needy and clingy and it turned him off.

Seductress

]]> By: Catherine http://manslations.com/2009/01/09/is-he-allergic-to-the-talk/comment-page-1/#comment-5882 Catherine Mon, 12 Jan 2009 17:44:52 +0000 http://manslations.com/?p=1366#comment-5882 Damn straight MMagnolia with the accommodation thing. It seems that you have to give them space... when often times they don't even measure up to what we need in return. Damn straight MMagnolia with the accommodation thing. It seems that you have to give them space… when often times they don’t even measure up to what we need in return.

]]> By: mmagnolia http://manslations.com/2009/01/09/is-he-allergic-to-the-talk/comment-page-1/#comment-5879 mmagnolia Mon, 12 Jan 2009 04:03:02 +0000 http://manslations.com/?p=1366#comment-5879 Dear Sara, Your words "Are you a flower yet?" make an exquisite mantra, any day of week! Will invoke, frequently--2self2 w/creds2U. Notes2Feet: [1]*Lovingkindness* to accommodate The Men who "don't really like pressure" seems more sturdy IF The Men similarly accommodate what The Women "don't really like". [2] Lovingkindness travels healthier if wisdom includes query + discernment on whether manly dislike is playful or ployful. Bouquets....4All! Dear Sara,

Your words “Are you a flower yet?” make an exquisite mantra, any day of week!
Will invoke, frequently–2self2 w/creds2U.

Notes2Feet:
[1]*Lovingkindness* to accommodate The Men who “don’t really like pressure” seems more sturdy IF The Men similarly accommodate what The Women “don’t really like”.

[2] Lovingkindness travels healthier if wisdom includes query + discernment on whether manly dislike is playful or ployful.

Bouquets….4All!

]]> By: Selena http://manslations.com/2009/01/09/is-he-allergic-to-the-talk/comment-page-1/#comment-5878 Selena Mon, 12 Jan 2009 03:48:00 +0000 http://manslations.com/?p=1366#comment-5878 I can't remember ever having "the talk" with anyone. Don't you really know if things are clipping along at the expected pace, or if they aren't going to? Not sure about this, but it seems that if you feel you need to have a talk about where things are going...that might be a strong indication that you feel (know?) one of you is not in love. I can’t remember ever having “the talk” with anyone. Don’t you really know if things are clipping along at the expected pace, or if they aren’t going to?

Not sure about this, but it seems that if you feel you need to have a talk about where things are going…that might be a strong indication that you feel (know?) one of you is not in love.

]]> By: KC http://manslations.com/2009/01/09/is-he-allergic-to-the-talk/comment-page-1/#comment-5876 KC Sun, 11 Jan 2009 13:00:16 +0000 http://manslations.com/?p=1366#comment-5876 I think I know what "moving forward" meant. It probaby meant that things weren't progressing in that he wasn't calling enough or wasn't wanting to hang out enough etc. etc. Been there done that. I've often been in that place wondering... it's been 6 months or so and why do I feel no where farther than I was in the first 2 months. To me, that feeling is one of the first red flags that things aren't really working out. Not sure if that's right or wrong, but I've always thought that when you eventually meet the right person, things will just seem to work out. I've seen it happen to many of my friends. Girl meets boy. Girl moves in with boy. Girl gets married to boy. Therefore, sometimes it's hard when your own life doesn't seem to be "progressing" as you anticipated it would. Emm. I get it -and my advice would be to not let this guy waist any more of your time. The way I look at it is that we're all a bunch of puzzle pieces in the game of life. It may take a few tries to find the piece that was meant to be your match. So get back out there, keep trying and I bet soon you'll look back at this situation and laugh : ) Best of luck!! I think I know what “moving forward” meant. It probaby meant that things weren’t progressing in that he wasn’t calling enough or wasn’t wanting to hang out enough etc. etc. Been there done that. I’ve often been in that place wondering… it’s been 6 months or so and why do I feel no where farther than I was in the first 2 months. To me, that feeling is one of the first red flags that things aren’t really working out. Not sure if that’s right or wrong, but I’ve always thought that when you eventually meet the right person, things will just seem to work out. I’ve seen it happen to many of my friends. Girl meets boy. Girl moves in with boy. Girl gets married to boy. Therefore, sometimes it’s hard when your own life doesn’t seem to be “progressing” as you anticipated it would. Emm. I get it -and my advice would be to not let this guy waist any more of your time. The way I look at it is that we’re all a bunch of puzzle pieces in the game of life. It may take a few tries to find the piece that was meant to be your match. So get back out there, keep trying and I bet soon you’ll look back at this situation and laugh : ) Best of luck!!

]]> By: Sara http://manslations.com/2009/01/09/is-he-allergic-to-the-talk/comment-page-1/#comment-5872 Sara Sat, 10 Jan 2009 21:37:02 +0000 http://manslations.com/?p=1366#comment-5872 I would just say that in the future, be careful to give a relationship it's space. You planted a seed and you have to be careful not to rush it into a flower. It won't become one if you say "Are you a flower yet?" Sometimes you have to step back and recognize that it needs more warmth, or more nutrients, or more space to lay out its roots. But if your flower dies, none of those things will bring it back. Men don't really like pressure, so try to let them come into their own, and just be the sunshine he needs. I would just say that in the future, be careful to give a relationship it’s space. You planted a seed and you have to be careful not to rush it into a flower. It won’t become one if you say “Are you a flower yet?” Sometimes you have to step back and recognize that it needs more warmth, or more nutrients, or more space to lay out its roots.

But if your flower dies, none of those things will bring it back. Men don’t really like pressure, so try to let them come into their own, and just be the sunshine he needs.

]]> By: mmagnolia http://manslations.com/2009/01/09/is-he-allergic-to-the-talk/comment-page-1/#comment-5869 mmagnolia Fri, 09 Jan 2009 20:05:22 +0000 http://manslations.com/?p=1366#comment-5869 Dear Emm, Gotta break up our comraderie here albeit w/a *kiss*, as in sweetly simple: Mr. No-Talkee was dishonest, indeed! First, Condolences trimmed w/Congrats! BeautyPart here = U've lost The Bliss w/someone who seemed 2deceive Self! His dishonesty = sins of *omission*. Let's tally possible truth: He's an adult; He knows what feelings are & how feelings are felt; He knows His feelings! He CHOSE to hide [sorta...cover] His feelings. Let's focus on feelings--NOT facts, NOT words; kick in The GoldenRule. On His brightest side....If He was ignorant of *feelings*---even that can be shared! Merci, Ms. Emm, for practicing gratitude instead of "anger". U canBe/willBe Better, from hereon. BTW: You did near-zero wrong! [oops! U could have pressed sooner so that He would have *flashed* sooner! When we know what we want...WhyNot!] Hooray & Bless it all as Practice, if not Joy! . Dear Emm,
Gotta break up our comraderie here albeit w/a *kiss*, as in sweetly simple:
Mr. No-Talkee was dishonest, indeed!

First, Condolences trimmed w/Congrats!
BeautyPart here = U’ve lost The Bliss w/someone who seemed 2deceive Self!

His dishonesty = sins of *omission*. Let’s tally possible truth: He’s an adult; He knows what feelings are & how feelings are felt; He knows His feelings! He CHOSE to hide [sorta...cover] His feelings. Let’s focus on feelings–NOT facts, NOT words; kick in The GoldenRule.
On His brightest side….If He was ignorant of *feelings*—even that can be shared!

Merci, Ms. Emm, for practicing gratitude instead of “anger”. U canBe/willBe Better, from hereon.
BTW: You did near-zero wrong!
[oops! U could have pressed sooner so that He would have *flashed* sooner! When we know what we want...WhyNot!]

Hooray & Bless it all as Practice, if not Joy!

.

]]> By: Sassy http://manslations.com/2009/01/09/is-he-allergic-to-the-talk/comment-page-1/#comment-5863 Sassy Fri, 09 Jan 2009 12:27:47 +0000 http://manslations.com/?p=1366#comment-5863 Jeff, great answer. It's the thing we call "dating." You hang out, get to know each other, then decide if it's worth going forward. Emm, I know it's hard, but it is what it is. Doesn't sound like he was a jerk, just an average guy. I always think that we gals (and I'm guilty too!) want to make something big out of stuff and want to move along swiftly. I always try to remember just to enjoy the dating, keep my eyes and ear open and see what happens next. Good luck! Jeff, great answer. It’s the thing we call “dating.” You hang out, get to know each other, then decide if it’s worth going forward.

Emm, I know it’s hard, but it is what it is. Doesn’t sound like he was a jerk, just an average guy. I always think that we gals (and I’m guilty too!) want to make something big out of stuff and want to move along swiftly. I always try to remember just to enjoy the dating, keep my eyes and ear open and see what happens next.

Good luck!

]]> By: Selena http://manslations.com/2009/01/09/is-he-allergic-to-the-talk/comment-page-1/#comment-5862 Selena Fri, 09 Jan 2009 12:15:02 +0000 http://manslations.com/?p=1366#comment-5862 I also don't quite understand what Emm means by moving forward and I'm female. Moving forward as in seeing each other more often? Officially moving in together if you are already spending most of your time together? A discussion about marrying in the future? It always seemed to me that in dating, (we) were in the same emotional place together or not. If not, it wasn't going to work. Are you talking about a disparity in who cares more? You can't make someone decide they will care more than they already do. It kind of sounds like you cared more than he did, he realized it and started making all the excuses to back out . That doesn't make him a liar, but rather someone who realized you weren't "it" for him. I know it's not much consolation, but it's better he came to this realization 5 months in rather than a year or two in, when you might be even more emotionally invested, and thinking you had wasted alot of time on him. I also don’t quite understand what Emm means by moving forward and I’m female. Moving forward as in seeing each other more often? Officially moving in together if you are already spending most of your time together? A discussion about marrying in the future?

It always seemed to me that in dating, (we) were in the same emotional place together or not. If not, it wasn’t going to work. Are you talking about a disparity in who cares more? You can’t make someone decide they will care more than they already do.

It kind of sounds like you cared more than he did, he realized it and started making all the excuses to back out . That doesn’t make him a liar, but rather someone who realized you weren’t “it” for him.

I know it’s not much consolation, but it’s better he came to this realization 5 months in rather than a year or two in, when you might be even more emotionally invested, and thinking you had wasted alot of time on him.

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